You are very lucky to net be as mental unstable as I am My story: I fell in love with a girl. I was so freaking obsessed with her, I had been checking for three hours a day on Internet forums if someone wrote about "the cute guy in the bus". Bud sadly, I saw her cuddling together with her boyfriend. I felt into a huge depression, I literally felt nothing. It took me one year to get out of this shit. Then, the next year (2015), I developed an OCD: I became politically/... interested, and always as I heard an other opinion than mine, I couldn't get off this thought, and it only ended if I got to a solution which satisfied me. This was me 24/7, honestly. But I could get rid of this thinking. Now, I asked a girl out (1 month ago), who was in my class one year ago. I wanted to ask her out now because I had OCD/depressions, so it was practically impossible to me. But as I've found out, she lied to me: She said she already has a bf, but nope, she lied. Now, I got an OCD once again, it is about "paranoia if I'm right on a topic or not". Like e.g. I read something 1 minute ago, and I get paranoia if "I have read it correctly". Or when I say "For NoFap, you need discipline", then I gotta doubt myself if I really need discipline and so on, I get really unsure about everything, even if it's so obvious as these examples! I don't know why, but I think I have a hormonal imbalance. I have heavy mood swings, sometimes I can cry out of nothing, sometimes I am alpha as hell. It's lasting nearly 3 years, my parents know nothing (they are depressed and have their problems). My friends cannot help me too, they are already bored of my problems. My problem is also that I have synesthesia, and when I think about these OCD thoughts now, I got such a bad smell in my nose, I can't even describe it, it's the smell of hell. What I want? Either to live in a peaceful utopia where everything is just love, sunset and again love or either to be as "tough" as Elliott Hulse. I hate it, you are so lucky to just chill and do nothing. I don't want to live in such a way anymore, I have enough of it.
Sorry to hear about these things @Pluto . It sounds like what youre dealing with goes beyond what we on an internet forum can help with, but i want to reassure you that everyone here is on your side and wants the best for you. Have you sought any medical help? It honestly sounds like speaking to a therapist or a doctor would be for the best. It's also worth saying that whether you believe it or not, you're a valuable person and the world is a better place for you. Comparing yourself to others isn't gonna help matters, and you don't know what others are dealing with as well. Having the mindset that we're all fine and you're not isn't accurate, and it's not gonna help you feel better. Hang on in there, and use this space to vent as you need to.
It's hell. Purely, the urge to rethink your opinion if it's whether right or wrong is really huge, far more than the urge to fap. I just want it to stop man. I want to be a "normal" human being, no one rethinks all the time if (s)he has closed the door/if discipline is needed for NoFap/... You see these are really obvious things where no one really thinks about, but I care. Hard to explain, but nothing good. It's like "a little demon" inside you tells you "But how can you be sure if you closed the door/if discipline is needed for NoFap? Where's your evidence?!?" I...need....help, it is hard for me to write in a normal way now because i really would like to just "scream" through the internet. It really drives me into....Gosh I don't know, I want to live, thats my problem. Should I tell my parents about my problems? They are depressed, they're like "I have bigger problems" "I can't help you, cuz I can't help me", ....
I would say weigh it, if you think speaking to your parents will relieve the problem for you in some way then it may be a good idea, but if you know that they're only going to speak negatively then in the end will that make you feel better or worse? It sounds like you put a lot of expectation on yourself to be a certain standard, is that fair to say? Again, to me it sounds like it would be really beneficial for you to find a counsellor or therapist to talk these issues out. It seems you've got a hell of a lot going on there, it might help to speak to someone who can work with you to untangle all the things that have got knotted up in your mind.
