Yet another sissy hypno victim.....possible triggers

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by tom1990, May 13, 2019.

  1. tom1990

    tom1990 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys


    So I relapsed the other day after being triggered by a “kinky” type dating app. I was at 29 days no PMO, and it was the first time I ever tried nofap.


    Some history:


    Straight, but always had a thing for androgynous (boyish) girls. Severely lack confidence with women, especially sexual, and my relationship history is pretty bare. In terms of porn, I went down what seems to be a common path with this – vanilla, to tranny, to sissy. Each of those was hotter to me than the previous one when I discovered it.


    I was probably watching sissy porn for 12-18 months, and had started to become concerned with how it genuinely seemed to affect the way I saw men/women in real life, not to mention how pleasurable it was to watch. It was like the CRACK COCAINE of porn – in terms of how good it felt, and how addictive it is. Straight porn had long not even been enjoyable for me anymore, then this came along and blew my mind. And then over time, the addictiveness/pleasurability increased.


    I decided to try nofap and I must say, for me it was reasonably straightforward compared to how some people have struggled on here.


    I relapsed a couple of days ago and I’ve have basically been bingeing ever since, with substantial disruption to my life. No sleep in 3 days (dopamine alert!!!), and watching the content (especially new videos) is producing waves of pleasure I hadn’t touched before. This outcome concerns me because it suggests my addiction is actually increasing despite the month “off”, and I’m a little stuck as to where to go from here. If and when I “level out” of this binge, I can try starting nofap again, but if I should fail again in future (and after even more time away) my relapse will probably be even more all-consuming. So part of me is wondering – does it make more sense to just “allow” myself to watch some of this stuff, say once a week, so I can get a “fix” as it were, but without the risk of going completely off the rails like in my current relapse. Has anyone ever tried this way of doing it? I know you’re going to advise total nofap, but do you see my concern about how bad a future relapse could be?


    That’s not to mention the identity crisis I’ve had following sissy porn, as everyone here seems to also have gone through – am I gay/trans? Etc. As I say, I always preferred boyish girls and a liking for tranny porn doesn’t exactly come about for no reason. I do wonder if there’s something to this that we try and deny on these forums? In insisting that we’re all straight. Clearly we’re VERY aroused by submission and female dominance, but can that explain the extent of our powerful sissy addiction? Especially when vanilla porn hasn’t ever produced anything like this for me……
     
  2. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    What you describe, managing your pmo sessions, is called kindling. It will only make your addiction worse. You will never manage to stick to your plans and even if you do, you'll edge so much that the frequency just won't matter. There simply is no way of managing an addiction. Addiction involves a number of chemicals in your brain such as delta fos B that will always, always, feed the addiction and make things much worse, even if you take a little peek. You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat...
    Secondly, you are 100% desensitized. These gay and sissy fantasies are commonly seen in the longer term porn addicts. This doesn't mean you are gay necessarily, but your brain can get a massive kick out of it either way, and the anxiety involved can flare up arousal in a way that straight porn may not. This is all because of novelty craving and associations your brain makes when it sees porn. Sure, you could be bi or gay, but if you loathe yourself the minute you climax, you probably aren't gay or bi in denial.

    I was like you, I eventually developed a fetish for black men in porn. I went so obsessive over the whole gay thing that I actually dated men on a quest for 'truth.' As it turned out I could only get a boner around other men when I'd imagine myself as a female porn star, and almost vomited the minute I had a real penis in my mouth. The next day, however, again, I would fantasize about gay sex. This is how porn works man. It's never proof of sexual identity or whatever, it just feeds this novelty craving in your brain, which is exactly why vanilla won't do it anymore after x amount of time. I have a friend who I've always assumed is straight, but confessed that he is into shemale as well. As are thousands of others. And if it's not shemale stuff it will be gay or sissy stuff, as long as the pleasure centers in the brain can fend off the dopamine tolerance issues. These neurotransmitters are very potent, harmful in large quantities and can actual destroy neurons. It simply is an arousal addiction, dopamine and adrenalin are very very close in chemical structure, and we all know what drives adrenalin: fear. According to various scientific sources, the part of your brain that processes porn is also involved in feelings of fear, anger, shame, sadness, guilt. It is absolutely no coincidence that porn has this connection to negative emotions. Why? Because it's evil bro.

    Dr. Judith Reisman was the first to call pornographic content an erototoxin. Porn completely bypasses the neocortex in your brain, even shuts it off. Porn travels through your eyes, right to the core of your brain, completely overriding volitional control. This means that you have no say over porn and it will simply do to you as it wants. If you have these gay fantasies and feel bad about it when you're done, know that it's a primal, animalistic instinct that is driving sexual desires and curiosity in your fantasies. Gary Wilson wrote a good article about all of this called Can You Trust Your Johnson? It's definitely worth looking it up, as it explains all of it. Basically, if you started off fapping to women only and can't imagine yourself being in a relationship with another man or kissing another man, you're just another one of porn's countless victims. Remember that. Porn happens to you. You have no control over it and never will. Therefore there is no managing it. These dark energies involved in porn, they like to twist and flip things, they like to see you doubt and obsess over your sexual orientation. All of this negativity, who do you think is driving it? God or the devil? These fetishes are far from holy. There's only one way out of this mess and it's total abstinence. God's Commandments aren't there for our amusement. People have lost the faith by the millions, but sooner or later every addict will cry out to God for help. It's just soul-destroying man. Porn is soul-destroying. Sexual purification is the only thing that over time will bring you real happiness. Porn only drives pleasure and happiness and pleasure cannot coexist, at least not long term. It's all serotonin vs dopamine so to speak, and the porn addict will lose their serotonin in favor of dopamine, ultimately landing them in a state of depression or some other psychiatric condition. The addict will even show signs of grey matter loss in the brain's frontal lobes. It is that bad. Never underestimate porn again. Our nervous systems aren't properly equiped to handle it. Think about this next time you feel that scratch to surf to your favorite website and you'll find that there's a way of controlling your own desires. You are stronger than you think you are. This is light versus darkness and it's up to you to choose what side you want to be on. Just don't let these fetishes get the better of you...
     
  3. Blackjedireturns

    Blackjedireturns Fapstronaut

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    Wow bro so well said your knowledge on this topic is absolutely inspiring and I it's just making it more easier not to go back and watch this stuff it just pure evil. I hope your doing well and have grown from your addiction let's grow stronger togather guys
     

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