Are you open?

Are you guys open with your wives about your struggles with porn and masturbation. I am an Irish catholic and have a prudish relationship and attitude to sex with my wife so all of this is in secret for me.
I am interested to know how many of you guys are in my situation or are most of you open with your wives about these problems?

 

Hey there. Im open to a point. She knows I struggle and knows the general type of porn that I've watched in the past. She knows I'm on this forum, but doesn't read what I post (although I do show her and talk about certain threads occasionally). She doesn't know the exact time I relapse or how frequently and I don't tell her every time I am tempted. We do talk about sex pretty openly though as a gerenal rule.

I'm Catholic too btw. Here's an interesting way to keep her informed that isn't too specific. When I relapse I'll often wait until after the closest Sunday to go to confession. That way I stay back from communion. It's not always porn related but it is a small first step in communication and at least a gives her a chance or opening to ask about it.

 

That's interesting. Do you have the option for Communion straight after mass? Do you tell the priest that you have masturbated and he gives you penance. Sorry to be nosey but I am realising that I am much more prudish than I thought. Our local priest know me and my extended family very well and I would feel embarrassed mentioning this to him. I can't remember when I went to communion last - its definitely over ten years!

 

There is no option for communion unless I go to confession, but we have a robust confession schedule at my parish so I just get communion next time. I don't mind the questions at all. I tell me priest all my sins. I've met with him a number of times one on one to discuss porn addiction specifically. We are even working together to possibly create a group for men in our parish who struggle with porn and masturbation. If you haven't gone up for 10 years then the communication tool I described is pretty useless, lol. It definitely is worth the awkward conversation to get things out in the open. Think of it as a courageous act.

 

Sorry I meant confession instead of communion in my post. To be honest I suffer from SSA so I would get aroused in a situation like that.
I always wondered how a priest deals with his own issues arising from celibacy. Did he share how he deals with it or just discuss your issues.
I might go to a priest in a different parish if I build up the courage!

 

Not in detail, but he mentions that he is prone to the same temptations and has to struggle through them. I'm sure he has his own confessor and moments of weakness. The priest I go to is good to challenge and push people towards holiness. It can be intimidating but it is the only way to grow IMO.

What is SSA if you don't mind my asking?

 

Btw our parish was started by a bunch of Irish Catholics. Are you from Ireland or just by heritage?

 

Full Irish here living in Ireland

 

My son goes to the parish school and the older nuns are all Loreto sisters with strong Irish accents...I hope to visit your country some day it seems beautiful. A million time different then the arid deserts of the US southwest.

 

Its worth a visit, it is beautiful. I live on the north coast and as I type I am looking out across the sea at the bottom of my garden. Its some of the nicest countryside in the world!
You sound very catholic! How devout are you, do you sue contraception etc?

 

I was reading your comment and something just struck me about it. There are likely reasons from your past that explain your prudishness but God is not one! God invented: the penis; foreskin; clitoris; vulva; precum; G-spot; breasts; labia; semen; vagina; prostate; ovaries; nipples; vas deferens; seminal vesicles; testicles; frenulum; scrotum; uterus; glans penis; raphe; perineum; anus. I haven't run out of internal and external genitalia, but I have made my point, I think!

So, I suggest that apart from those that have undergone severe sexual trauma and find it hard to call a spade a scrotum (lol), that we all loosen up a bit. It is like going to the GP with a problem in your Netherlands (or nether regions). Unless, you have some very dark history that haunts you, let us loosen up and get our kit off. Professionals have to listen to our sexual histories on a daily basis and must have see every size, shape and colour of genitalia to make their diagnoses.

In view of the foregoing, a priest (or other spiritual appointee), would be open to anything you need to confess brothers.

 

Very devote. Holy days, no contraception etc...but I wasn't always. I was a craddle catholic and grew up in mass, but I went though an adult conversion about 5 years ago and became much more active in the church. For a long time I wasn't active and had no real faith. My wife wasn't even baptized until 2 years ago.

I have always been attracted to simplicity and traditional life. We were married young at 19 even though we weren't that religious then.

 

Hahaha....are you sure you want that burden @IGY?

 

Maybe prudish is the wrong word, I am referring to my relationship with my wife more so. She was brought up in a very catholic family and is not far off the 'sex is for procreation' attitude. Our relationship is not at all open when it comes to sex, its just something we do when we get the time and opportunity occasionally.
When it comes to myself i am not prudish in the sense of my body, in fact I love showing off and being seen naked, it almost turns me on. I desperately want to go to a nude beach lol!

 

Same sex attraction (I assume).

 

I don't want the burden, noooo! But I am neither a priest nor a Dr, hahaha!

 

She is not wrong but not 100% correct either. It's unitive and procreative. Sex can be for joy and fun and pleasure. It brings you both together and closer in your relationship.

 

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
Are you crazy are you high
Or just an ordinary guy
Have you done all you can do
Are you with me Doctor

You know the rest....

 

Yeah, I would like to do that someday. Although I would prefer a woodland setting to a beach. It seems very natural.

 

Max you are making me really want to have sex with my wife now lol

And yes the SSA is same sex attraction