Yo all

If your suicidal thoughts are acute and dangerous for you at this time, please call a suicide hotline - they can offer immediate assistance. Or, get in touch with some authoritative person in your life to help you.

The twenties and early thirties even are turbulent times – I remember them well, and I know what you mean when you say things can look bleak and depressing. There’s trying to establish your identity, building self-esteem, sexual conflicts, not yet established in any decent career or job yet, intimate relationships or lack thereof, living in a fantasy world and not in real life, old friends drifting away, not as many new friends, plus various and sundry inner conflicts and baggage that we’ve brought into adulthood from childhood. I remember, too, having suicidal thoughts in the darkest of times and having self-hate. But, then it dawned on me one day that it really wasn’t I whom I hated, it was the circumstances of my life. I did not really want to die as a person – I wanted my pain to die, my problems to die, my conflicts to die. For if all these things were gone, I would actually not want to commit suicide at all, correct? I would want to live. Hence, a suicidal wish is really the other side of the same coin of just wanting to live, to be happy, and to be free of oppression. Therefore, if all your amazing thoughts and energies can go into such suicidal sadness, why not take a chance on life then and turn all that creative energy into the following once and for all: 1) dying to any activity in your life that is damaging to you (if you’re religious, this means turning to God as well – or something to truly consider); 2) working on all your problems by building strategies; 3) getting support from others as on this site and/or a counselor and/or a friend or support person(s) - this may be different people to support you in different areas (not necessarily finding that one master guru to solve all your problems); 4) setting short-term attainable goals and long-term goals and journaling your life, goals, and progress; and 5) looking beyond the present moment and realizing that all of life won’t seem so bleak, especially if you are working on your life in the above ways, and knowing that you're not the only one who is feeling or who has felt this way – and if you do these things and other things that will suggest themselves at the right time, you will find your happiness and fulfillment in life. I did, and I was where you were, too.

 

Rozer:

I'm glad you're here. Welcome! Some thoughts:

1) I 100% agree with Joe: if you're thinking suicide, call a hotline. This is very serious. Don't mess around.
2) Don't be ashamed to be a virgin. There may be other things to feel bad about, but that's not one of them. If you give yourself away to the wrong person at the wrong time, you feel bad about that, too.
3) When I was your age, times were a lot better. The economy isn't great for guys your age; and when you're not doing well with your career, the whole world looks dark. That's what happens. It's not a reflection on you.
4) Being in love and having a break-up is pretty awful too.

So...the sum total of all that? You're having a "perfect storm" of bad events and feelings. Again, it's not YOU, it's bad s*** that's happening to you.

You said in your comment: "help me support me save me."

A lot of people here -- including me -- are ready to help and support you. That's what this site is all about. Look around. Take time to read what others have written. Talk to people. You'll feel support and find help.

But we won't "save" you. We'll do all we can, but what happens depends on YOU.

This is hard. A lot of us have found this fight to be the hardest we've ever faced in our lives. It's hard, but YOU CAN DO IT.

Give yourself a "kick in the butt" and buckle down to work. Learn all you can (at this site and others). Resolve yourself that you HATE AND DESPISE porn and masturbation (because of what it's done to you), and that you are giving them up. Never again. Make a plan for how you're going to conduct your life going forward, particularly with how you're going to choose other things in place of porn.

There's more to it, but this gives you an idea of what YOU must do.

We're here to help you every step of the way. Don't be afraid to ask questions.