You are missed

Cirilla disappeared recently

 

She deleted the profile or is just absent from participating?

 

I'm not sure. The forum has at least three forms of account deletion/suspension. Her profile is not here anymore but at least some of her comments remain under a "guest" account named cirilla. Perhaps she intends to return in the future.

 

It would be nice, she was very helpful with the navigation and admin stuff when i first started this profile.

 

I remember when I first joined she was here and posted quite frequently but then for about two or three years, she disappeared only to return.

 

She's gooone I better learn how to face it.... ( Hall & Oates song)

 

Low–key sad that @Cirilla deleted her account. We were definitely not super close on the forums, but I used to like reading her self development journal; she had an interesting writing style and weird but cool job I've never head of in my life before. I guess I kinda saw myself in her struggles a little bit, maybe that's why I found her interesting.

I don't think she's coming back this time. Because she wrote in her journal that she thought for years that she was a porn addict, so that's why she kept being on this website, but then she talked about her porn addiction with her psychologists and they said that she is not addicted, but that her compulsive PMO'ing was just an expression of her BPD. So now she did not feel like she belongs here anymore. So I think this time is different and she's gone for good. I hope it's for the best and she moves on with her life towards more freedom and happiness.

 

Other than porn and support, I think this forum becomes a way to escape boredom for a lot of us. It’s sad that Saskia is inactive because I member her being an extremely supportive and kind person —although it’s weird to say that I’m sad she’s not here…kind of like saying you’re happy to see someone back here since that usually means things aren’t going good for them….I’m rambling.


I like apples.

 

Maybe you're right. I will say I went through a period where I stopped coming here for almost a year because I thought porn wasn't so bad and no one was actually addicted to it. But listening to Louise Perry convinced me to use porn was harmful and the fact I still use it after coming to that conclusion proved to me I have some sort of addiction. So maybe Cirilla will come back but maybe she won't. I'm quite liberal and think that not everyone who looks at porn is addicted to it in the same way, not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. So maybe her psychologist is right and she isn't addicted. At the end of the day, it's down to each individual to work out.

 

Yeah it sucks when people disappear, esp ones you’re familiar with and whose journey connects with yours.

The unknown is what is hard. Are they better? Did they hit a low? Kidnapped by a cult? Comforting when they post a “last post” or an “I’m outta here” post.

 

Yes, I can relate, this is not my first account on this forum either, I did also have periods over the years where I've come and went. I notice people tend to leave this forum for different reasons; some people straight up menage to get rid of this addiction for a while, so they think they don't need to be here anymore, but then they relapse two or three years later and come back, another common one would be feeling like you've outgrown this community and would better progress alone, and then of course changing the way one sees porn is definitely one that I notice often as well. I think often times we tend to fall in the trap of focusing on the terms themselves rather than the actual behaviors that these terms point towards. For me the definition of the term "addict" is pretty simple: you do it compulsively in a harmful excess, and want to stop, but can't. This reminds me a little bit of that joke about dealing with the obesity crisis in America by changing the official definition of obesity from 30+ BMI to 40+ BMI, so the adult obesity rate drops from 42% to 9% over nigh; it pretends to fix the problem by changing the definition, yet no actual change is made in the real world. And while I can not honestly say that I have full trust to the opinions of the mental health professionals, because from what I see most of them are uneducated about pornography addiction, I myself also am not a doctor, and there are for sure lots of nuance to each individual circumstance that I can not judge. I however stand by the fact that pornography consumption fundamentally is unhealthy when done in excess and in a compulsive manner, and when combined with inability to stop it constitutes a real and tangible problem, no matter what terms one might use or not use for labeling it. But I agree with you that, generally speaking, porn consumption does not have to be by default associated with addiction—just because I may not be able to stop until I drink 4 bottles of vine does not mean that you can not have a one glass before dinner couple times a week and enjoy yourself in a healthy way.

 

Modern Milarepa, he got banned over a year ago, but I really liked reading his writings and teachings, they were really cool

Hope your doing well wherever you are

 

I agree, you can use porn and not be or get addicted. Especially when you consider how many people are exposed at a young age but not all get addicted or even use it.

 

I believe most people are addicted they just deny it.
99% of the people i went to school with with maybe the exception of 1 person all watched porn, it was completely normalised, noone knew it was an addiction therefore noone would say they are addicted, but know that 99% of them are watching porn every week regularly and think its normal.
I would say they are all addicted but they don't see it as an addiction, you are in your 50s I think so your perspective is different, from how I have grown up watching porn is as normal as eating dinner. noone is going to say they are addicted to eating dinner

 

I agree, think there are more addicted than the numbers suggest, but don’t believe it’s 99%. I was exposed to porn at 13, my friend was 11 and I can still see the magazine we were looking at. Neither he nor I are addicted in spite of the fact that growing up, free sex was pushed everywhere. It was a time where church values ie virginity was mocked and masturbation was being sold as normal and healthy and encouraged. So was using drugs, using drugs and having sex was seen as being free.They just started the “ just say no to drugs lol. Much like today, except now there is actually an understanding by many (other than religious people) that it can be very harmful. We had porn, it was harder to get thank god. But no one thought it was harmful. Except the ultra religious. At least today there is some awareness. I made sure my kids ( 20, 22,24) all knew it was dangerous. I made sure they understood it could harm their brains just like drugs. They were taught at a very young age what porn could do. There was no one teaching us this when we were growing up. I wish there was even more awareness but like cigarettes it’s going to take time before it’s really acknowledged among the majority.

 

I think gen Z women are becoming more and more aware of the dangers of porn, hook-up culture, as well as other practices like BDSM that have gained popularity among millennials. I frequently visit radical feminist communities (the kind of feminism that always opposed porn and the sex trade) and many women there are gen Z. Even some media outlets paid attention to this fact about gen Z :

Why Sex-Positive Feminism Is Falling Out of Fashion
The Rise Of Young, Black Sex Negative Feminists
Feminists Have Turned on Pornography

As you can see the media are still clutching their 'sex-positivity' pearls...