Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and face difficulties abstaining. I’ve been doing it since 2016-17.

Thank you for this message, yeah I couldn’t really deal with the chaser effect. Bro I need all the help I can get. I will consume knowledge one at a time but please share anything that could help. I have to start bettering myself but it proves difficult. Isn’t it annoying that we stay distracted until we fap and even after giving it our all, we fail again and again? I have always been a sensitive boy, I am the youngest in my family and I feel like I do my part as the youngest, being annoying but also sensitive. Only to my siblings though. But when I was alone, it kind of made it a part of me. And I feel like I do not have the courage to go on and abstain but I need to do it for my own sake, I know my god is most merciful, ever forgiving, and since its an addiction, it will take me time and I know my god understands and gives me another day to live, but I have been ever so ungrateful. It makes me cry that I am a disappointment but I need to turn it into rage. Rage that boils my blood so much that every time I see an image of that sort or the thoughts come, I will do a push up no matter where I am. I did do it today to tackle the chaser effect and it did work for sometime. I have the energy, the determination and the drive but my body cannot keep up. My body is so weak. I used to do 25 pushups with ease, 20 pull ups as well. Its sad. These numbers are already less, I couldn’t do shit today.

 

Yes brother, and the lack of inspiration and drive to focus somewhere else is another issue. I need to control my senses and my urges because when in future, when I have actually achieved a good streak of at least six months, I need to be able to fight the temptations and my desires. I need to look at them and feel no urges, sure I’ll have thoughts and desires but the urge, I don’t want it. It destroys everything. Sadly I’m not in a position to demand anything from myself except that I wake up every morning and start all over again if I have to.

 

Damn he opened my eyes. I was forgiving everyone but myself. That has given me comfort, thanks spartanpotential. I forgive myself and every performer that has given me a difficult time. I will do better going forward and will make a difference in my life.

 

Watched something, didn’t fap. Its messed up but I believe its the calling to the morning prayer that stopped it for me. Alhamdulillah. The urges are still there but I wouldn’t dare do it at this time when my god is closest. Astaghfirullah. I need to repent.

 

I’ve missed too many prayers just because of that reset which eventually was a relapse. I’ve sinned too much. But I hope to be forgiven anyway because Allah is the most merciful, the most compassionate. Don’t you ever give up on his mercy.

 

I have been hesitant to face him, knowing I will break down in my prayer.

 

I’m still considering it a relapse, I can’t go on like this. I shouldn’t have watched in the first place, I should’ve known better.

 

I should forgive myself but I should have enough guilt to better myself.

 

I am kind of doing bad at the moment, the urges and thoughts are persistent. And because of the relapse the images are persistent. I am in a big problem I feel like I forgot every step and am starting to question the meaning and purpose of life, only my religion provides me with a purpose, and if I didn’t have that, who knows where I’d be. Because if I didn’t feel like there was any purpose, there’d be nothing coming between me giving in to my sexual desires. Actually I’m only feeling this way because I am very tempted to mess up again. It is extremely difficult. I need to be rational. I need to think rationally. I need to approach this with brains.

 

Day 0, didn’t fap, I just need a clean day for once, past two days have been horrible.

 

I have had enough, I will restart my streak today. I will have a clean day.

 

I did not have a clean day yesterday but today was great, no urges, no thoughts, stayed away from it. This means I can restart my streak from tomorrow, Day 0 over.

 

Dammit. I get tempted too easily now. And why is it everywhere? I messed up again. Day 0 tomorrow again i guess. I’m getting tired of this. I hope its the last time.

 

Isn’t reading the best possible thing you could do to fight this addiction? I understand what you’re saying and I have applied it before but somehow I have forgotten the measures I took to get a long streak. Thanks brother.

 

I don’t wanna blame it on my exams but I am unable to get anything done and always procrastinate about studying. I guess I have been dealing with the demotivation very lightly but its taking a toll on me. I’m too sensitive nowadays, usually teary eyed, I do have guilt but its not stopping me. Somehow, throughout the years, I have always had guilt for doing this, but that used to depress me more and I further fell down this dark path. Depression lead to more of it. I am considering a break from this. I really need focus and the last thing I need to focus is on anything related to fap. Maybe it would help more if I focused on something else. I’ve been regularly visiting here but I feel like I really need to stop at this point. I haven’t given my best, all the people here give much more than me but I will come back stronger and with more focus. Trying to not masturbate only leads to more of it. I will try to build healthy habits first, while avoiding it as much as I can, instead of coming here and looking for motivation, I will write down my own motivation. If it works, I might not come back here. But I ain’t coming here for 1.5 months and will come back after my semester exams. I will focus my energy on studying till then. See you guys later.