Where to start

Hi,

I have just joined the forums and I think this is the most appropriate section for me at the moment.

I am a 36 year old single male. For a lot of my life I thought I had an overactive/strong sex drive. This led to behaviour that I did not like (one night stands, cheating). I also watched porn for most of my life.

I became aware a long time ago these things will not allow me to have a healthy relationship. I have also been doing a lot of introspection and seeing a psychologist (although I don't talk about the sex issue) and have a lot more awareness now of the true nature of the problem. Sex is a substitute for human connection for me. I also have a hard time feeling connected to most people. Aside from this I have a tendency to avoid certain emotions and sex is one of (perhaps the most powerful) way for me to distract myself and few good about myself.

I did NoFap last year and made it to day 17. Since then though I have not had a run of more than a few days. I have however massively reduced pornography. I was probably at about a year without porn. Recently I was feeling down after a break up and I gave in. But I have been able to stop this again quickly I hope so the habit will not reform.

I have a few specific problems: I am very aroused by cuckold stuff. This could be because of my parents cheating on each other? Either way it has caused me problems in relationships and I do not even like it. But it arouses me more than anything else. Way more. I have never done anything in real life except fantasize with girls about it. Even on my NoFap streak what broke me was thinking about an ex with another guy she had been with. This just over powered me. Even without porn for so long this is still a dominant fantasy for me. I have no idea how to take it away because it feels so over powering. It drives me crazy but at the same time it is totally at odds with what I want - a respectful, monogamous relationship.

Another issue is massage parlours with happy finishes. I think this has just become my easy way to get sex/ hand job without having to put in any real work. And I think in a way without having to lead some girl on... But I would say many of the times these experiences actually leave me feeling lousing and often aren't even enjoyable. Quite frequently the girl isn't even attractive or is an older woman. Not to mention the thousands and thousands of dollars wasted. If i am tired and stressed this habit seems to take root. At the moment I am trying to draw a line and say no I don't do that anymore.

Those are my main two issues. I want to be able to have a healthy relationship. I also want to feel like my sex drive isn't some out of control demon that leads me into stupid and immoral decisions.

I did NoFap before and was very focussed while on it but I feel like the pressure builds to a point where I could do something very stupid or impulsive and giving in to masturbation almost feels like the smart thing to do. Also once I do slip up I have this tendency to be like well it's over lets go all out.

I guess I am looking for advice. I have minimized porn, I am trying to axe paid sexual services. Cuckold fantasies I don't have a plan for. Is NoFap reboot the answer? I just don't feel strong enough to do it successfully.

 

Thanks man. I’ll keep it in mind.

 

Me? What did what give me?