What to do about todays awful logistics in dating?

Go to churches, bars, clubs, grocery stores, weekend farmers markets, plus do online dating on the side. Also, pray to the Lord for a wife, say a prayer every day for a wife, and say a prayer before you go out to one of the above mentioned places to search for a wife

 

Most of it goes down on Instagram and Snapchat nowadays I believe.

 

You can decide It's your responsability to meet new people and not the fault of today's world. 2 years ago I was in a worst situation than yours and I pushed myself ! Meeting new people is just about going out and "meeting new people". That's it. Then you get friends you can rely on. And women (or one woman) you can have relationships with.
You're looking for ways to meet new people and trying to intellectualize all this when you have all the answers right in front of you. You are surrounded by people everyday. You're just scared of rejection. Which is normal but the real question isn't about finding places to meet people. But rather daring to go out and opening yourself to others

 

What are you basing all of this on? On your experience after trying hundreds of times or on what you think is the truth (so based on nothing)? People your age are the same as people my age. My best friends are in their late twenties or even their thirties. I even have friends who are over 40 years old. I've also met women over 30 with whom things have gone very well.

People WANT to meet new people. No, people aren't cynical. I meet people every week and everything goes well.

I better understand why you don't meet anyone. This isn't a personal attack, I'm just straightforward, but if you assume that stopping someone on the street because you find them attractive is harassment, of course it will be much harder to meet women and even people in general. I’ve been cold approaching women for 6 years. not a single girl told me it was harassement.

Cold approach, beyond meeting women, is a way to gain confidence, overcome your fears, and change the beliefs that hold you back. You seem to have a lot of fears, which is normal. However, what you can change are your beliefs that you are in this situation because of today's world (and therefore you can't do anything about it).

You've posted this thread, at least try to be open to different opinions and learn from others. Because your viewpoint, no offense, is very negative! You won’t meet anyone with this point of view. Both friendships or more.

 

I am not a psychologist nor an expert in this field. But from my point of view, there is an epidemic of loneliness when you watch the news too much and only see the negative aspects of the world. Personally, I go out every day, and the people I meet are just fine.

Guys today want relationships but don't put in the effort that comes with it. What I mean is that, just like learning the piano or any activity, you can't expect to get what you want without practice. It's the same for relationships. Guys want relationships and complain about the circumstances, but if it were genuinely important to them, they would have what they want. Of course, this needs to be nuanced. There are psychological factors and past experiences at play. But again, it comes down to taking responsibility.

I went to see a psychologist for three months because I was doing everything to please others five years ago. And it helped me. I could have thought it was the world's or my parents' fault. No, I could change that.

You are confusing meeting a woman you like with begging. I don't ask for anything and I don't expect anything from the women I approach on the street. If that were the case, of course, it wouldn't work. If someone comes up to me and asks for something, I would certainly dismiss him. On the other hand, if a woman approaches me and says, "I saw you and hesitated to come over, but I thought I should do it so I wouldn't regret it," that's incredible, and it would make me want to stay and talk to her. Even if nothing comes out of it afterward. I don’t care.

Well, think of it the same way from a woman's perspective. They appreciate sincerity and boldness. That's how you meet people. You give instead of taking.
You don’t know these people. Why expect anything from them ? Sometimes I approach girls saying you’re pretty or just a simple hello. If this girl ignores me and keep walking even if that almost never happens, It’s fine. It doesn’t change my day. It’s okay. I respect her choice and I don’t know her life. Maybe she got fired the same day. Maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend. I don’t know her. She doesn’t know me. It was just talking to someone at this point. Why calling this « harassement »

I’m sorry to tell you you really have wrong beliefs on this point. I made so many friends and dated so many girls through cold approaching in 6 years that what you’re saying is sooo out of my reality.

You take any number, and everything is catastrophic today. Whether it's education, relationships, politics, ecology, crimes, etc. I'm sorry to tell you that there will always be problems in the world. However, these problems don't have to dictate your life. And if you're not meeting anyone, it's your responsibility. I'm not saying it's your fault; it's your responsibility. These are two different things. You are in this situation, now what are you going to do about it?
Your perception of things isn’t reality because other guys are experiencing the opposite. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Which is a good thing actually because things are not fixed forever.

As I said, many guys complain about their relationships, but if it were so important to them, they would make the effort. If their social anxiety was so severe and unbearable, they would seek therapy.

Five years ago, when I decided that I was done being that shy guy who couldn't say hello to a woman and had no friends, it was a real decision. Yes, I faced obstacles along the way, and sometimes I thought the world was tough. However, inaction, that's something I never allowed myself to indulge in.

I wish you the best, and I hope you find what you're looking for. You created this thread to seek opinions, and you have mine along with my experience.

 

I can't summarize 3 months of therapy in a few sentences. It's deep. and on top of that, I've received this help a few years ago so I don’t really remember anything. But I recommend therapy to anyone facing life challenges

You don't seem to grasp the possibility of talking to someone without having a specific goal in mind. It's quite disrespectful of you to assume that I will approach a woman with the intention of getting her number or a date. If I had these goals I wouldn’t even try because thé pressure would be too high.
I don't even know her. Yes, I find her physically attractive, or else I wouldn't approach her – that's natural. But there are beautiful girls everywhere. At this stage, I don't know her. Moreover, thinking about the outcome and having a specific goal prevents me (and her) from truly enjoying the moment. It goes against the natural flow of things.

There is absolutely no similarity between sales and approaching a woman. I'm not selling anything, and she's not selling anything. It's just two human beings meeting. And yes, I don't have her consent to approach her. You will never have a woman's consent to approach her if you find her attractive. You think it's a burden for her to reject a man who dares to take that step towards her, but it's the opposite. It's not even a rejection. Most of the approaches I've made, women were delighted, and I've even spent entire days and formed friendships with some women who already had a boyfriend, simply because they appreciated me, simple as that. Proof that I’m not here to have a date in the first place when I go talk to girls. Maybe nothing will happen, maybe we’ll be friends, maybe more. Not knowing and letting go of these things is amazing.

Social interactions are not about getting things from people.
As for this idea that approaching on the street is desperate, it's also the opposite. You never feel more free than when you can choose the women you date. And you can't choose if you leave it all to chance. Being desperate is not trying and being frustrated about not trying and lack of affection. Therefore getting into a relationship with the first girl interested in you because of lack of choice and self awareness. (Which is deeply direspectful towards women and yourself)

Approaching women on the street is not desperate. Desperation is scrolling through Tinder and getting drunk because you lack self-confidence.
As for finding something interesting to talk about, I'm not here to entertain or act like a clown. I'm here to potentially meet a woman I find attractive and see where it leads us

I don't regret a single second of having done this work on myself. Being able to approach anyone and be socially happy, understanding others, is a gift not given to everyone.

 

It looks like you've never met a woman in your life, lol. You talk as if approaching someone was manipulative with the goal of causing harm or trying to have sex at any cost, by any means necessary. Do you think I'm going to talk to women just to discuss the weather and she doesn't know why I'm here? I leave her without reasons and I speak without intentions, and it's up to her to understand what I'm doing here of course (lol). You live in another world.

Do you really think I care about getting the number of a girl I don't know at all, without even knowing a minimum about her or if she is a match for me? And to have a date without creating something with her beforehand.
You see relationships as begging. Because you are probably like that. No wonder you don't have any relationships.
You've been disrespecting me since the start, even though there's value in what I'm saying, and it could help you.
You can't even conceive the idea of wanting to talk to a woman and if nothing happens It's okay, we can even be friends. That doesn't mean I don't need sex or affection. Like you're biaised by all these dating coaches on youtube.

You aren't living in reality. that's serious. Get help

You just didn't read my post.

You write to complain about your shitty life. I'm done here.

 

In fact, I feel like I'm telling you things but you only understand half of it. I'm not hiding behind any chivalry. You want me to approach women because I like their personality? Approaching a woman saying "I really liked your personality". Lol, that makes no sense. All I see is physical appearance when I see a woman on the street or anywhere. And you stop at that. Which means I'm a superficial person who only thinks about sex and satisfying my basic needs. Because I approach women solely because I find them physically attractive.
Tell me what else I could see than physical when wanting to talk to a woman. I'm curious to know what you would do in my place. Maybe "oh nice watch, oh oh the weather is good today" would be better. Okay I'm done here.

I feel like you're living in a parallel world, the world of lost guys on the internet where there's no more social interaction and yes, there's loneliness. How can you understand others and yourself in this case? Not surprising. And this time, it's not the fault of society or the media.

What use is it for me to want to go on a date with a woman I find pretty when I haven't even spoken to her yet. Even less to have her number. You think I'm going to approach women with the goal of sleeping with them when I don't know them and I don't even know if they match me a minimum.
What would I gain by having excessive expectations of a total stranger? Of course for you, approaching someone necessarily means wanting to sleep with them, it's typical of the toxic mindsets of guys you can find on the internet.

I'm superficial, but what could be more true and authentic than talking to a woman you like in real life? What bothers me is not so much your lack of understanding of male-female relationships because there are plenty of people in that case who have very little open-mindedness, but rather your lack of respect. You are the kind of guy, based on what I read, who doesn't learn anything from others and stays on your negative beliefs all your life, which I don't wish for you.

I rarely spoke with someone with such a huge ego. It's not me who posted this thread to share that my love life is empty. What are you expecting ? That people come to tell you how extraordinary you are, to find solutions, or to complain? I don't understand.

 

Go on SR (semen retention) for a few months and you'll have your proverbial pick of the litter. Trust me.

 

Hey my friend,

Similar situation to yourself. 23 year old guy here. I work in an industry where everyone is married and in their 40's. I've spoken to older male colleagues about this, and when I told an older male colleague that I was single he was shocked. He literally said if he had my looks and was 23 again, he would've been fighting off the girls with a stick. I have been routinely told by both men and women I am good looking, dress well, take care of myself. I'm a bit on the shorter side (5'7") but not too bummed out about it as it's something I have no physical control over.

I suppose the one thing that I am frustrated with, when it comes to female advice is, it is always contradicting. Some girls will say go to a coffee shop, or a bar, etc to go and hit on women. Then other flip side, other girls will be like "Girls don't go to those places to be hit on". This is just an example.

To me it feels like as a guy you can do nothing right. If you're interested in a girl and want to say hi and she doesn't reciprocate, you're harrassing her. If it's the vice versa and you're not interested in her, you're a pussy/you're rude.

I'm naturally pretty extraverted myself, and have no problems fitting into any sort of new social situation, it's just I am getting frustrated when people give me conflicting advice. Advice for women finding a boyfriend is quite universal, 90% of guys would probably agree, however it's not the same the other way round.

I also hate to sound like one of those guys, but I feel like metoo has played more of a negative role in isolating both sexes from each other as well. I remember I read recently that 90% of guys don't approach, let alone compliment a women anymore out of fear of being labelled a harrasser or getting the police called on them, then you see women on reddit complaining why guys don't approach them anymore. I feel like metoo has relegated dating to be done on apps only, with recent covid lockdowns occurring as well, I still feel like a lot of people still have social fatigue of going out.

Just my 2c.

 

I was from the beginning actually

Either you don't read my posts, or you don't understand them because it's so far out of your reality that it's possible to speak to a woman without having sexual intentions from the beginning of the interaction that you find it impossible. It doesn't occur to you for a single second that I could approach a woman, tell her she's cute, she tells me she has a boyfriend, and we become friends? I'm not going to decode every second of my interactions with women to make you understand that I simply have nothing in mind when I speak to a woman. Because you can't understand that. That's why I say you live in a different world from mine, and this world seems devoid of relationships from what I can read.

That's why you're in this situation. Your situation is due to the choices you've been making every day for years. It has nothing to do with the media, lol. If you can't find a job, it's not because of a lack of work in society. If you don't have a girlfriend, it's not because dating is hard nowadays. It's just that you're not putting in enough effort and you're stuck in ways of thinking that haven't brought you any results for years. Without being able to admit to yourself that you could have been wrong from the start.

I feel like I'm talking to a petulant child who throws tantrums because his mum/the world doesn't give him what he wants.

You haven't read my posts so I'm not going to continue debating on a subject you're not familiar with and you don't understand.

Yes, and you have a huge ego and an inability to learn from others. That must be the problem with women.