Why (some) may be doing "THIS"

I am a lonely man who had 1x sex which was never satisfying me, each 4 a 5 months with a woman who, if you do not ask, never said any affective words to me and acted in bad like a real h... by sucking me as the first act and masturbating herself as the last after she stopped my intercourse in the middle without giving even the smallest answer to my doing my best, by telling that she is an old woman and can not go further... well I am a little bigger created then some others I think but this is not a reason to play such a "sexual game" I think and I am asking you is there anybody else out there who suffered something like this for nearly 3 years??? What could be the result of this??? Of course a wish to look for other women of the "type" that can be the opposite as that one to be satisfied a little, but knowing the medical dangers of intercourse with such woman since my childhood I always avoided such an action and I only had contact with eastern women who only masturbated me which gave me more desire to go in that direction naturally, and porn was the only solution when she was absent for months and I didn't have time/money to spend with other women. I do not think that I am addicted to porn and/or masturbation but being a man (I am nearly 65 in search of a wife since ±40 years) in need of sex and relation with a woman and maybe having children, an act which will naturally will extinct over some 5 a 10 years when I got old and used up, don't I have the right to do these acts which are in this community seen as taboo and are forbidden to do??? Of course when you go to extremes as I sometimes do because of real explosions of solitude and excitement that porn gives to my very "photographical" sight and great imagination one gets very tired and the brain really ceases to function properly and apart of that, the idea of going against the will of God as a Christen affects me profoundly after the act is done... but WHAT SHALL I DO OTHERWISE?????????????? Please show me a way, I am really desperate.... and sometimes I am so unhappy with myself that I loose all my joy of living..... many thanks before hand. (In between time, I left my girl friend for good, in a last attempt to get rid of her, this was the 10th time!!!)

 

I only wanted to explain why I have done what I have done until now and because I was ashamed all these years of doing it and nobody could help me I joined this group to have support but as I told you all my plans to stop with it were jeopardised by this woman who is no more but in between time my daily life is so treated by her sexual behaviour that I sometimes want to have sex with a woman that I can not find anywhere and I do the act again and again. if YOU as a leader of this group consider that I am doing well and you want to stop me giving advice of course I will leave you for ever and maybe I will become insane after some months, only God knows...

 

You are completely right. I must recompose my life from now on and really do concentrate on other things....many thanks my friend!