Why is femdom addictive?

I’ve been into the whole
Femdom thing and wondered the same. Here are some possibilities I’ve come to for myself.
I have ADHD and it’s common to engage in risky exciting behaviour. Plus as a kid getting into a bit of harmless trouble or doing something daring with brother and friends gave me a buzz.
I have quite a stressful job where i need to be in control with a few employees. Plus my head is very active and busy often multitasking and being productive. But there comes a point where I just want a break and let go of responsibility (Hand over control and escape)
I also have a pretty loud/paranoid inner critic and my dad was pretty critical. So maybe someone being mean to me resinates and affirms negative core beliefs.
Say I had a crisis and was unsettled if I went to my parents for support sometimes they would get frustrated, anxious and annoyed they couldn’t fix the problem and it felt like I was in trouble for being upset at times. When what I needed was someone to calmly talk to and just listen or strategise. So sexual punishment would often follow a dilemma for me, one because I could temporarily escape the stressful situation and 2 because I felt it was a way of self sabotaging my floored self.
I was undiagnosed with adhd till a few years back so would have always felt something was a bit wrong with me not being able to concentrate at school etc. Instead of being comforted or given help I was told off a lot and sent out of class by a person in authority I guess. So a powerful attractive woman biting my ear l and whispering to surrender in a soft seductive way made me feel safe, protected and nurtured.
I’m not massively into Christianity myself but we’ve definitely had a lot of it pushed onto us consciously and subconsciously growing up, whether we say we believe it or not. So something that feels forbidden or even satanic gives us that big spike of adrenaline and dopamine cocktail.. For me labelling it as unconscious behaviour rather than sinning is less Shame inducing. (which is also a powerful fuel for addiction) But I’m not here to insult peoples religions if it helps that’s great.

 

As I’ve enjoyed being seduced and sexually teased. I’d pick up some of the skills which felt good and used them on women, when I was in a dominant mood myself. Trust me there isn’t very many escorts out there that play the femdom role well at all. It’s like Searching for unicorns. The last good one I used a few months back who was seriously good at it, told me she used to love the be dragged around on a lead in latex when she was younger,so obviously had an idea of what it was like on the other end. If they do it regularly they’ll get practise and tips from punters or porn to up their game.

 

Do you mind me asking how old you are (roughly). I'm pretty sure I have ADHD and really struggle with making life interesting. I want to get diagnosed but it's hard in the UK. Seeing a femdom escort relieves that boredom, for a while, and also takes my mind away from the other stresses in my life. But afterwards it just comes crashing down again more than before.

I have watched a video by a sex addiction therapist and he says 'a recovery should be one notch above boring' - I assume thats to do with regulating your dopamine levels. But that just scares the shit out of me. I want to ride fast motorbikes and skydive out of aeroplanes!

 

I’m nearly 40. It took a few years of pushing for the diagnosis after my private therapist had a her suspicions. I wouldn’t be keen on one notch above boring. My therapist says create a life you don’t want to escape from. Jordan Peterson talks about if you want to quit drinking to have something edgey to replace it with. Oh yea maybe this is the dragon he talks about that needs facing. I get bad approach anxiety with women I find attractive and get self critical, so I guess having a woman tell me she’s out of my league and do me essentially is a phobia that needs over coming. Maybe if I was to get my excitement from trying to chat up hot women that could be a solution! Keep doing the fun stuff dude

 

thanks for the reply. I'm not keen on one notch above boring either. I think I just need to find some healthy ways to get large increase of Dopamine.

With the self criticism - I think I have this too, and that its part of ADHD.

 

Yea too right:more fun activities and pushing outside the comfort zone. I get a lot of ruminating thoughts too and then feel I need to escape them. Hypersexuality is often a symptom as well.

 

I've been into femdom heavily myself and I decided to find that out to the bottom.
Femdom is a toxic transaction.
You gave up your manhood, and she gots the power over you.
Her benefit: more power (but: that is only fake power, she will find out later).
Your benefit: sexual pleasure.

During my examination I stumbled upon the thing called "emasculation".
If fact the domme lures you to gave up your manhood, that is the emasculation.
So in other words, you become addicted to the emasculation of your personality.
I believe people can develop a fetish that's connected to literally everything.
I think the lack of self-esteem and the lack of being confirmed as a man by our father is one of the root issues.
The dommes know this and make use of this weakness in men.
Reason why they lure us into weaken the men even more.

I wrote some articles in my journal about domination, femdom, and haughy women. Like this article.
It will really help you to understand the femdom thing.

Christianity and morality are great things.
Christianity is about relationship with God and with each other.
I believe that if a child is raised the right way, the chance (s)he choose for porn and being lured into things like femdom is very small. It's the environment at home, the lack of emotionally attachment from the father/mother, the lack of safety at home that makes a child "move into toxic directions" and find their safety somewhere else.
Yes sin can be pleasurable. The enemy always took what is good, and offer that to humanity as an illegal possibility.
Sex can be amazing when done legally. But it will destroy when done illegally.
The same with all other things.

 

This just popped into my YouTube suggestions, makes sense to my situation:

 

Wow! Just read this and feel like it’s me writing it.

I’m undiagnosed ASD and probably ADD too. I got hooked on watching dom stuff and ended up in the dom scene with male masters. And I’m a straight married guy!!! But it was so addictive…

I too have a demanding stressful career and having a master take control was such a sense of relief and so addictive. I use to message them first thing when I woke up every day almost begging for my next task or instruction! And I just didn’t know how to switch off and escape from them despite it taking up so much of my time in an already busy life!

I’m six weeks clean right now and soooo pleased to say I’ve left it behind me. I just be sent ever risk watching that sort of thing again!

So interested in the ASD/ADHD link here! I’m sure there is one!

 

Brilliant work staying sober dude well done

 

thanks bud! I’m trying!! Really trying!!

 

That's a great sentence. It totally makes sense.

However, if we keep spiking the dopamine level by frequent strong stimuli - visual, sensual, auditory - we become desentisized. Life is not like the fantasy presented in P materials, and consequently, it seems dull and bland. S is no longer appealing unless it is accompanied by a kind of scenario, right setting, right type of woman etc. We begin to compare our current state with that fantasy, which is probably not attainable in life. After all, P footage is shot multiple times, the point of view of the camera has been adjusted thanks to new techniques and better technology. The people in this industry have learnt what is appealing to men. They probably tell the woman exactly what she should do, when she should smile and how she should look at the man to arouse him. But it's just a game to trick the viewers.

But the pain remains, chasing a fantasy brings us to the sad conclusion that either we accept life without "constant fireworks" or we keep chasing the rabbit from a fairy tale.

 

Yes this is a massive problem. My partner has asked a few times recently why I've not been interested in her as much. It's not good, and horrible for her. It's not her fault.

 

You can fix this. 90 days - they say.

 

Femdom is deep going stuff.
I've been free from it for almost 2 years and reading the start post was still a bit triggering for me.

90 days is a good start anyways and a motivator for a life long porn free.

 

Well done for your abstinence that’s really impressive. Don’t answer if this would be triggering, but what would you feel would be safe to act out in a relationship for you personally on the kinkier side of things. Me I’m not aiming for a completely vanilla sex life but also I guess there has got to be boundaries. I also think it’s the mood you engage in some of these role plays which is important. For example if Im feeling really bad about myself and life and use femdom as a way of punishing or trashing myself that is really toxic. But if a partner was to wear PVC and get a bit extra naughty from time to time when I was feeling in a strong positive mood I thibk for me that would be ok. Porn all together is a no no. There’s never any healthy amount of that crap I would say.

 

Well the point is that the whole femdom is a shitty fantasy that can turn somebody on.

But real life is totally different.
Femdom deceased my self worth while real love making should increase the self worth of both man and woman.

I don't have had a sex life after my addiction, so I will probably find out how that will be.

But I guess that- whenever I am im a relationship- my experience of sexuality will be completely different compared with what I experienced with porn.
Because now my heart and emotions are involved. It's the real deal.

 

I’ve just started dating again after a long time off. It’s kind of weird. At first I don’t want to upset anyone or feel guilty for messaging others. But it’s dating and that’s what people do, experiencing different personalities till I find someone I really want to commit to.I’d like to meet the girl of my dreams straight away and be faithful kind and work as a team but guess I’ve got to kiss a few frogs first. Just got to be careful with getting triggered with sex or alcohol. I dont think any femdom would be appropriate getting to know someone anyway. But I. A trusting relationship it might be fun to spice things up now and again. Sometimes for me it was the outfits and the seduction id like and then me rebelling against the dom which made it exciting and intense. But giving into them can cause a lot of pain and self loathing sometimes, In a relashionship I’d want a adventurous sex life, but would be a good idea to write myself some boundaries not to cross.