Would a girl really want a guy that used to look at porn?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by zxcv, Aug 9, 2017.

  1. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    I don't know, I'm 29, never had a girlfriend. I'm still stuck at a job where I'm pushing carts. I almost have my batchlors in computer science and looking for a job in programming. But I really don't see any reason a girl would want a guy like me, especially with the porn thing.
     
  2. This is my opinion but if you've beaten the addiction and you get with a girl, I don't really see why you need to tell her as long as you've beaten it. For many of us, this will be a dark chapter that we probably won't discuss much if any with future SOs.
     
  3. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    Yes a girl would want to be with a guy who overcame his addiction, since most guys won't even admit their porn addicts.
     
  4. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    I can think of two categories of people where this would come out positively: 1) Women who look at porn themselves; 2) Women who appreciate the fact that you recognized something that was a problem for yourself and changed it.
     
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  5. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Some couples watch porn together.
     
  6. Dayanew

    Dayanew Fapstronaut

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    In this day and age, it would be almost impossible to find a guy that didn't look at porn at some point in his life. I know that there are females out there who are unaware of porn addiction, the perils and prevalence of it in society today and the extreme challenges in avoiding it. The girls you tell that respond with anything other than respect, understanding and a desire to learn about something that had a real impact on your life, don't deserve you or your time. Any mature, compassionate, caring female is going to want to know everything that makes you the man you are today, the good and the bad. She will be proud of you for overcoming your addiction. She will be supportive and understanding in why you aren't comfortable with certain things. And she will feel honored that you shared such a personal thing with her. Sharing your addiction history can only strengthen the bond with a good woman. You may see yourself this way...

    And wonder if or why a girl would ever want you especially given your porn addiction. But as a female, what I see when reading this post is this;
    You are a 29 year old man with a steady, stable job. You have goals in life and an actual game plan for obtaining them and that is why you are continuing your education and actively pursuing your degree. You have had struggles in your personal life but were brave enough to admit them to yourself and fight to overcome them and make yourself a better person.
    These are all admirable qualities that women look for in a man. Don't sell yourself short. The only thing holding you back is your lack of confidence. Once you realize your own quality and worth, you'll attract a quality woman worthy of you. ;)
     
  7. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Your lack of self worth makes you unattractive before anything else.
     
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  8. Death Mammal

    Death Mammal Fapstronaut

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    Everything Dayanew said, I 100% completely agree with. But here's the real kicker. I can't imagine you getting with a girl so clueless about society as to think guys as a general norm don't look at porn. That's absurd. Furthermore, the fact you kicked the habit as a single young man is honest-to-God impressive. That decision to me screams monogamy and a good partner. Coupled with the fact you're supporting yourself and going through school. I mean, jeez. Keeper much? Assuming you're nice and a good communicator and whatnot. Don't be so down on yourself. You have a story to be proud of.
     
  9. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    I know, but I'm looking for the good Christian girl that's waiting till marriage type of girl. That kinda makes things harder. But yeah, I am the type of guy that's looking for someone that I can marry and be with the rest of my life.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  10. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    You don't any Christian girls have ever watched porn? Good luck man.
     
  11. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Geez I've watched porn, had sex and I'm not even married. I must be Satan to you. I also finance a college scholarship and volunteer at a hospital. I'll have to find my horns.
     
    LivinginRecovery likes this.
  12. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    I'm just saying that's what I want for my life. I'm not making a comment on yours.
     
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  13. Death Mammal

    Death Mammal Fapstronaut

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    It's terribly presumptuous to suggest I'm not of faith, or that the quality of a Christian female automatically makes them close minded to personal hardship. Furthermore, a good woman would admire your dedication and resilience in overcoming this affliction.
     
    Potato93 likes this.
  14. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    I wasn't suggesting that. I was just stating what I'm looking for in a girl.
     
  15. Agoodguy

    Agoodguy Fapstronaut

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    You're not a bad person. You just made a few mistakes just like everyone else.
     
  16. Death Mammal

    Death Mammal Fapstronaut

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    All I'm saying is that what you're looking for exists.
     
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  17. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    She does not want a guy that is now hooked on porn.
    She will have trouble finding a guy who never watched porn, and,if she finds one, who knows what he could react if he discovers P in the future.
    A guy who found it, but was man enough to leave it should be the most attractive.
    Get off P, get it together, and enjoy the results! There is far more joy in real life than on any screen.

    I would also recommend rereading @Dayanew's post a few times.
     
  18. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    Really, it seems like the depression and loneliness are harder to deal with than the nofap part for me.

    I have, it was really good.
     
  19. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    Enjoy the changes in your depression as you get farther from PMO.
    We all have other issues to work on, but constant PMO'ing keeps us frustrated and depressed. As you feel changes here, you can be encouraged to work on other areas, exercise, studies, socializing,...
    You can do this.
     
  20. Dayanew

    Dayanew Fapstronaut

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    Since a religious girl is important to you then I would definitely recommend regularly attending church, becoming an active member and learning about or joining any groups/meetings they have. Many have care groups, accountability groups, singles mixers, etc etc. If religion and faith are an important aspect to you in a relationship then you should prioritize and utilize it in your daily life. It is a great way to meet people if nothing else. Porn addiction is a huge problem in marriages, especially marriages that place such a large emphasis on their religions. Therefore, it is something that is commonly discussed in care groups, couples groups, etc. Many people in church are there after something in their life made them ashamed, unhappy, so on and so forth and they decided to change their lives by incorporating religion into it. Therefore, you would mostly meet only open minded people that will sympathize with your struggles, admire you for working hard to overcome them and be more than happy to introduce you to people that they think could positively impact your life.

    Btw, I am not religious, do not believe in or practice any one particular religion. I am not nor have I ever been a member of any religious organization. I only speak from years studying the sociology and anthropology of numerous religions. I also somehow manage to maintain numerous friendships with devoutly christian women and know the inner workings of church groups courtesy of them. Normally, I would not bring up religion in any context while conversing with a stranger as it's a touchy subject, but since you mentioned the importance you place on a female with faith, I felt safe to comment.
     
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