yo

Nice initiative this forum !

I'm 24, french and my screename is obviously a joke I don't fap to scato porn.
I'm going for 90 days without PMO. Giving up P is much easier for me than MO. I don't need visual support to masturbate. I tried to create the PMO tracker but not sure it worked. I hope it will help me because it's one thing to fail and live with it but it's another to fail and everybody knows.
Why quitting ?
When talking about it most people say "there's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself" The thing is I don't get pleasure from masturbation anymore. It feels a lot more like a need. A need to empty my balls. Maybe a physiological need. I have trouble falling asleep when I want to masturbate but forbid myself... I pride myself on living an addiction free life (no drugs, alcohol...) but this masturbation issue feels like an addiction since no matter how strong my will power I relapse way too much. After a relapse I feel depressed and have thoughts like "that was terrible" "what a waste of time" I feel deep frustration as well since for me masturbation is about fantasising about girls which means I'd much prefer to have sex instead. Ejaculation feels like a come back to reality "no girls here" and I feel sorry for myself. The positive effect is that I don't think about sex for the next 2/3 days. But after those 2/3 days it's like I forget masturbating doesn't give me pleasure.

 

10% yeaahhh !!! I had a terrible terrible night. I went to bed at 11-midnight but fell asleep at 3 maybe 4.
So I spend a few hours in my bed toss and turning thinking about sex, fighting my urge. Had I masturbated I would have slept like a baby. I hope this night made me stronger and improved my will power but I fear this is just the beginning of a long long 3 months.

 

Thanks for the video

When I think about sex I don't think about porn. I think about sex in a healthier way (previous gf, potential mates...) This night I was able to focus and keep my mind off of sex but it didn't help me fall alseep. I slept like 3 or 4 hours when I usualy sleep 12hours/day. How do I even stand up it's been 2 insomnia nights in a row. I look like Edward Norton in Fight Club. Maybe I should join a testicular cancer group instead of complaining.

 

It's 6am here and I just decided to get up I haven't slept all night. This shit isn't getting any better. Everyday all day long I'm tired, sleepy, I yawn and I'm eager to go to bed but when I finally do go to bed I don't feel sleepy anymore and just spend hours toss and turning. I'm now considering masturbating not because of my urges that I actually find a bit easier to control but because I want to fucking sleep again, I forgot what it's like.
I'm so desperate I'm considering going to my doctor LOL I'm pretty sure this wanker will just laugh and say "why would you forbid yourself to masturbate when it makes you insomniac ? Just go for it you will feel good and don't feel guilt !" And in the case he takes it seriously what can he do about it ? It's not like I'll start taking pills and replace an addiction with another one right ?
I haven't been exercising at all lately even tho it would help but again I'm so tired and sleepy that I can't motivate myself to make any kind of effort. Today I will try to force myself. What works best to better sleep ? Cardio or stength training ? If it doesn't work and say I'm still awake tonight at 3am I'll just end this and masturbate.
Quoting fight club again "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake" I understand this sentence much better now. This is torture.

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOM 2 weeks BITCHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I slept fine on the last 3 nights so things do get better ! To all of you insomniac people STAY STRONG !

 

Fail ! 21 days. Back to square one