Yesterday diary (retouched)

Hi, i don't know What to do. I've got anxiety. I am bored in some way. I want to do something but, what that's means? What that action means? Now I'm going to have a half an hour to think about my porpouse in life(certainly I did not complete this time). I just want to do something pleasurable. Maybe I can tolerate this anxiety. I remembered what happened in a group the last Monday. How does she (the coordinator) make many people to support her, but a new member supported me. The coordinator took the place of a victim and as the same time chased me saying we were talking while it was the time of my service. Some boys didn't say nothing (one of them is an object of my addiction). I hate them but chose to forgive because I want to be forgiven. No one wins. My Lord let me forgive this offense. I just want to leave the group once again. I left the group that night because of my dignity.
Thank you!