Day 69 - Most Challenging Day Yet

Day 75. Pretty smooth sailing at this time. Yesterday I felt like I was in a bit of a flatline but today I feel pretty good. I laughed out loud at something on the radio on my drive to work this morning. I have a wicked sense of humor but rarely laugh out loud, so that's a good sign. Hope all you former fappers are doing good out there in the world....

 

Day 77. I'll be in work meetings all day so likely no urges. Things are getting easier and easier as far as PMO goes. I'm really noticing the effect Psubs, even the most innocuous Psubs, have on urges. I'm mentally gearing up to hit Day 90 and start another 90 day reboot, this time focusing on no Psubs. I spent some time this morning thinking about how long it may be before I feel my brain is rebooted to where I'd like it to be. In all honesty, at this point I'm realistically thinking about 3-5 years. As I continue to progress in recovery that 3-5 year number doesn't seem as scary, and in fact seems quit comforting. Strange and wonderful.

Hope you are all feeling better each day. Your well being is important.

 

Day 80. Had a good weekend not being a fapper. At some point in the last 80 days my beliefs on masturbation shifted from thinking that M'ing was, at the very least, a necessary daily body maintenance, to thinking that M'ing is a sad habit like biting your fingernails, except that the habit comes with some serious consequences depending on your level dependency on it. Once my belief shifted, abstaining became like second nature.

As I continue to abstain and recover, it seems there's still lots of cleanup to do of many old subconscious rituals surrounding Psubs. Because I had been in the habit of searching searching searching online, that behavior had spilled out into my real life, and I was always scanning women anywhere I went. How sad and fucking creepy. I was constantly filling my mental spank bank with images of women from work, the gym, the store, etc.... The good news is that as I continue rebooting, I'm not oogling. It's not even a willpower thing either. Once I stopped believing that M'ing was necessary, oogling became unnecessary also, because I don't need to store any mental images for later, since I won't be rubbing one out. Another benefit is that because I'm not secretly oogling, I don't carry that horrible shame of being creepy. Without that ick of the shame running through me, I'm more confident and much less stressed. With less minute-to-minute stress in my day, I've got more energy, and the intensity of my athletic workouts has ramped up because of it. It's a snowball effect of health and wellness benefits.

So at this point, 80 days in, I'm watching out for old habits, mostly in relation to Psubs, and learning new ways to break those rituals. It's still hard to talk about my old creepy habits, but it is getting easier. I plan to start another 90 day reboot as soon as I'm done with this one. The next one will focus mainly on eliminating Psubs completely. I've been trying to get a head start already. I'd say lesson 1 has been a sort of "mindfulness" when in public or when using social media. By being mindful that I'm not going to be fapping, it's unnecessary to leer and oogle and it's much easier to "be myself". Thankfully, "myself" is a non-creepy, socially responsible, funny and confident guy! Who knew?

I continue to get great benefits from interacting on NoFap, telling my story, offering encouragement, sympathy, and empathizing with the men and women who share the struggles of PMO (and other life issues). Good luck in your own personal recovery!

 

Thanks Russell. Good luck with your reboot!

 

I'm married. I have no goal of being a mentor, but I do enjoy helping when/where I can. I was fortunate in some ways that internet porn wasn't so readily available until I met my wife. I did use PMO when I was single, but I don't know that I would classify it as addiction at that point. I think it certainly affected my emotions (negatively) and the way I viewed women at that point in my life (objectifying), but I wasn't aware of it's effect. Streaming P wasn't an option, only downloading, which was slow and kind of a pain in the ass. Once streaming P entered the equation, I began to develop an edging habit, and the escalation effect led me to webcam sex. I do think that if I was single now, I would have much more difficulty. Especially so with apps like Tindr, which I have thankfully never used. I count my blessings to be married to an amazing and beautiful person.

I do think the recovery process can be mostly similar for single people vs people in relationships. The first step is to establish a workable goal involving abstinence from your vice. When I initially chose 90 days it seemed like a very long time, but I had just completed 14 or so days as a "test run", so I knew 90 was possible. I've never felt like 90 days would be enough to fully reboot or fully recover, and I plan to continue until well beyond when I "feel" fully recovered. At this point, I'm not sure I'll ever be a fapper again. I guess you could say that MO is a trigger for me to use P, and MO is not necessary for my happiness (as I know now for certain), so why not eliminate MO altogether?

I hope you continue to get better and feel better. And thanks for reading my story!

 

Day 82

Many things are becoming second nature. It's becoming less and less a conscious decision not to check a woman out, and more a habit of not doing it. My social media use is the same way - I'm not being tempted by sexy pics or links. I just see them and scroll on past. That's not what I'm there for.

I don't have any other real interesting things to report right now. I continue to meditate, work out, not masturbate and post here. Myy self confidence continues to rise and it's above sea level again for the first time in a few years. Progress, ladies and gentlemen.

 

Hi Shady. I've got to be honest, my initial gut reaction to your post was about the same as @Fork2323. I did take the time to go to your profile and read you journal. I don't take your comment on my journal personally -- you're feeling frustrated and that's completely understandable. Rejection is painful and frustrating. Your comment may be a sincere attempt at warning me about impending failure.
Just to be clear though, I am not doing this NoFap reboot for any religious or spiritual reasons. I am happily married to a beautiful and amazing woman, and am not abstaining from PMO to gain mojo, pheromones, or magic advantages to "get" women. I have a successful career and a salary that provides a nice home and a good living for my family. My reboot is not an attempt to garner self confidence in pursuit of financial gain. I choose to do this reboot because my PMO habit was out of a degree of control that I am comfortable with. My original intention was just to stop viewing porn for awhile as a test to see if there were any benefits. I noticed after a few weeks that masturbation wasn't at all necessary, not for health purposes and not for happiness or emotional benefit.
You have every right to fap away as often as you wish. If you are happy and comfortable with fapping, by all means indulge. If you are attempting reboot for any purpose other than breaking a PMO addiction, in my opinion you may be in for disappointment and are somewhat misguided by the many reported side-benefits of reboot. I do wish you the best whatever you pursue.

 

Day 84

Had some fairly intense mood swings the last 2-3 days, but they even out late yesterday afternoon and feeling pretty normal today. I'm not going to fap today and this weekend there's not much temptation or time. This entry isn't going to be real exciting, but that's ok.

Good luck everyone. Keep doing whatever it takes!

 

Just an update. It's now Feb 9, 2017. My streak is still intact. I started a new journal and have been updating it since I stopped this one. You can find it here:
https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/boom-chicka-wah-wah.80090/

 

Thanks @Deadlihood. You had responded to my first ever post on Nofap. I did end up kicking that day's ass and the asses of many days since then. Hope you are doing well.