My fractured but whole life ....

Why will you get sick if you eat? Do you have GERD? Or are there other problems maybe psychological? If the latter you don't have to post it here I am curious and I care about what you are going through.

 

Yes he will, although he doesn't seems to deserve it right now.

I used to binge on porn without really understanding why. I know that because I wasn't getting enough real stuff, I had a reason to do so (not a good reason, but a reason nevertheless). I knew that hanging out with the wife watching tv show I didn't like wasn't an option. She knew and kept doing her stuff, no change. She was claiming that she didnt realize that sex was rare...At some point, going directly to PMO without claiming $200 seemed the way to go. Easy...no chances to be turned back. Issue is that my wife wasn't feeling really good in the first place.

All of a sudden, me and her understand each other better....strange. Like a "life shake-up" or an awakening. But we humans can stick to the routine for a long time without changing anything... we get our head in the sand. Now, we are still shaking our head to get leftover sand out

Your man seems to have its head in the sand.



What is his problem really? Stressed out? Addicted to other stuff? What is he complaining about? Anything outstanding?

 

About a girl,

You seem to be in an endless circle, maybe downward spiral. You might have made the wrong choice by moving in with this guy. He should be making you feel good. He seems like and ignorant prick.

When you live with saomebody, you are a life partner. Sharing the good, the bad, the hardship, etc. That dud is not sharing. He's not taking care of you. his is not a "life partner"for you.
Stop flogging yourself here and work on your escape plan. Family? Friends? Another man will make you feel better im sure.

 

Sorry to hear about your parents. Very sorry. You are in the perfect situation for an inconsiderate fux to take advantage of you. It's easy for him to take you for granted. Another man another issue, we're not perfect! Beware of the druggies and/or alcoholics. The problem here is not PMO really I think. Its just what actually makes you feel alone right now with this guy. You are, by your situation, depending on him quite a bit right now. You need to build YOUR foundation (friends, support groups for women) etc.
Your stability should not depends only on him if he's treating you like that.
If he's not violent with you (either physically or emotionally), you have time. You'll grow out of this, trust me.

Years ago, I met a neighbor in his 40's (a dude living on welfare checks) that helped a young 18 yo girl to get out of an abusive relationship with her Dad. He's was kind to her at first and got her to move in with him (she had nowhere to go). He started to consider her like a girlfriend. Having sex with her. She got a job. He took all of her money to pay for his drugs...he kept her in a vulnerability situation...we tried to help her, but she was afraid of him...we thought she would seek help, but in the end she chose to stay. We moved out and lost track...

You need to find a man that you know will go above an beyond to help you, support you and same to be said for you. A BF/friend/lover/good father, etc...a partner.

 

Take care of yourself, you need that job!

 

I agree. But I also think @about a girl has her head in the sand. Day after day, journal entry after journal entry....He has made his decision. You told him to choose between you and P, and he chose P. And yet you are still there, showing that there are no consequences for his choice. In fact, it was not a choice at all because he chose P and you are still there. Meanwhile, you continue to absorb his psychological abuse.

I don't want to deter you from complaining about it in here. It's a valuable outlet, and you're getting lots of support and advice, and that's all very important. But complaining about it isn't going to change it. I asked you this question once before and never got an answer, so I'll ask it again: Is the status quo acceptable to you? If not, then you must be prepared to do something to change it. If you do nothing, then nothing will change.

 

I just hope you take action to end your suffering, rather than just continue to take it. But that doesn't seem likely at this point, based on your posts. In any event, I won't bother you any more about this, I promise.

 

When you need sleep, being on a computer or phone is the worst possible thing you could do. The blue light they emit reset your circadian rhythms and tell your body to ALWAYS be awake at that time. If you aren't sleeping, you need to expose yourself to more sunlight during day light hours. Switch off your electronic device a minimum of an hour before you want to go to sleep. And maybe take an antihistimin or something to knock you out at night until you are back to sleeping normally.

This is the hardest time of your life and you need all your wits about you to deal with it and make good decisions. You have to be your own advocate to get the life you want and deserve. Getting enough sleep will help you have the mind space you need to deal with your bf's selfishness. And keep your job....which you're going to need if you are going to work towards that better life that you deserve!

We're all pulling for you to get through this and BE STRONG.

((((Hugs)))))

 

I really like the idea of talking this stuff over with your future happy, fulfilled self. What would THAT girl tell you? She loves you and is strong. Have you considered keeping a journal where you can write down your conversation with that girl? Visualize her. What are her best personality traits? What makes her strong? What are her truths?

She isn't so very far away from you in the future.
You can do this!!!