Why Do We While Away Hours

Hi everyone,

this post has turned out to be quite long, and I tend to mix very many different topics together so that it can look quite messy, at times. If something is not clear, please ask. I will gladly explain in broader terms.

The way I see it: The human being is something that has been evolging in groups for several thousands of years. I think that having a group that you belong to, that you have bonds to, is a central aspect of a humans life. I have mentioned the following TED-talk in self-improvement already, in this thread: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...and-insecurities-advices.288546/#post-2719217
Nonetheless I think that here as well, this talk has some value, so I will name it again:
There is a TED-talk "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong" by Johann Hari. I highly recommend it.
Hari makes the statement, that addiction is a symptom of something totally different: The need for bonding. Before industrialization, people usually had a family, a large group of individuals with whom they intracted and had relationships. And before that, there were tribes.
Now if somebody does not have any kind of group, then his physical and emotional needs are not met. In such a situation, one starts looking for something that will make one feel satisfied (and I think that this search is driven by a very major force in a human's life [behaviour patterns, partially programmed into the genetic material, since this had been a pretty standard way of life for close to all humans for thousands of years]). This something could be isolating on a mountain and practicing martial arts for instance, or turning to any kind of substance that triggers the receptors in the brain.

Long story short: I think that in our time of smartphones and being online 24/7 we bond with our technological divices. And that is the reason why we spend so much time with them, doing whatever it is that we are used to do - browsing the world wide web, watching shows, playing games. Because our brain perceives these divices as being central to our life.

Is this good or bad? That depends on what you want. Do you want to beat your highscore in a game? Than it's good that you pour your time into that game, isn't it? Do you want to start a family? Then you probably should not play so much video games. The brain is pretty flexible, it takes the rest when it needs it. The trick (and it's a damn big trick, I'd say) here is to get the brain to have fun at doing something (the story about rewarding, dopamine and all those neuronal pathways) very specific.

The way to "combat" something like this.. I think that a very good starting point is to actually see this, to understand that there is such a kind of behaviour in one's life - if you do not see this, you do not see any need for changes, do you?
A second step could be to accept it. If you do not accept a cetrain problem, then you just push it away from you.

Now, that's the theory. It can be quite difficult to turn this into practice, because a behavioural pattern is something that the brain has learned and integrated into the daily life. One would have to stay aware of oneself all the time to stop such a pattern, i.e. just one slip of attention and the body is back to the old ways (old habbits die hard). Here I would like to refer to another talk, an interview with Bill Lipton led by Ian McNay: "The power of consciousness".
I do not think that my insight is anywhere near tremendous, I still have a very long way go to (there are so many things about myself which I would like to change, that I usually fail at something every day). Then again, every single person has had different experiences in life, and at different points of their life, at that. So maybe this post can help somebody. I hope it does:

Go out into the world and find some people with common interests. If needed, create those interests for you! Get yourself a tribe

 

Something that has helped me is to create lists of what I want to accomplish each day. Once I finish one thing, I move onto the next, and once I have accomplished everything, I can relax and do some relatively mindless activities and not feel too guilty about it. Of course, this strategy is best for morning people because we are the most productive at the start of the day.

When it comes to mindless internet browsing, you can do a similar thing. Make a list of things you want to do on the internet and stick to it. It doesn't all have to be productive things either. You can say "Watch YouTube for half an hour" as one of your items. But once that half hour is up, get off YouTube.

 

Well, what all do you have on your list? I think it should be more than just doing the stuff you have to do (e.g. school, work, chores). You should make time every day for what you really want to do. And I'm guessing it isn't mindlessly surfing the internet. Are there any hobbies you have that have been neglecting or something you have wanted to do for a while but for whatever reason haven't started? It could be anything - learning an instrument, playing a sport, learning a martial art, learning to write or paint etc. - but it should be something that you can create or improve upon, something you can be proud of.

I've found that if I spend time each day working towards my passion, I can go to sleep with a feeling of fulfillment. Once I get my obligations and my passion projects done, I don't have any problem reaching the end of the list. I can goof off in peace because I've done what I had to and what I really want to.

 

I think I know what you mean. I have days like that (I had one yesterday actually), but those days are the exception to the rule, unless I find myself in a rut. Are these days most days for you?

What are your eating and exercise habits like? I have found that a good diet and regular exercise sharpens my mind. Also, are you a morning or evening person?

 

For most men they will have work as the first priority. Then they have family / romantic relationships as the second priority. Next they will have personal interests / social life / friends as the third priority.

You can switch the order around depending on your circumstances. The problem comes when one of those three is missing: no job, no close relatives, no girlfriend, no hobbies, no friends, etc.

The solution is to restore whatever is missing. For many on NoFap, they can't date because they have PIED, PMO addiction and rely on masturbation as a coping mechanism for stress so they're constantly apathetic and depleted.

Furthermore, many men nowadays are lacking hobbies and friends. That's why need an entire sub-forum dedicated to loneliness.

To make matters worse, there is a global pandemic causing massive job loss.

So some guys find themselves afflicted by all three and with basically 24/7 free time. I know several people personally in that situation.

You can't realistically fill your 40-hours/week work time with productive recreational time. So we do unproductive things out of necessity, mostly relying on digital comforts.

But if we take a less extreme situation. Say a guy without hobbies. That's much easier to deal with. First, he will work on his physicality: sports, lifting, martial arts, fitness, training, etc.

After that, we work on his intellectuality: study, skills-building, reading, philosophy, language learning, etc.

Lastly, he may be religious, artistic or creatively-inclined. So he can develop those areas, as well.

At the same time, he does these things socially in-groups with other men: team sports, gym bros, sparring partners, pen pals, forum friends, reading groups, book clubs, language exchange, and so on, as much as possible.

 

You can still exercise at home. Right now I've been following this workout plan (no weights or gym equipment needed): https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/