Yet another life challenge

Hi everyone,

I am 36, male, and I am really glad to be here.

It is my first post in this forum, but I am not really new to addiction and recovery. About a fortnight ago I celebrated my 7th sober year from alcohol addiction, which I achieved mostly with the help of the AA fellowship and the 12-step program. I was also a heavy cigarette smoker, but quit more than 4 and a half years ago.

With me it is that once I quit one addiction I get hooked up into something else. Although it is not really the case with porn and masturbation, because I was on these “drugs” since I was 12-13, which was even before I ever had a go at booze and cigarettes. It is just that after I quit the other two, PM turned into my major addiction. I see it developing just like the other substance related addictions I’ve been through – I can get off PM for a short while, only to come back to it with more intensity, and each time feeling it more and more difficult to get off it.

I am aware that I am not really using PM for fun anymore, but mostly as a stress relief and because of the urge which is the same as with alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. In the last couple of years I had several cases of ED when having sex with my “sort of” girlfriend, but what is more disturbing is that I am fully aware that I actually prefer being on PM rather than having real sex with a real partner. I am pretty sure my PMO addiction plays a part in this, so I am really willing to give it a try to get over this.

A bit of a problem for me is that I live in Bulgaria, and my country (as well as most of the Eastern Europe) is a bit behind in terms of social awareness, recovery from addiction, support groups, etc. There aren’t any live groups/meetings for porn, sex, and love addictions, so I will have to rely on this forum for support and advice.

I read some of the information on the forum and the site, both of which were very useful. I decided to go for a 1-month PMO challenge, and later increase it to 3 months if I get through the first one. Not really sure if I can use this section of the forum to start my challenge, or I should join in the already posted challenges in the other sections. Anyway, I am pretty much through my first week of rebooting as I started the challenge last Monday morning. I am not sure I ever had 1 full month of PMO withdrawal, so I am already feeling a bit anxious both physically and emotionally. Actually Friday was the hardest day, because the reward system in my brain is already fucked up, so I am used at rewarding myself for the “job well done” week with loads of porn on masturbation on Fridays. I am not living together with my “sort of” girlfriend, and we are used for long periods without having sex, so I believe she will support me in what I am doing. It is really important for me to go through hard mode reboot, because I feel that all kinds of orgasm (except for maybe wet dreams) are resetting my counter. In the past my acting out included also going to hookers and strippers, or engaging in sexual contacts with many different women, but thankfully my urge for these “side effects” subsided once I got sober from alcohol.

This is pretty much my story, I am glad I can share it with you. Thanks for your support and for being here.

P.S. I am not using my real name for my profile, but I like the anonymity these types of forums give users.