My fractured but whole life ....

I'm not gong to tell you that your body cannot function properly without fuel because I'm sure you know this. That includes sleeping and thinking clearly. It sure does sound like the stress of dealing with your selfish, unkind bf has triggered your eating issues again. Your body needs protein. Your brain is 80% fat. You NEED fuel.

 

Hi AAG... you're right, you can't keep it bottled up. As you internalize this it's easy to self-destruct because you have no outlet the express your emotions other than to avoid eating. Your BF has his issues. You can't let his PMO drive you into a dark place. Getting out and shopping is a great start. Do things that bring you pleasure.

Go ahead and have something to eat... chicken sounds good to me. You're goal is to find yourself and get your life..

Not eating, and other self-destruction actions won't change anything. In this case, you'll need to work through what you want for you. Things that you enjoy and want to do!! Stuff that makes you smile and laugh.

Please take care!
Cheers, HF

 

No... It's not about attention it's about hiding from things that hurt... And your bfs PMO hurts you. It's a way of acting out against the pain. Healing comes when you separate yourself from your bfs issues. He has no control over your feelings... Unless you allow it.

Your life is yours to live and enjoy. Along with good health and fun.

Wife in the Dark is right... It's important you eat to stay healthy. I'm not sure about my brain being 80% fat, but that would definitely explain some weight issues for me. Funny, I thought I was a bone head.

Take care, please eat. Get out and enjoy. Life is good. So is chicken, pizza and ice cream.

HF

 

I understand you are hurt by this, but trying to find a man who doesn't like porn is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

We were exposed to porn (in one form or another) when we were children. It was legalized by our governments and then made available in our homes at a click of a button.

Try to think of it like this: our government legalizes heroin (or any other seriously addictive substance) and then posts it to our homes for children to find and consume.

For the most part, everyone is OK with the knowledge that this goes on and the hypersexualization of our society doesn't seem too bad.

But when a husband is caught looking at porn and masturbating (which he has been doing since he was a child),...shock horror...how can life go on?

1. Please, try not to take this personally, cos it isn't.
2. Try to empathize with him. He can't see this is wrong. His brain is messed up.
3. Try to lose your insecurity.
4. If you want to know how difficult quitting PMO is, try to stop eating sugar for 30 days...then times that difficulty by about 100.
5. Try to put yourself in his position, cos there are women on here just like him. As a child you started looking at porn, which is legal and considered normal and harmless by virtually everyone in society, THEN YOUR COULDN'T STOP.

 

Well, try to imagine you have a son who is addicted to porn. Highly likely, actually.

 

Actually, it is VERY PERSONAL. How can anyone NOT take it personally when they are rejected and told that they can never measure up to a fantasy? When your significant others chooses to spend time with a computer instead of you, it's personal. When your SO denies you honesty, trust, affection, kindness, comfort, and normal human interaction, it's PERSONAL. If I hit you with a car and then told you that the pain was just due to my distracted driving so don't take it personally, would that make your injuries hurt less??? How dare you tell this poor girl not to take her bf's mean, insensitive treatment personally?

The addiction itself may not be personal, but all the injuries to a significant other that are caused by the addicted person are VERY, VERY PERSONAL.

 

Just read through your journal, about a girl. Wow. What an incredibly tough situation for you

Sitting on the outside, it would be super easy for me to advise you to 'just leave him', seeing how much pain he has caused you. However, as you say, you don't feel like you have anywhere else to go right now, and you feel "stuck" in your situation. Plus, you still have a side of you that still loves him, and that makes the situation exponentially more complicated.

I completely understand how difficult it is to make a big life change. I'm not sure what options are out there for you right now, but what I do know is that you need someone, anyone, to talk to. We can only do so much behind a computer screen. Do you have any friend you can trust? Maybe that therapist can help if you choose to see them...?

In any case, the status quo isn't good enough for you. I certainly hope you can find someone who can give you the courage to make a much needed change.

I'm rootin' for ya!

 

Hey, just checking in to see how you're doing

Sounds like the last few days have been tough for you. But I'm glad you've been getting some good advice on here.

How did the Therapist session go? Did it make things any clearer? I agree with @scote73, talking in person with someone can help a lot. Even if you don't feel you have close friends at the moment, I'm sure there are more people who care about you then you realise. Just look how popular you are on here.

And don't be worried that every guy is addicted to porn. I know plenty that aren't. And this forum at least shows even guys that have been don't all think it's normal or healthy.

Keep buying yourself nice foods. And treat yourself, do nice things for yourself, you deserve it!

 

@about a girl best of luck for tomorrow

 

Hello AAG,

I have a friend who has had an eating disorder. It was interesting to hear her talk about it, although this was many years ago that this conversation occured, but I still remember it as it was heartbreaking to hear about her struggle. She said something very similar to you. It was about being able to control that one thing in her life that she could when everything else was out of control. Building on this, can you try other outlets to bring order to your life? Be aware of the things that you do have control over and make conscious decision on those things, no matter how small them seem. You need to realise that you are not powerless, although it may feel this way. You are the master of your own destiny.

Please be careful and make sure you reach out to get the support that you need right now. Even if you are not able to tell your friends the full story, it can be good to know that you have support.

Glad you have your therapist appointment tomorrow. Good luck with it. We're all thinking of you.