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What should I do with my sex life?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ElevatingEagerly, Mar 23, 2023.

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  1. Mar 23, 2023 #1
    ElevatingEagerly

    ElevatingEagerly Fapstronaut

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    I'm kinda torn on what I should do regarding my sex life.

    Whenever I go out to bars (rare) I always have women looking at me/approaching me. There's conflicting advice online, with some guys saying to partake in hookup culture while you're young, saying you'll regret it if you don't, while other guys say to get on monk mode, grind and save yourself till marriage.

    I don't particularly think hookup culture is moral and the idea of saving myself for my future wife sounds fantastic, but I don't know how realistic that is in the western world. I also don't want to have the regret of not doing the hookup thing in the future. I want to be happy with whatever decision I make.

    Also the risk of STI's, unwanted pregnancies etc are extremely offputting for me.

    I'm 21 (22 next week) and I'm a virgin thus far (through personal choice) and am going back to college in September.

    What do you guys advise?
     
    ElevatingEagerly, Mar 23, 2023
    ElevatingEagerly, Mar 23, 2023
    #1
    Hello Friend likes this.
  2. Mar 23, 2023 #2
    HealingBodyandMind

    HealingBodyandMind Fapstronaut

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    I would advise getting a long-term girlfriend and pursuing a good career/life together.

    If sex ends up happening, have it be with a long-term girlfriend. Best advice would be to quit porn/masturbation entirely, get a long-term girlfriend, and get a good job (all of this easier said than done of course)

    I have hooked up with a girl from the bars before when I went to college in the past... the majority of them were looking for a relationship, even if they didn't say it directly. so if you do have sex with a girl from a bar... majority of the time she is at least considering you as a possible boyfriend... but you have to put in more work to get to that point, just having sex one time won't make her your girlfriend

    final advice: get a long-term girlfriend, work on career, if sex happens, cool; if she wants to wait, cool
     
    HealingBodyandMind, Mar 23, 2023
    HealingBodyandMind, Mar 23, 2023
    #2
    sb392563, Positive Psychology, KevinesKay and 1 other person like this.
  3. Mar 23, 2023 #3
    DeepRecovery

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    If you're not in a relationship and you're not keen to go for a hookup it seems clear what the logical option is. Because if you are going to get into some kind of relationship first then the decision isn't yours alone anyway right?
     
    DeepRecovery, Mar 23, 2023
    DeepRecovery, Mar 23, 2023
    #3
  4. Mar 23, 2023 #4
    Hello Friend

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    I'd recommend the same thing.
    Check out post nut clarity or feeling empty/regretful after sex on Reddit.
    You'll see that many people(in comments) said that they experience those negative emotions when they sleep with someone they have no feelings for. (Hookups for example)
    And after sex, they just wanna leave that person asap. I guess you know what I'm trying to say.

    I don't think you'd regret. I've seen/heard many people having the regret of many relationships they had with many partners. It ain't worth it imo.

    Lately I've been thinking about lust as an illusion that fools us. Think about it. What's the point of sex in this world? Procreation. So that humans won't go extinct. It's not just about joy.

    It doesn't matter what society says. Just because most people do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
     
    Hello Friend, Mar 23, 2023
    Hello Friend, Mar 23, 2023
    #4
  5. Mar 30, 2023 #5
    StevenR

    StevenR Fapstronaut

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    I don't have fond memories of any hookup. For me it's always been a form of human porn or an imbalance where someone wanted a relationship but we settled for a hookup. On several occasions those "one night stands" turned into complicated relationships where we didn't really want to date but we also didn't want to stop having sex either.
     
    StevenR, Mar 30, 2023
    StevenR, Mar 30, 2023
    #5
    ElevatingEagerly, KevinesKay and QuaerensLibertatem like this.
  6. Apr 4, 2023 #6
    ElevatingEagerly

    ElevatingEagerly Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I fell asleep last night thinking about the times I've made out with women at bars/clubs and it kinda grossed me out ngl. If that grosses me out, fornicating with them would be even worse for me.
    Think I've decided to get onto monk mode, get myself sorted and then see what happens relationship wise. Relationships can't be my priority right now.
     
    ElevatingEagerly, Apr 4, 2023
    ElevatingEagerly, Apr 4, 2023
    #6
    uplift likes this.
  7. Apr 4, 2023 #7
    ElevatingEagerly

    ElevatingEagerly Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing your insight. I've decided to focus on myself and my work. I need to build sexual temperance in that time. Relationships aren't a priority right now.
     
    ElevatingEagerly, Apr 4, 2023
    ElevatingEagerly, Apr 4, 2023
    #7
    hollyman likes this.
  8. Apr 4, 2023 #8
    Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut
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    And probably the addiction from which we had already suffered so much will reach the next level...
     
    Roady, Apr 4, 2023
    Roady, Apr 4, 2023
    #8

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