Hi, I don’t know if this is just me, but I feel like shit after reading erotic stories. I find so many that are written are either non consensual, violent or taboo, and I hate myself after reading them... I find in some ways they can be worse than porn, because they are only limited by the (often disturbing) imaginations of the writers... I want to stop reading them.
Hi, Erotic stories are porn. I agree with you, there are very twisted stories and the only limit is the limit of imagination. I'm struggling with the guilt and shame associated with the kind of stuff I read and get aroused to (and also to japanese cartoon porn). I've recently started working on it with my therapist (difficult). I think the solution lies in that we have to learn to dissociate between sexual thoughts, sexual fantasies and who we really are. I think sexual fantasies and arousal comes from our primal brain whereas the moral judgment on the fantasy comes from our intelligent brain, resulting in a conflict. It's a bit blurry for me now. But I'm hoping to better understand why I read what I read, what it arouses me, why I feel disturbed afterwards and why I feel guilty and ashamed. I made a thread about sexual fantasies and pornography yesterday (Natural Sexual Fantasies vs Porn-Induced Sexual Fantasies). It would be interesting to get your opinion. I ended up mixing sexual fantasies with elements of stories and videos I had read/watched which can result in very disturbing scenarios. I would end up feeling sick and disgusted at myself. My therapist recommended a book called Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. I just started readinf it. It can help you deperzonalize your fantasies and it will help you understand why you read this or that and that there is nothing wrong with it. My therapist said several times that violence in thoughts and fantasies are normal (they're coming from our primal brain) - as long as we don't act out of course! I'll share more with you as I learn more.
stop that bro its so dangerous because its play with our imagination your fight will become easier in the long run if u can handle lucid imagination and this erotic stories will make it harder
I talked about sexual fantasies to my therapist today and she said there's nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed of. She said we are not our thoughts and we are not our fantasies. I have a hard time accepting that, because my entertaining the fantasy or by reading a story, we somewhat give it a place in our head.
Hey, just wanted to relate and send some support, self loathing after indulging in pornographic material is pretty much universal, don’t feel like you’re alone in that regard i get that so much, I’ve only started this week but what’s keeping me straight and motivating me is that porn is all bullshit literally and metaphorically -keep that in mind and admitting how it affects you is the first step. I want to feel like the person people actually see when they see me, not the guy im pretending to be and so far thats keeping me straight. You’re a beautiful person just let go of what makes you feel ugly, good luck
Hey all, I read an interesting article today. Besides the fact that the guy talks bollocks about porn addiction, he makes interesting points about sexual fantasies and why we shouldn't beat ourselves up for thinking stuff or feeling aroused by stuff. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201404/sexual-fantasies
I agree that sexual fantasies are not inherently bad (though I perverted mine with mass quantities of porn and erotica, and by trying to steer my fantasies in particular directions. I did open the link, but I could not get past the subtitle. "A way to have sex with everyone" - Really? That sounds manipulative and indulgent - I can't let myself think of fantasies that way. To the OP, @lostgirl20 - I just finished reading a "classic" novel with a lot of "love scenes". Even though it was not rough or violent (mostly), I still found it a little disturbing. As @IGY said, Erotica is porn. A great work of art may include some nudity but . . . porn takes that to the extreme. It's more sexual stimulation than our brains were ever meant to handle. Even in the past when there were such things as orgies, they did not have instant access to so much sexual stimuli as we have today. I think it's the same with erotica. A good novel may have some erotic scenes, but if it's predominantly erotic scenes, then it's erotica, and that is probably more sexual stimulation than our minds were meant to handle.
Thanks everyone for replying! It means a lot. I find in particular I feel disgusted about certain stories that I read, especially themes like brother-sister incest. I hate myself for it, but find they’re so common. And also the amount on erotic stories online that involve non consent. I find I can only cope when I abstain, and wish that I had no sex drive at all. I feel like a horrible person, especially when the things I read are ones that I would find abhorrent in real life... I’m scared of talking to anyone about it because it seems so fucked up...
These are super common themes as you can probably tell from the number of views those stories get. There are logical explanations. For the non consent thing, the arousal comes from your primal/reptile brain. It's the part of the brain that feels emotions and has pulsions and urges, as opposed to your rational brain which calculates and thinks. Your reptile brain doesn't care about right or wrong. All it wants is to feel good. Violence and sex are common things the reptile brain craves, just like in the animal kingdom. So non-consent sexual fantasies may be an expression of that animalistic, ruthless nature of your self. You want to "take" without caring about the other individual, or you want to "be taken" without having to worry about your performance and whether your partner will feel satisfied. Rape fantasies seem to be very common amongst women by the way. For the incest thing, there would also be many logical explanations but what I think makes more sense is arousal comes from the security the fantasy provides of this sense of unconditional love. In the ideal world, the people who are most likely to unconditionally accept you and love you are your family members (parents and siblings). In real life, you might not feel unconditionally accepted or loved for who you are. So you create a fantasy, or get aroused by fantasies, wherein characters who truly accept and love each other have sex. Even if it's wrong because they're family members. So the main purpose of those incest fantasies is pretty much to suppress the fear of rejection you might feel in real life. Having fantasies in your head doesn't mean your a freak. Thoughts are thoughts. Of course, if it makes you feel bad, stop reading them. However, don't let those thoughts or fantasies cause you to feel shame. There are logical and rational explanations why these stories arouse you. If it really worries you, try to analyze your fantasies under the light of what I just told you. Why are these stories arousing to you? Do they alleviate fears of rejection? Fears of not satisfying your partner in real life? Once you know why you get aroused to those stories, they will probably lose their arousing power and you will feel less shame about it.