"Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need."

"Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need." - Voltaire, Candide, 1759

This is a rather important quote for me as it summarizes the danger of my current lifestyle. The lifestyle is a financially independent single male travelling the world. Yeah, this is where all sympathy for me drops from anyone I am interacting with. Well, except for other long-term travellers who understand the need to maintain a surprisingly disciplined lifestyle or suffer the consequences.

This lifestyle leaves me open to all sorts of unhealthy possible choices, most of which I have managed to control. Weight, exercise, alcohol, and sexual compulsions are the toughest to manage for me. The first three I have managed to control through discipline but the third, sexual compulsion or more specifically porn addiction has got away on me.

Yesterday morning I woke up to an erotic dream, which I found myself masturbating to climax before getting out of bed. Next coffee and on the computer to check Facebook, finances, email, etc. After a while, I found myself on a porn site for a couple hours and another masturbation session. Then some writing and editing for a couple hours before returning to porn for another couple hours and another masturbation session. In the lull afterwards, I managed to leave my place to get dinner and see the sites. Returning in the early evening for another extended porn session/ masturbation session. A typical day which I have somehow found myself repeating day after day.

So many things harmful in this routine. For one, the ever-increasing need for more extreme sexual stimulation is getting out of control. When I do find myself in a real-life sexual encounter, I find myself seeking ever-increasing modes of sexual stimulation or have no desire at all. This, to say the least, is potentially extremely dangerous to one who travels the world with financial means.

About a year ago I received an email and organized a meeting with an old girlfriend. We met in Paris and the sex was utterly unsatisfying. Not for lack of trying, six times in one night with no orgasm on my part. Perhaps she was satisfied but I was devastated. I think this was what has inhibited me from seeking a real-life partner over the past year.

Another problem is I’ve found myself lacking in creativity and motivation when not related to sex. Very bad for someone with a lot of time on their hands! All the other symptoms listed on the site are there too. You can imagine my surprise to see that a group out there has taken this seriously and maybe I can bring it under control.

 

Thank you Septimus for this. I already know boredom is my trigger, it always has been. I dispise Sundays.

Make a plan, that is a very good idea.

Egads, this is going to be um, interesting...