Who's up for a JULY challenge?

I'm not believing in willpower anymore
Or to be more precise I doubt my own willpower alone will keep me from doing anything. It is rather self-reflection, the dedication to the idea of No-Fapping (conviction about the ill of porn) and the positive energy of this forum which prevents me from fapping.

More dangerous than all triggers is the neglect of my own decisions. Or say the idea that the next pmo could be more important than those decisions, dedication and belief. DKR has described this kind of thinking very powerfully (post 327).

 

I wonder which will break first, this heatwave or me? gonna be close

 

I almost succumbed to the temptation last night ... I have a firewall software on my laptop to help for those days... luckily I found a very entertaining youtube video of john oliver and spent time watching it just to cool off and see if I feel the same way... That cool off period helped... and then I decided to stay strong...

I'm willing to admit that I need some rail-guards to help me stay on track. It would be great if I could simply do it with my will power ...but isn't that the very definition of addiction --that it robs you of your will power. The firewall software on my laptop is something that helped me yesterday.

Also predicting when and where my will power will be weak and putting in tools to help stay on track in that situation is probably my only chance to get over this addiction.

Thanks for all the insights, tricks and tips everyone has shared so far.

 

I'm stuck in the house 12-15 hours alone right now due to the weather and my health. Still working out.
I guess in a way it's been a good test because I've been on the net a whole lot more and no drifting to P thoughts.
I know logically it's a click away but somehow it feels far away like some shadowy part of the web I don't remember all that well.
I'm not afraid of it and in many ways I feel healthier than on my best days with PMO.

Porn seems stupid, cheap and plastic right now and god please let it stay that way.

 

pmo still occupying my dreams. I decided to not post my full dream here but in my "own" thread ("my aims and progress")

So in the night I dreamt about watching porn and in the morning I dreamt of fapping and coming, very intensely. I wonder if I have touched myself or not. At least no cum. phew~
Since then BIG urge to fap. But no pornographic or erotic thoughts at all. It's just my body again.

So what do you think, guys? Will my unconscious fuck with me until I'm over the addiction. Is it about controlling my conscious and just accept whatever comes from my unconscious? Or what?

 

It's incredible how we almost all have those same dreams. I would jump up in fear thinking I was awake and relapsing the dreams were so vivid. It's part of the process again, it's the rewiring and a good thing. I saw it as sweating the poison out and it will go away too. It's a battle won bc it played out in your mind uninterrupted and without being acted on.
For me what helps is flooding my mind with other images until they took over. As silly as it sounds I really do dream about Superman and superhero's most nights I've taken so much of that in lately. I sleep to the animated series.
anything wholesome, light and fun
I tried religious movies at first but I found it all a bit heavy.
I mean if we can brainwash ourselves with porn we can brainwash ourselves with positive images as well. In this manner I think actully increasing my tv watching time has been a big help.

it will pass either way though, you are rewiring, you are winning

 

I use TV watching as a tool as well... but I do think that I'm jumping from one addiction to another...although on balance -watching a couple of hours of TV every day at night is WAY better than the alternative.

Hopefully, once I get myself out of this PMO gutter, I can reduce TV as well and focus on other good things in life.

 

A good sport to watch is snooker, it is relaxed and very interesting to watch.

 

Why are you called prostate-orgasm? I haven't had a TV for over six years, but I used to love watching snooker.

 

I totally agree with all of that and much of this will be temporary through the reboot. It's great all these guys getting off of PMO and getting out and doing new things. It makes me happy and smile reading about it.

It's just not a plan that will work for me. If I start getting out there and taking on new challenges I am sure to relapse. The pressure of it all will make me cave being a fairly lone wolf to begin with. Also I don't trust my judgement on what I do want out of life right now being a bit bi polar from the withdrawal. Decision making of any kind out of my head right now seems like a bad idea. I'll wait the 90-100 days before thinking about that stuff and I am very lucky I liked my life before PMO. I don't think I have any underlying issues. I have pain and health issues but I survived them for years without porn in my life.

For the most part my plan has been half boot camp and training my ass off and the other laying around like in a rehab hospital.

I get the one addiction for the other thing but know it will be temporary. And flooding my head with the G rated images has really rewired my thinking.
It's interesting because it calls all media into question as well as what to do with our conciousness. Many of our parents spent 6-8 hours a night in front of a tv and is that how we really want to spend our lives, our realities?

The harshness of porn and what it has done to us really calls it all into question. It wakes us out of habits others don't question.

It's funny but I haven't watched TV is about 25 years because I've always thought it was stupid. I've always seen through all the bullshit and the brainwash. I never bought into it's false ridiculous reality. And it has been great not to think in media terms at all. Even with all that porn damage I still never objectified people in real life or fantasised about them. I don't have 'a type' or really see or care about looks at all. I'm only attracted to personalities and I seriously think that's because I never watched media.
We aren't born attracted to certain types it's learned. I remember being a kid and thinking everyone was beautiful too.

The real ugly irony in all this is that is a big part of the reason I got hooked on porn. I thought hell man it' sex, it's natural, healthy. If I am going to watch something to unwind any ways why not something natural? Something not CNN, not depressing news or horrifying shows like SVU.
So as much as a gd moron I feel like for admitting that, it's what happened. I thought it was a good healthy choice. I think my P habit was a bit different too. I wasn't into it to lust after anybody, my rush came from watching/hearing others pleasure. Others O=dopamine hit for me and it stayed that way. Became obsession. I didn't have the guilt because it was amateur couples but at the same time not having guilt just made me fall further.Man there is no winning with porn ever, ever, ever.

My life before that was 4-6 hours of meditation a day.I had never been in a lighter, happier place in my life. I became celibate without thinking about it.I found a great love for all world religions, not a need but a love for them. I read the entire Mahabharata.I went to temples, churches. moved to the country took up a Zen lifestyle. Everything was clicking on such a higher level despite illness. I just felt so light in every way.
Then suddenly for some cosmically insane reason I thought, 'hey why not add porn to this?!"

crazy man, just crazy, I see why people believe in devils
one wrong little voice, one wrong decision one day

even as stupid and wrong as that decision was I never in a million years would have guessed how bad it would mess me up for many many years

I can't believe how far I fell and changed internally. Porn and it's effects are so ridiculous at times it makes me laugh. Or cry or laugh and cry.

I see so many straight men post worried they might be gay and how it makes them feel effeminate. My natural personality is very femme and porn has warped me into more masculine. lol It's like no matter who you are or want to be it does the opposite and makes you feel unnatural and bad.
And I sit here with my 5th row in a year with horrible panic attacks and anxiety all day long.
Porn it's never worth it.
God I hate it.

 

It is still easy for me. However there is other stuff i need to work on, i recently decided to stop using skype for 48 hours(had a lot of chatting with a strange bisexual girl not leading anywhere, she was even lying about her adress!). Taking more control over my life is actually harder now and i am not feeling very well(not sure if it is withdrawal symptoms or a permanent state due to nofap).

I am watching snooker using youtube now, i was following Stuart Bingham in the world championship. I rarely watch TV and i will not get one once i have moved into a own home/department. I will not answear any questions regarding my name.

 

I drink my beer today. Everything goes smoothly on my side and I still have my jokers (panic button).

Have a good one, evrybody! Keep strong!

 

A girls recently ask if i was interesting in a threesome(2 men and one woman) and i proudly turned it down since it felt wrong(she was in a relationship also). My principles is very important for me.

 

10 days left, still going strong!! This has been one of the most productive months I've had this year and one of the variables that I've removed to make this happen is PMO.

 

Is it too late to join?

 

nope, glad to have you man

 

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