Wondering Eyes. How To Stop..

Some tips and techniques I have learned along my recovery journey for this are:

1. Learning to recognise the difference between a 'glance', and a 'look'. From what you say, it is the looking that is the thing you wish to avoid. It's pretty natural for us to glance and be aware of our surroundings, but we don't need to take longer looks at women in certain attire.

2. The 3 second rule. Ties in with the above technique really. It's useful to help you moderate yourself. Over time, you can try to reduce it to 2 seconds, 1 second, a nanosecond etc.

It's really helped me because I accept now that anything over 3 seconds is me gawping, and firing off old neural pathways that drive me back to PMO

 

I would really caution using the 3 second logic, because you'll be timing yourself, saying that anything up to 3 seconds is okay. Byt really, no amount is okay. I don't know who decided that three seconds is okay, but three and a half is too much time to be lusting after an attractive person. Try praying for them. They're people, just like you are. Maybe you're lusting after a woman who was raped recently and finally decided to go out in public and is absolutely terrified that anyone, man or woman, is noticing her in any way, good or bad. Maybe the woman you're trying to limit yourself to lusting after for only three seconds just watched her child die at the hands of a murdering, rapist, ex-lover and is trying to find some joy anywhere in life. Everyone has issued they're dealing with, whether they're visible to the rest of us or not. Try thinking of them as people with their own lives, hopes, fears, and dreams. Realize that literally NONE of them dream of being lusted after by addicts like us.

 

I been doin same thing it takes a lot of restraint to like glance n not look every time I see A good looking girl I gotta tell myself to just not look her way cause then it leads to crazy urges for me

 

Heya I'm new on here

I have had this for more than 2 years now I get horrendous cravings to look. I have researched this and keep finding that staring OCD is very connected to it, does anyone else get urges to look at genitalia and limbs? I do.

It's appalling because when I release the craving to glance I get scowls and people avoid me, so I'm caught out both ways to try and resist which is burning but feel better to release and still get burnt.

 

@Joe1023

Are you suggesting you will never look at another human ever again?

We have to look at people, it's an innate survival instinct bro. A glance or look at another person doesn't mean one is thinking about them sexually or lusting after them, though perhaps when one has a tendency to look, stare or fixate, it certainly sets a chain reaction off for those of us with a sexual / obsessive mind. And sure, you can reduce it to 1 second or less if it feels more appropriate for you - I was throwing the 3 second rule out as a useful starting point on which to build, and move away from staring, and potentially starting that arousal or fantasy cycle.

 

You don't honestly think I was suggesting that anyone never look at another human being again. Its fine to look at people obviously. But when I said what I said about looking at people, I'm talking about looking at them with lust. I'm saying that to suggest that it is acceptable to lust after someone for three seconds (or any amount of time) is not okay to do. This is not a nicotine addiction, so our bodies will not go through any kind of risk to health if we stop cold turkey. That being the case, in my opinion, lust addicts ABSOLUTELY need to stop cold turkey, no exceptions. Otherwise, hope for recovery is pretty slim, if not gone completely. I don't think anyone who allows themselves three seconds to lust will ever cut it down, let alone get rid of it completely. No one is going to start a timer when they see someone attractive and then lust after them, but at three seconds, decide its time to stop because they've lusted for an acceptable amount of time but that any more time spent lusting would be inappropriate.

 

I feel the same way you do and I hate that I'm this way. I don't remember always being like this. I'm early in my recovery journey but I want to believe that those desires will go away to an extent. My logic is that I know I've conditioned my brain to see attractive women online and immediately going into binge mode trying to see more of them. I feel this is my same reaction in real life and my brain is just so use to sexualizing women. I think that normally giving a quick glance/look at a woman and acknowledging in that moment that they're attractive is fine. The problem comes when you mentally obsess and it takes over your mind. Now I tend to not look, and just try to be mindful of the situation. For example if I'm at a concert I'll think something along the lines of "I'm here to enjoy the music/food/moments with friends etc."