I think this is the main question here: why do we relapse? Yesterday, I was about to achieve six days of no-PMO. I was happy, energized, and for the first time in months I could lift my head up high and feel at ease with myself. Lately my streaks ranged from 0 to 7 days, so I was having a bad time. This occasion, however, was different and I really felt good, sleeping was not so hard as it was for me in past streaks (withdrawal symptoms causing imsomnia), but still I just "entered" an addict mindset, and before I realized it I was watching Hentai again. I felt remorseful throughout most of the session and I thought I threw six days to the trash bin again. This is just so complicated! Everything is doing fine, university, friends, etc. but still I can't stand something, I still need to fap for some reason. Maybe it is because I feel exhausted and stressed out, and NoFap "gives me a break"... but this can't be the real reason, because as I always discover... Fapping doesn't solve anything and only makes me more anxious, more stressful, less social. Why do we still fall? Why do we forget this and fall? It had only been six days since I last said to myself "this is BS" but magically all of that disappears like it were a memory from a long time ago. Is it because we who fail do not stick to habit or can't be disciplined for a long time? I'm thinking that maybe this is the case for me. I do not have the strenght to subdue my sexual impulses and use that energy for other motives, I'm still trapped in a loop. I see those who can "transmute" their energy, meditate to calm down or simply not masturbate, and I see myself miles away from them. How do you get the energy to meditate, the mental power to avoid instant pleasure? Especially on stressful days. I lack the willpower I had back then. I lack the decision-making to just stop a habit and embrace better ones... I may seem skeptical, but I'm really not, I trust in NoFap, I experienced it's effects and it's really life-changing. It's just that I don't have the courage to take the leap of faith and change my habits once and for all, to stop binging the Internet, to start reading, meditating daily, to help more around the house and go outside. This is what I really mean when I say I'm trapped, I'm trapped in a cycle of habits I can't break. NoFap is crucial but it alone won't solve the rest, I need something else to give me a push in the back, some great motivator. What helped you start new habits, replacing older ones, and then sticking to them? Thanks for reading.
Night: Rebooting is a different process for everyone. What I've personally come to understand is that 1) I had to be mentally ready, and 2) some days are easy, some difficult. By "mentally ready", I mean being in a place in my life where I am more confident in myself, but not arrogant, having integrity, not hypocrisy, and have looked deeply and being willing to look deeper into the root causes of acting out. To be honest, I started rebooting YEARS ago, but my longest no PMO run was 20 days. I settled into a mindset that justified fapping, accepted the associated shame and pain as part of life. And then, my father passed away. I spent the last 10 days of his life with him, at his bedside, just sitting with him, being present with myself. I came to realize he was more man than I gave him credit for. He faced death with strength and resolve. I was lucid to the moment he passed, and I have no doubt he knew when he took his last breathe. Though not conscious of the effect, I must have drawn strength from him, because shortly after he passed, I came to the decision I needed to stop PMO. I found this site, check in regularly, meditate, exercise, and try to live more confidently through my experience with my father. One of the biggest things I've realized in the last 41 days is that fapping is a habit. Going PMO free allowed me to see there was no sexual energy behind the act, even though I justified my behavior on the basis of needing a sexual outlet. When there is no sexual need, then I wondered why I fapped? What was under this habit and if I changed the habit, got rid of it, what would be left? Now, habits are difficult to change; I know this from two, mundane experiences: 1) tying my shoes and 2) flossing my teeth. For 50 years, I tied my shoes one way. It took me four weeks to teach myself to tie my shoes a different way. The first few days the process was painstakingly physical; I had to think through each movement of my fingers. Now, I can tie my shoes, without thought, either way, AND I can choose which way to use! I'll admit changing the second habit was more hit and miss; I still hate flossing my teeth at night! But I floss more regularly at night than I use to, and my dental hygienist is proud of my (not to mention cute ;-) ). The end result of my flossing habit is basically the same; I can choose to floss or not. So, no sexual basis plus a recognized habit mixed in with the realization I can change = I'm in the process of rebooting and on the road of recovery. Of the many bitches I have about this new track in life is knowing that once an addict, always an addict, bringing me full circle to some days are easy, some not. And this will always be the case for us. I keep wondering if the number of easy days will come more frequently, and tough ones less. Then I simply turn to gratitude and be thankful I have a choice and a new set of habits to choose from. Good luck. And thanks for letting me ramble. Peace
I think you just have to know what you want to get out of NOFAP. In other words, start a long list of all the harmful things that FAP give you and all the benefits that NOFAP is going to give you. Hang this thing up in your room, somewhere you can see, and just stare at it daily when you have time. Also, you have to realize that every time you want to FAP, it is the temptation that is speaking to you, and not your true self. This is because porn is a real drug, and since we all had to many, whenever we try to withdraw from it there will always be strong temptations. The thing I tell myself is that temptation is only TEMPORARY. That is, on day you have it, the other day you don't. So whenever I feel the urge to fap, I recognize that it is a temptation, and then I tell myself to step away from it, such as taking a walk outside. I think in NOFAP the most important thing is to be mentally stronger than your temptation: You HAVE to believe that you will overcome your temptation, one day.
There are only 2 reasons people fail. They feel they either need to fap or they feel that there are benefits to fapping. For example, some people feel that if they quit fapping then they'll have to struggle with urges for the rest of their lives and that life will be forever miserable. Others feel that fapping allows them to relax and concentrate better. Others might feel that porn gives them the joy and pleasure that their life is lacking. Others, upon quitting, suddenly find themselves facing a huge emotional void, boredom, and lack of purpose in life. So they feel that they cannot be comfortable unless they have porn. I could go on and on, but the people that succeed do so because they don't find any benefit or sense to fapping at all. Everyone is aware of the negative effects of fapping to porn. What makes or breaks a recovery is whether, despite knowing these negative effects, you believe that fapping is somehow a necessity in life.
