Wondering What I Should Do (23 Y.O. Virgin)

For certain. Basically, I was addicted to pmo for 28 years. There were not many days in that time when I had even one clean day.

 

Inasmuch as I hate to hear that, I also think that's cause for joy. That means while your sex life was underwhelming, there's still a lot of room for improvement. That's why I'm saying it's better not to spread the idea that sex is "severely underwhelming"

 

It's just an opinion. It's not that great. I think long reboots killed my brain's ability to get that mental euphoria from sex-induced dopamine.

I mean, you can always chase girls if you want. But before you do, it would be wise to ask yourself how much of a time/money investment you want to make in a 5 minute sensation?

 

I got married when I was about your age. I'll spare you the story about how I met my wife

That was over a decade ago. What I will say though, is that I hear a couple of things in your post: 1) How to self-comfort until that time comes and 2) How will you actually know when that time comes

First, a word on marriage based on my experience and conversation with others. Marriage is work, being young and married is a lot of work. You will most likely meet one of two types of women who want to get married:

1. One who wants to marry into some sort of "structure" or is expecting you to be established quickly into the marriage. This means for example they may want you to already have a nice house, car, etc. (or get it soon after marriage) and expect you both to start a family.

2. One who doesn't mind building the structure with you, or wants to be involved in the process of you both planning out your lives together. Think "young and struggling with you", and you'll get the idea.

Now, I'm not implying one type is better than the other, and the same woman could change perspectives based on her own life experiences. Each marital situation described above has it's pros and cons. But, you can probably imagine the problems that may arise in a marriage if you happen to choose a woman (who also chooses you) and your situation is not aligned with her expectations. A wise man once said communication can save a nation. The point I'm making here is decide what type of woman you want, and then you will know more about yourself, which is of invaluable worth. As a side bonus, you will know if you are on the "near" side of a relationship or the "far" side.

Nonsense. Stop looking back. Windshields are bigger than rearview mirrors for a reason. Once you stop looking back, you will realize that the type of woman you want will be there when you are ready. Do you like smart, self-motivated women? Well I've got news for you: When you're ready to search for a wife (more on this next), there will be plenty of them to talk to. Do you like young and attractive women? Guess what? Yep, in 10 (or 15) years there will be plenty of young and attractive women for you to talk to. And, you will likely have much more money than you do now :cheers:

Also, I would stop this "waiting" mentality as well. You've got options. You know your situation pretty well. If you're not in debt, then you're in a really good place in life. You mentioned that you struggle with loneliness. There's nothing wrong with dating for fun. Be real with whoever you date that you don't have a car or apartment, and you're not looking to have sex or get married right now. That will filter 99% of b.s. out of your dating life right there. Maybe you'll find some women (yes, plural) who are cool with that, maybe you won't. But if you don't try you'll never know. Society and the individual puts a lot of pressure on dating when it doesn't have to be that way. Personally I'd at least recommend a job to pay for the dates though :lol: :shrug: Going on some no pressure dates may help with the loneliness, and if they go terrible then be glad you're not married to her~ Also be sure not to put yourself into any....sticky situations, like alone with a girl in a quite, private place... If you want to wait until marriage that is a recipe for disaster, and can also make you look like a liar. Sex complicates things.

Perhaps a tad more confident to get out there and date, but trust me if you're a gentleman on the date then you probably won't be the worst date she's had, even if you don't have a car. Before we dated, my wife actually admired that I caught the bus, because she saw that as a sign of independence.

Patience? Well, again, instead of merely "waiting" for a spouse to come along, start planning out how you want married life to look for you. Sex is a very, very, very awesome small part of marriage. Oh it can definitely be awesome, but you will spend way more time doing all the other things married couples do, so what I'm getting at is it's great to wait until marriage, but don't build up marriage as just an outlet for your sex urges, because you will be disappointed. If, on the other hand, you start drafting out a vision for your life with your future partner, you will inevitably start to set goals to get yourself from where you are now to where you should be when you decide to search for a wife, and so on and so on.

You're on the right track. Show yourself some grace, stay patient, keep planning, I hope to hear a great testimony from you.

 

I guess you changed your mind then from your original comment, since that didn't come across as an opinion.

In any case, you didn't have "long reboots" (plural) beforehand. At least, based on what you said earlier, you only had one. That's not that much to go one. Could be a hasty generalization.

But yeah, I agree you shouldn't go off trying to hook up with women but rather should look for a wife

 

I have rebooted three times; 97, 233 and 194 days all on hard mode.

 

Yes, you said that. But by 2019, you had only reached 97, correct?

 

It was my first full reboot. Before that I did a 16 day for the first time. I'd never heard of NoFap before 2018.

 

So how, if at all, is that enough to judge sex to be "severely underwhelming"? Seems pretty hasty don't you think?

 

Hasty? What kind of experience do you think I've had?

 

I think you've had the experience you told me about.

Most people don't describe sex as severely underwhelming. Yet based on your extremely limited experience: two flings after a single 97 day reboot, you're telling the OP he will indeed be extremely underwhelmed.

 

It's an opinion. Is it ok if I have an opinion? This is a forum, right?

Sex is not so great for a few reasons. The orgasm is short-lived, and longer rebooters like me will find the dopamine rush to be very weak, or non-existent. Another consideration that makes sex underwhelming is the cost to benefit ratio. The benefit of the orgasm is 5-10 minutes of euphoria. How much is that worth? How much time and effort should be spent to obtain that? Is it worth risking AIDS or pregnancy?

I can never say YES to all of these, without reservations.

 

The problems there are solved or mitigated within marriage. Why weren't you aiming for that in the first place?

 

I was married.

 

And then what?
'If at first you don't succeed,
never try again'?

 

Are you asking if I want to get remarried?
I could think about it, since
you are a handsome guy! jk

 

I think it would be better if you concentrate in getting rid of PMO forever, before entering a relationship.
Here's why: PMO lowers you will power, hurts your self-confidence and willingness to give your best in some profession.
Everything should get into their right place, once you are set free from this evil habit.
I know what I'm talking about. Being almost 18 years enslaved to this evil practice have made me deal with the problems you're dealing now for way more time than I could have predicted. Finally, this clicked in my head recently, and I know what I must do to regain control over myself and my life.
Wish you success, with God's help.

 

From what I understand, usually sex the first few times isn't that great on long streaks, with the reasoning being that your brain's reward circuitry has been dormant for so long. It takes a little while to get back to that level of excitation, especially if the last sexual activity of yours was hardcore porn 90-something days ago.

 

I didn't have sex during a reboot.