Where else to start?

All right, I should probably start here. For myself as much as anything else. So. I'm a 33 year old guy. Give or take a few quirks and oddities fairly normal; I have a job, I'm married and have a kid. Life is good... or should be. I think my porn and masturbation addiction have been sort of ruining things for me, so I decided to do the reboot.

Why?

I'm in an open relationship and I have a fair opportunity to have sex regularly. With some effort, two or three times a week would be realistic. In reality, in recent times this has been less than once a week, this autumn, I've been without sex for over two months, whilst masturbating daily/multiple times a day. Sessions with graphic and text based porn can eat up whole evenings (easily 3 hours a day, at a point where I consider myself busy and short on time...) and cut into my already short and precious hours of sleep. This clearly has an impact on energy levels and mood.

A recent situation was an eye opener. I've been partly blaming my wife for my lack of motivation for sex and my issues with erection during "normal" sex. A busy mother of a small tot, she's not been looking and feeling her best lately. I can now see this was unfair. Last week an opportunity arose to have sex with a very sexy young woman. My type exactly, we were both into it, relaxed after a few glasses of booze... and I couldn't get it up, not for the life of me. Sure, I can try and also blame it on other factors, like recent stress and whatnot, also, it may have been an instance of "flat-lining" as I actually first interrupted my porn habit early last week with a relapse on Friday. Who knows. It crushed my confidence, made me realize I'm almost incapable of performing in relaxed, natural circumstances with a head not filled with intense pornographic (often violent) fantasies. And it's time to change that. No time like now, eh?

How?

So last night I un-book marked my primary sources of porn, deleted my browser history, said bye to a few online friends who meet me in internet spaces where porn is almost unavoidable. This morning I mentioned I'll be attempting this to my wife, so I guess... shit got real now.

My goal is to completely avoid porn and masturbation for 90 days.

I want to continue to have sex (or try to, anyway) since that's my main motivation, my libido is rather high/strong to begin with and I feel I'd be doomed to fail if I tried to go celibate. After all, my whole motivation is to stop undermining and sabotaging myself with masturbation and have more normal, good sex.

After the ninety days I'd like to start exploring stuff like mindful masturbation, and see if I can re-engage with reading and writing erotica in a manner that doesn't pull me back into a spiral of erotica and porn binging sessions. I'm torn about saying good bye to "all porn" for ever, especially since I have an interest in erotic photography (acts) that's more art-based than linked to my bad habits. I hope to be wiser on the other end of the tunnel.

Cons, fears, obstacles?

My biggest fear at the moment is handling my libido without masturbation. I tend to have quite strong, somewhat intrusive fantasies (daydreams) when I'm horny. Committing to 90 days without masturbation means committing to skipping some 200 orgasms that would release the tension of being horny. I've skipped masturbation in the past in lead up to important life events (such as my honeymoon) but never even remotely on this scale. Even if I get laid and manage to get it up and get off... I'm still unlikely to get even a tenth of that in the coming period, unless something changes quite dramatically.

A part of my plan is post on this forum, too, about the sort of state of mind and craving that porn has induced in me in more detail. I think I need a clarity, and eventually some sense of closure with that. But that's not for here, not for now. Now, it's... day one.

So... wish me luck I guess?