Call me Crazy but this is my issue

Make the move right now. Don't want until it is too late. If you like her this much, go for it!

Why do you need to focus on yourself right now? Are you busy 24/7? I bet you have a decent amount of free time during the week. Are you working full time right now and going to school or something?

You admit you want to make her your girlfriend, but "right now is not a good time because you want to sort yourself out first". Dude, what do you need to do to sort yourself out? What does that even mean?

Do you think that someday you are going to carefully contemplate life and all the sudden have a moment of insight where you can say "okay, now I am sorted out". Do you ever think that maybe having her as your girlfriend would be more helpful in sorting yourself out than doing it on your own?

I bet if you both were officially together, you could even do better on your studies and other things.

Hope this doesn't sound like I am being too extreme or demanding, I say all these words with love.. I really do. I just hate when people don't do what can make them happy because of some irrelevant reason.

 

I'd just ask her out. If you leave it for too long she'll find someone or move on. And you'll be kicking yourself for ages. I haven't had strong feelings for a girl for many, many years. So pounce on it. Don't miss the boat. You make a move and you get her or you get rejected. Both are good outcomes as it stops you from ruminating over it.

There's never going to be a perfect time. You're always going to be waiting to feel a little bit better before you date but the chances are you're just wasting time.

Good luck with whatever you do. And if you do decide to go for it, I wouldn't tell her. Just take her out and on a date, flirt, and if it's going well go for the kiss

 

That's a great insight.
If you now start connecting to her, you will become emotionally dependent on her.

First things first.

 

Don’t get oneitis, I know that’s tough but you can do it. Also be talking to multiple females.

 

Oneitis...
Interesting...

Does make me think of the fear for abandonment....

 

Yea but how are you going to feel if you still like her this much, but she starts dating another guy? Even worse right?

Well, do what you want, but my personal opinion is: ask her out on a real date… if she says no, then cut contact with her for a while and become just friends with her later in the future after you don’t like her as much anymore

 

According to your profile name, how does God has a role in your issue?
Do you put Him on the first place in your life? On all areas?

 

I think focusing on yourself is the best idea. You're still young. Love will come and always be around when you're ready. And you seem not ready to take that big love step.

But it's not realistic to expect her to wait around for you to be ready. And jumping to gun by getting involved with her when you've decided to work on yourself is counterproductive. And you've already made the mistake by letting her get too close. From reading some of your other posts, I suspect that she's developed feelings for you as well. If you really want to focus on yourself and avoid relationships, then set better boundaries with women so that you don't wind up in this same predicament.

As for this girl, let her know of your intentions for yourself. And she'll probably not consider you romantic material and move onto someone else. No worries, work on yourself. Demonstrate to yourself that you are a person of value without the need of other's validating approval. It will make you a better, more attractive person.

Most of us on this forum have gotten involved in relationships prematurely without considering how our lust, dishonesty, and betrayal smashes everything to pieces leaving a trail of regretful actions and distraught loved ones.

The messed up addict inside me wants validation from others, particularly sexual validation from women. So that subconscious part of me will not be happy when I choose to set boundaries with other women. But that's the best choice for me and my sanity.

 

Man I was in the same boat as you with someone in my circle. I found myself not able to concentrate and only fantasising about her. One day I decided to just ask if she was single and it turned out she was in a long term relationship, and while it hurt me for a day or two, I very quickly got over it and the constant longing was gone. My advice it to just make her aware that you're interested, pull the band-aid off so to speak. Either she's interested (great) or she's not and you'll be able to use it as fuel to improve yourself, after you get over the initial pain of it.
I know you're scared about not being able to focus on yourself in a relationship, and if that's something you know you're not able to do from personal experience, I suggest working on it. I think a relationship (for the most part) should always be a growing experience for both parties.

 

I would, not saying you should, be cool. Chat to her when you see her but focus on yourself. Don't bring up the fact that you like her again, she knows.

Work hard, enjoy your life, and flirt with other women. If she sees you flirting with other women, don't be surprised if she suddenly seems more interested than she initially did. She said she needs time so give her time and space; let her miss you.

What I wouldn't do, which I am massively guilty of it the past, is putting your life on ice while you "wait" for this girl. And in future, if you meet someone and there are sparks – just go for kiss. I found telling a girl you like her rarely works out. It puts too much pressure on her as now the ball is in her court.

Good luck!

 

This may not be rejection. By telling her how you feel, you have now changed the dynamics of the relationship. I really think you did the right thing here. Also, girls view time differently and how they think about life and relationships is different than us guys. Sometimes a girl will like a guy one day, then not like him the next day, and then like him again the day after.

I don't think she necessarily rejected you. She might want to analyze you more and see how things go, to see if you can be calm, patient, and be a sturdy, trustworthy boyfriend in the future.

I'd recommend to not text her or talk to her for a little bit. If you see her in person, be nice and friendly. But don't let her put you back in the friend zone. If you two are just hanging out one day after class or walking together after class or something, maybe ask if she wants to go get a cup of coffee or tea or juice or something like this.

Also, during this time, you should really concentrate on not doing PMO or MO. Dress nice and keep yourself clean and looking good, especially if you are going to see her.

I think you have a chance, she didn't outright reject you. She could have said "o, we are just friends". But now the dynamic has changed, which is what you wanted.

If a lot of time starts to pass and it seems like she is not going to become your girlfriend or you are not going to date, then its up to you how you want to proceed. Personally, I can't really be friends with a girl if I like her as more than a friend.

But anyways, just relax right now, you did your job. Try to escalate things though further and keep working on yourself to become the best version of yourself. Who knows, maybe she will suddenly start to like you 8 days from now.

Keep us updated though on here! and good luck, and great job you should feel proud of yourself for expressing how you really feel inside

 

I will admit, she probably isn’t into you. That wasn’t necessarily a rejection, but many girls talk in vague terms like that because they want to avoid a potential blow up from men who feel spited after being turned down. So I would at least take it as a rejection for now, and try to move on. You shouldn’t ignore her completely or anything, but try to prioritize other things in life. Spending time with friends, working on schoolwork, getting invested into a hobby or a video game or something can help. You don’t have to go cold turkey with your feelings for her, but eventually if you intentionally shift your focus from her you will feel that grip on you loosen. Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be. That doesn’t make you a bad guy or her a bad girl, no one can control attraction. You could be a perfect dreamboat and still just not do it for her, and that’s something that’s part of life and you just gotta accept. You will get through this man. Keep us updated.

 

Any update on the situation? Have you talked to her about any romantic stuff at all?