Tl;dr Do any of you have any persons you used to be stuck on wanting to impress, and if yes, how did you get rid of the obsession? I am looking to ask due to a personal issue of mine, which features a little bit of introspection. To begin, I am a long time Fapstronaut, first time NoFap user. Abstaining from masturbation for religious reasons has been bringing me benefits ever since I turned 16. I was very unexperienced though, and suddenly became very popular and got a load of attention from girls. Both of those things were really for the first time. Fast forward -> I get into a relationship -> I move elsewhere -> Girl "breaks up" by blocking me from digital communication -> Other classmates are still friends, so not knowing what to do I tell someone about what's going on -> Something urges girl to make everyone hate me and now we've got one cluster of people whom I haven't spoken to in a year because they've blocked me out of nowhere and another cluster who just doesn't know what's going on. The story is confusing and tragic, but here's the deal with me: I'm totally over my relationship and living my life. I have a lot of new friends in my new place now, and I am on the best path to becoming the person I would like to become. Working out, getting stuff done without procrastination, and constantly setting new goals. However what made me make an account here today and post this, is that I am noticing I am not doing this sincerely for myself. There are two people whom I just can't stop thinking about, and maybe everything I've done is with that thought in the back of my head that they might see me one day, and remember who I used to be. Another big one is that I really miss one of them, and I totally want my friend back. Those feelings have been getting stronger and stronger; I am fearing that the more I grow to be "a real man", the more this false intention will surface, and in fact, it just recently lead me to relapse. So now, sometimes when I try to do things "for my own self", life suddenly seems dull and pointless, and I want to go back to my past. I could continue trying to move on and live for my own self, try to sort things out with old friends, or maybe even sort things out with my ex-gf. Though I am not interested in being someone who crawls back to people who have chosen to leave him. Please give me some advice. At the end I need to mention that I love the nofap site ever since I've read the first couple of forum entries. It seemed so unimaginable that I would ever find anyone like-minded, yet this whole amazing community had been there all along.
This behaviour is rooted in a childhood where love was not unconditional. You got attention only when you "delivered" something, or when you behaved as excpected. And you were often "rated". Mark Zuckerberg has exploited this behaviour - he became a billionaire by fulfilling people their need for "likes" . In short, you get rid of this when you do things for yourself, not for others. Learn to be really comfortably with yourself. Find and do the things you deeply like by yourself. Work on building your very own environment which is comfortable exactly for you.
Read the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson. It's a great book and one I've found it really refreshing.
Very many people suffer from it. Me too. It is a big issue in western society. And social media are increasing it. Don't do things for getting praised, and also don't avoid things just because you are afraid of criticism. Basically you must get at peace with yourself and do the things you like, for yourself.
You need to move on from people in your past. I think social media is a big problem for having this feeling. Its not natural to get information and photos of people from your past. Its keeps you anchored to the past.
That's right. social media is only good when you are using them while you are in real contact with people. (e.g. facebook group for students, project teams, etc.) But as soon as you have no real contact anymore, there is danger that you stick to these people although you have no real connection to them. In this case, either make a real contact, or drop these contacts off your list, to get them out of your head.
Exactly . thanks for understanding . The ironic thing is I don't use social media at all ... I'm like the chosen few that doesn't use it since I'm young & everybody my age has it . I'm an old soul .
Thanks, but I am only good at analyzing. However, working, creating and doing is a challenge for me, it's a recurring struggle. You are really amazing, because with your age of only 14 years, your thoughts are extremely mature. You sound like a 30-year-old.
