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is this common?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by SpouseofPA, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    Are these things as complicated as they sound?
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    No... Just hard to do for as simple as they are
     
    SpouseofPA likes this.
  3. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    So for karezza, I think the entire point of it is bonding and connecting with your spouse in an intimate way. Breathing together, looking into each others eyes, caressing, etc. That's the benefit/point of it. My husband said after (and I think he liked it more than I did) that it felt like we were literally one.
     
  4. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    Is it awkward at first?
    is this really reading material/images that they should be looking at when they have PA?
     
  5. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    It was a little awkward at first yeah but then it was fine. As far as the book, I'm the one reading it, not him. I'm not through it yet so I don't know. So far I think it's OK for him if he wanted to read it but I'm not even halfway through yet.
     
    SpouseofPA likes this.
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    The biggest thing, for both in karezza or tantra, is probably not thrusting
     
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  7. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    And in karezza, you don't change positions... You have to work together as you are.
    Bonded.
    Kissing and whatever.
    Tantra - Is more mobile, as long as you aren't moving within each other.. And don't separate
     
  8. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    @phuck-porn! @anewhope @Digger @kropo82
    Just tagging some people that were apart of convo earlier (if i missed your name i apologize)

    i realize im taking us back awhile. but i quoted a section here and i was hoping to get more insight, since this is closest thing to what my husband does i can find.. (maybe)
    ok heres my question
    i understand that a mans mind can compartmentalize P and their relationship.Like a waffle. (this question may have been addressed in thread but i couldn't find direct answer)
    Now my question for you and anyone else that wants to answer....
    How do/did you go from Ming to P to Ming to images/fantasies of people you see at work/in real life (that you may interact with)?

    How does the progression work?
    Or did you start at the person and add the P?
    Did you consider the "person" not a person. just an image?
     
  9. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    For me it wasn't really a progression. Masturbating to porn is erotic and pleasurable, and masturbating to imagined scenarios with people I know is erotic and pleasurable. Neither lead to the other, they were just both there.

    I considered the person a person and the image a person, though I imagined her personhood incorrectly...

    I would imagine that the person was thinking "Here Tim, let me pull may panties aside and show you my pussy" when she was probably thinking "Shit, how did I end up in this terrible job and when can I go home"
     
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  10. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    thank you for your candor. and you are probably right, that is what she was actually thinking lol
     
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  11. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Actually thinking about it on the cycle home although neither led to the other porn did tend to blot the other out, it became harder to masturbate to just fantasies, I needed porn
     
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  12. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    hmm thats an interesting concept.
    so like picturing in your head *insert preferred thing here* got boring after a while. To the point that you craved to actually see *insert preferred thing here*?
     
  13. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    No, not that, though I have heard people report that here. It was more that
    1. My own fantasies lacked novelty, I could dream up new situations but not new women. Porn has the ability to totally suprise you with how stunning and arresting an image or a video is. And the quest for that moment can take you through hundereds of images. My own erotic daydreams cannot really compete with that.
    2. It's real. I know we can debate this, but when you look at a photo you know that the person was really there and really like that. But your fantasies are just make-believe.
    I'm not sure if these are all the reasons, or even true, but it was something like that. Sometimes, once I'd started trying to give up porn it felt like my psyche was trying to force me back to porn by making it impossible to masturbate to fantasy alone, with no new images. A silly thought but that's how I rationalised it.
     
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  14. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    it sounds like you'd get bored of the women you'd think of. (not sure if you did this....but Even if it were you SO?) so you turned to P for the "new".
    Do i understand you correctly?

    i wonder if the "new" is why men oogle...... they are looking for something new. or their brain is...
    they are substituting the P for the outside world. Scanning through all the women they see in the day to find new parts to catch a glimpse at.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2017
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  15. I started by fantasizing about girls in school and the occasional good looking teacher...
    P was mental fuel later when i was grown.
     
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