Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and face difficulties abstaining. I’ve been doing it since 2016-17.

Don’t be brutal on yourself but be brutal on yourself when it comes to your desires. Even if you make a tiny bit of move to look up something like that, don’t be happy that you closed it before you could search it up, be angry that you even tried to look up something like that. NO EDGING ALLOWED. Nothing of that sort happened though guys, I just felt like I needed to be more serious in my earlier attempts, but I was new. I have found my way. I just have a feeling I’ll make it now, in sha allah.

 

Damn I did not update yesterday lol. Im on day 8 at the moment, day 7 was very easy, I had fun, I was productive, increased my focus for a bit longer duration. When I end up in a class, I am unable to focus more than an hour, but now I can focus 30 mins extra. Slowly, we’ll get there.

 

Also I was busy yesterday and couldn’t work out, sad but today, I have enough time to work out.

 

Okay its day 8 and the thoughts and urges are starting to come again. I need to tackle these 3 days, friday, saturday and sunday. Then, I’ll definitely get a streak of 15 days.

 

Yeah this is where the trouble begins, my streak has only just started.

 

I have not looked at images this week, it has been easy so far but I again ended up reading something, isn’t it always one thing led to another? how disappointing, I did have an urge but I didn’t act upon it, like I said, no edging allowed, I’m glad I have enough willpower in me to say no even when one thing has led to another, I said I’m in control this time and it was enough.

 

I cleaned up my history today and it sucked, it had so much porn in it, I am surprised websites never showed up in suggestions. Anyway, I avoided it and didn’t even reach the point of edging, I did have urges but I have better control over me, probably because someone said fuel the drive, however, I haven’t been fueling the drive for some days and the urges are getting stronger, I must not give up on healthy habits, I must find a way. The thing is, there’s so much i have to do. Around three assignments, I have 3 tests to prepare for, and then there are practicals I will have to prepare for, a back paper, and then my semester exams. I have a lot to do and I have very little time, maybe it is a blessing in disguise and I’ll stay busy. Let’s make sure we don’t have time for pmo, and let’s make sure to have time for working out and eating healthy. Will update you guys in the morning, day 9 is done and dusted ALMOST.

 

I must not procrastinate, I’ve been procrastinating about solving my procrastination, its so weird, I said I’d write the things that I have to do, and then do it one by one, but I’ve been procrastinating that as well. Anyways, lets get to it, lets write it down finally, see you guys later.

 

Well writing didn’t help because I got busy in other things today and went to play football, I like spending time with my brother, its good. I like spending time with family. I feel super comfortable, but I need to still get out of my comfort zone, they are not always gonna be there, im the youngest so I feel that way. I must keep working on myself and growing.

 

Almost day 11, few more hours, and monday starts so i’ll be busy with college, I probably won’t have time to think about all this. And will fail to update here. Need to just make it to the end of the day. I feel like I’ll make it this time guys, even after having strong urges, I’m able to remove them. With praying and reading quran, everything is possible, there’s so much exercising i’m doing, I’m bathing everyday, this is also important, take a cold shower everyday, it is so good for you. I played football today then had a cold shower. So exercise done, cold shower done, I haven’t meditated well today, I consider prayers my meditation, so i have to do it 5 times a day. And the other thing is reading, I have to read something. Haven’t read anything today.

 

okay day 11 over, on day 12 now. Back to proper meditation and taking cold showers everyday. I will not sleep after fajr today. I have two tests and I’m gonna prepare for those. I should take shower right now because the water will be colder right now. Listen to Surah rahman after fajr, is peaceful and very nice. See you guys later.

 

What a day, had everything I needed. But I feel like I’m getting tempted again, today i could not lower my gaze, I think the desires want to come out but I must keep them closed. I should keep lowering my gaze. The thing is today girls in college dressed in a very revealing manner. Anyways, I’m annoyed but I shouldn’t let it get to me. Lets end the day on a good note. Alhamdulillah.

 

Dammit. I ended up resetting. I will tackle the chaser effect for now. It eventually caught up to me. I was getting tempted by real life experiences and I woke up aroused in the morning and ended up resetting. I will have to tackle the chaser effect for now. I would be able to do a week’s work if i tackle the chaser effect, that’s how i feel. I’ll take a cold shower. Dammit. I’m angry I couldn’t go further. SUCH STUPIDITY. Sleeping late really does you bad. Sorry guys, i let you down but I let myself down. I will restart my streak. I have realized that even a bit of temptations can lead me to all this. I thought it was too late at night when i was going to sleep and I neglected my duties of reading stuff before sleeping. i have also realized that sleeping in wudu is the only way I can tackle the temptations in the morning. There was much to learn from this. We just need to tackle the chaser effect for a week.

 

Basically I was tired last night and it caught me off guard in the morning. I forgot I had an experience like this before when I didn’t make wudu and slept without reading important surahs. Add to that the feeling of tiredness and the revealing females in the college, I choose to forgive them, its not their fault, I should have better control over myself. Chaser effect hasn’t bothered me so far. Its only a reset.

 

Day 0.
my best streak so far. 12 days. Maybe 1 day ill have 12000 days streak. I made it over a week for the first time. I hope to get better at abstaining. I must focus on fueling the drive.

 

I’ve been there before :-/

 

The urges have been strong and I ended up looking at some images. But I’ve held on and closed it. There is a fear in me that I will be worse off if I crumble now. Even looking at those pics can make the urge stupidly unbearable. But I must not look at them either way, the urges are taking a toll on me but its the chaser effect and I don’t know how long the chaser effect is gonna chase me but I feel like I would be better off if I actually abstained through the chaser effect and I feel like it would give me a lot of motivation. If i get through the chaser effect, that means I can control my urges in a much better way.

 

Also, it feels like its effectiveness has doubled since I last looked at the images. in my head, there is curiosity for those images but I know its nothing but desires. Its curious because I did not look at it with intent, but I definitely searched with an intent. Dammit, I should have abstained. I will fight this no matter what. I can’t promise anything at the moment though but I’ll try my best to give it my all. As long as I’m rational in my thinking and know my weakness against it, I will be able to tackle this issue.