Would finding a girl who’s okay with my fetishes help me?

From a woman's perspective:
My response is determined by how long you've been sober and in recovery. If you have not been sober and in recovery for 1y+, I would say you need to wait until you have. No woman wants a guy trying to recreate his addiction or his addiction-caused desires onto her. So you need time to actually find out if these are things you genuinely enjoy or if it's just what you've conditioned yourself to be aroused with by the super-charged dopamine machine. I can promise that if it's just a porn thing for you, doing it in person is more likely going to be disappointing and what woman on earth wants her partner to find out mid-intimacy that his favorite thing is disappointing with her? Or that he's excited because he's remembering the dozens of other people he's used to get off in the past? Do you see what I mean?

If you've been sober and actively working recovery for more than a year and still feel an attraction to these specific things, I think most women who are interested in you would want to work with you to fulfill your desires in your mutual sexual roadmaps.

Putting their feet right on you in the middle suddenly is a shock factor for sure, and most women will immediately associate that with a porn fetish/addiction possibility, which is off-putting. But if you both talk beforehand about what you enjoy and what you'd like to do to each other and build that anticipation, SO THAT IT DOESN'T SURPRISE HER, probably any woman would be elated to hear instead that you love her (insert physical attributes here) so much that you can't keep your hands off of them. Now will they want to do these things EVERY TIME you engage? No. So you need to fix the PIED problem first anyway.

Overall, fix the PIED through a long stretch of recovery and sobriety before engaging with a woman and setting both of you up for disappointment and embarrassment. Give yourself time to decrease your chemical dependence on these specific stimuli. You likely won't even feel like you need these things once you do and you'll have a lot less anxiety and a lot more fun and be much less likely to devastate a partner if they later find out that you needed their feet because just them being themselves couldn't compete with the porn dependence still hanging around.

 

Maybe in the very rare case where the girl has these exact same fetishes and really finds doing them satisfying.

But realistically speaking, girls that are okay with fetishes will find them fun in the beginning but once the novelty wears off and they realise you can't get turned on without them the whole fetish thing becomes a chore. Your inability to have normal sex will also leave them unsatisfied.

That's my own personal experience at least.

 

This for sure. It can't be everything. If you need it every time, that's you engaging with the fetish, not you engaging with your girl and having fun, exploratory sex that sometimes includes both partners' unique ways of being weird and embracing the weirdness.

 

Like, for real, porn-watcher or not, we all have our distinct things that rev our engines more than average. Once you are sober and in recovery, the fetishes you need are way more likely to turn into just your occasional "holy shit that's amazing" experiences than something you can't get off without. Aim to get to that point.

 

Sounds like you've waited this long anyways. One more year is not a huge stretch of time in the context of life and if it means that you are spending that time getting deeply into recovery so that when you DO have sex, it's fulfilling and satisfying for both of you, then the wait is worth it.

To your other post after, yes, it will absolutely always feel like a chore if you're so dependent on it that the rest of your sex life is no fun. No woman wants to be your fetish masturbation tool, which is what you're making her if she has to sit there and have your fetish acted out on her EVERY time for you to be interested.

 

Yes I would say so if the fetish is the only way to really get you turned on and if it hampers your ability to enjoy normal sex.

 

I wouldn't stress over your experience. What wasn't learnt in your 20s can be picked up in half a dozen encounters. Inexperience is only a red flag if you stress about it. You want to give off a "vibe" of playful and excited. There's always awkward moments so be ready to laugh those off too!

Most women love a foot massage. Not the porn-style worship and foot job stuff necessarily, but a good relaxing foot massage with eye contact and conversation. 9 times out of 10 they'll love that.

Offer the foot massage early in the foreplay stages before either of you are undressed. This will relax both of you.

She will enjoy being around a man who isn't there for a quick hit. And you will start to build up energy downstairs by exploring your foot fetish without the pressure to perform because the clothes are still on.

And I wouldn't wait a year either. Rewiring your brain to women requires connection with actual women.

 

Like pied says you have ed cause of fapping or fucking too much. You dont need a girl you need to abstain from indulging in sexual activities so your dick can heal and the dopamine receptors in your brain reboot and the dick will get hard from normal stuff again.

 

If you had these fetishes before P then its fine. If you have developed these fetishes as a result of P then thats more of a problem. Since you have PIED your brain and body is telling you that you aren't ready for sex.

Once your PIED and P induced fetishes disappear then i would look at where your true sexual desires lie. For a lot of addicts their fetishes may disappear altogether.