Yo

Here's my story, I'm sure it's extremely common around here.

I've been with my gf, who recently became my fiance, for 6 and a half years. About six months into our relationship I left my private browsing tab open and she found it and flipped. It wasn't so much that I was looking at porn at all or the content of what I was looking at but the volume of it. I was PMO'ing every day at least once a day. She threatened to break up with me and we almost ended it there but we stuck together with me promising to never look at porn again. That lasted about 2-3 weeks, then I relapsed. Since then we've been in a cycle of me relapsing and her somehow finding out about it once or twice a year. I've never gone more than a few weeks without porn.

It's gotten to a point where I think it's killing my sex drive. The sex we do have is great but probably only happens about once a week and often less. I almost never initiate sex and when she does I rarely actually feel up for it at the start. Once we get going I get into it pretty quickly though and it's great.

Now that we're engaged I want to do it for real this time. After reading about nofap I feel like I've finally accepted the true negative impact that porn has had on my life and my relationship. I've conditioned myself to only seek out and respond sexually to stimuli that can't exist in the real world. I even think it might be hurting my overall motivation to be successful in the rest of my life. Before high speed internet porn a big motivating factor for me was "I need to do X, Y, and Z so that I seem like a good possible mate." Now that I've found a lifelong partner and I have porn, I no longer feel the need to actually try at my job or in social situations.

I've decided to go 90 days PM, after that if I get a good reset I'll start fapping again but no more porn at all. I guess I might be different from some people here in that I don't see fapping as a problem at all, at least not for me. It's normal and healthy! It's the porn that causes me to fap way too much and to be conditioned to having a sexual experience with new and novel stimuli every time.

I'm looking forward to the benefits this could bring to my life but I'm also extremely daunted with how hard this is going to be. I've made this challenge for myself before and never come close to 90 days. Fingers crossed. Here we go!