Why your method of counting days possibly makes you miserable (+Alternative)

As I engage with the various posts on this platform, I've noticed a recurring pattern in the behaviors of those striving to break free from their addiction. Many individuals seem to be caught in a cycle, particularly concerning how they approach their streaks.

In this discussion, I want to address some common mistakes I've observed and explain why they can have a negative impact on your life and your reboot. Let me be clear: I'm not suggesting you should change your approach or claiming that my method is superior. Recovery from addiction is a deeply personal journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, I do encourage you to reflect on your beliefs about counting days.

Firstly, it's crucial not to equate days and streaks with progress and success. While temporary abstinence is undoubtedly a critical component of recovery, a porn-free life encompasses much more than completing a "90-day internet challenge." If this is your sole focus, you may find yourself disappointed. There are individuals on this forum with streaks exceeding 365 days, a milestone you might dream of, yet they still experience significant relapses and remain stuck in their addiction. On the other hand, some people face numerous setbacks but consistently learn from their mistakes, eventually learning how to lead a porn-free life. Addiction, in many ways, is a learning disorder. Abstinence has the potential to provide valuable experiences, but it ultimately depends on your ability to learn from them.

That's why you don't need to count towards a specific goal. After your first 30-day streak, you might aim for a 90-day streak, followed by a 150-day streak, and so on. But remember, a porn-free life is akin to fitness or a healthy diet—it requires daily choices and maintenance. Realize this mindset early on.

Let's stick with the analogy of a healthy lifestyle. Imagine someone tells you they have a New Year's resolution to eat healthily. Now, imagine they eat a bag of chips in March. Although it might not be the healthiest choice, they haven't abandoned their goal for the year. Should they restart counting from day zero? No, taking ten steps forward and one step back is not equivalent to eleven steps back.

For those struggling with addiction, relapses are common. You're battling impaired self-control and may have had this addiction for years—don't expect to overcome it with just a few weeks of abstinence. Slip-ups are to be expected. Consider them as data, a means to learn from mistakes.

The most detrimental behavior is bingeing. Imagine how different your recovery would be if every setback in the past year involved just one PMO session instead of ten in a row for ten days before starting your next streak. If you've binged after your last three streaks and reset your counter each time, you may be misguided. Bingeing and the days between streaks where you're in a low state are the worst forms of your addiction. If you still struggle with bingeing after a relapse, multiple relapses, or experiencing horrible low points between streaks, your main focus should not be on achieving another lengthy streak but on avoiding bingeing before everything else.

So, what can you do instead? If you enjoy counting days, consider setting up a fixed 90-day challenge. Choose a start date and record 90 days. You may use different colors for different scenarios: a clean day, a day where you masturbated, a day where you watched porn, or a day where you binged. This way, you'll see your progress in context, with no missing days in between. You'll always be accountable. If you relapse, continue recording your 90 days anyway. After completing the challenge, you can start another 90-day endeavor, aiming to have more clean days and fewer slips and setbacks next time, a better score so to speak. This is a much better way of tracking progress In my opinion.


Greetings from Bavaria

 

Sounds good. I also journaled a lot in the past. It helps to have it black on white written on real paper how you felt after your last relapses, because lets be honest, in the moment of temptation this memory is not vivid at all. Also every conventional argument against porn seemed loosing its plausibility confronted with a strong urge. But reading your own past experiences? Pretty hard argueing against those. Thats why I like journaling. When you are at your best, prepare for the worst. Give yourself a book with your own experiences explained for the future.

Sounds good to me. Congratulations on the harm reduction and on making progress in general. You will eventually reach your goal of a porn free life! Never be satisfied with just "managing" your addiction and keep striving to throw it out of your life!

Yes, changing the question into a positive question is better. One could even change the question in general in a more positive light. Everything we are doing here is not about giving something up, rather about regaining our life potential. One could change the question so it doesnt even contains the word porn like: "Did I lived today according to my own values regarding sex" or "Have I affirmed my sexual dignity by todays actions"

Yes keep going on! I wish you the best!