is this common?

What's wrong with your wife trying to seduce you? You're her husband after all... I think both partners should make an effort to "keep things interesting".

 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Really there was nothing wrong with any of the actions I watched, except that they weren’t my wife’s actions. The problem was me mentally forcing MY desires on her instead of being happy with who she was and what she felt comfortable doing. Respect for someone allowes them to like things you don’t and not like things you do. And if I display that respect it’s far easier for her to take into account my likes. Kind of like a vicious cycle, but good.

 

Doesn’t do anything for me now, but back when I was at my worst with the addiction, a lot of things triggered me. Clothing maybe would cause me to think of what it’s covering, but not the clothing itsself.

 

I should add a trigger warning. This story might or might not be helpful....

Spoiler: Trigger warning

When i was 14 my dad and i camped at the lake fishing for a week. Kind of remote.
We were on the boat, i was driving because my dad was drunk like usual. Anyway, a lady comes up on a jetskimand asks for help with their boat. I is swamped.
We go to help. A houseboat is also there with a couple of old guys.
Anyway, we help pull the half sunk boat out of the water and go back to camp. They ask if we will come back tomorrow to help some more.
The lady was wearing a one piece red swimsuit and is really good looking.
We come back the next day and are sitting on the houseboat deck. She is wearing some shorts i guess they loaned her while her swimsuit is drying over a rail. Well she is sitting on the deck in a way that i can see up the leg if her shorts. I don’t know what i’m looking at, but i like it. I had neve4 seen a woman’s private parts before. So t made me think about that swimsuit hanging there and how it covers THAT. AWESOME. The mind of a 14 yr old, ikr. So sometimes the connection just makes me think of things ive seen. And later P made it worse.

Not so much now, but you have to stop feeding it.

 

Idk just stopped P to start with then stopped fantasizing and M. Then forced myself to reject thoughts I felt were wrong

 

Pictures of clothes never did anything for me

 

Sorry @SpouseofPA , i didnt read this closely this morning, i was getting ready for work. Im not sure what you mean by this question. But I’ll answer it as I understand it. You can clarify if i don’t get it right....

When i saw that bathing suit, i was thinking about that woman’s girl bits that i just saw. These are the only ones i had seen irl or in P at that point. I truthfully didn’t really understand what I was seeing, i just knew it was new, forbidden, and awesome. Anyway, it was my general proxy for other girls if I fantasized about at that time. Girls in school mostly. If I imagined them getting naked, the one I had seen is the one I imagined them with. Not a textbook drawing. When I got the opportunity to see P that showed those parts later on, I got to see more of a variety and my ogling took on new dimensions.

I don’t know if this is relevant to what you’re asking, but as ive thought about it, my looking at women really was hoping that somehow i would get to see the same thing again. I think that was what I was looking for. “If she crouches in that skirt, i might get to see...”

Didn’t realize how much of an imprint that experience made on me until I was answering your question this morning.
So thanks.

 

I'm not sure how that works either but it is true for me too. There's an intimacy implicit in seeing underwear that is intoxicating even without imagining the people in them. It is hard to explain, sorry. It's hard to disentangle imagining a woman wearing the panties (say) but I do find the panties sexy in-and-of themselves, like your husband does.

 

Yeah.
I think I understand.
We (me and my SO) just went into Victoria Secret.
I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
He was sooooo nervous.
Instead he came out of there practically laughing.
He said, I don't know why I used to get so worked up.
Everyone wears underwear.
Everyone.

So there's that.

 

Yeah, cuz it was supposed to be erotic and underneath... But he had a revelation recently.
Whats so erotic about something everyone has everyday?
Nothing.
Literally Nothing is special about it.
(that's a quote btw)
Even kids have underwear.
He was laughing out loud.
No joke.
He was thrilled to come to this conclusion.

 

I think, for me, it is a peek into a concealed feminine world and that is exciting. I have often imagined what attractive women are wearing underneath, and when I did pornography I enjoyed the stuff that included slow undressing. It has that association for me, seeing something personal and normally hidden. It feels both naughty and like I have been invited in.

It is hard to put into words, nothing seems to adequately explain my feelings. This is not something I ever talk about!