What makes a good friend?

A good friend is, first and foremost someone you can always rely on. Do you think you can always trust/rely on your online friends?

 

What makes a good friend? Characteristics I've found paramount are empathy, compassion, and ones who can speak compassionate wisdom into your life. Those are people who will be of great value to you.

You need to actively engage in selection bias in terms of finding them. You're likely more apt to find higher quality friends in certain places like a religious organization or mututal interest club rather than a pub or bar, etc. Just my 2 cents though.

 

I think respect is a big one. You don't need to fully understand someone to have respect for them, but having respect may just lead to understanding.

Inviting someone irl might just be something a lot of people don't expect these days and people might just kind of assume a relationship will always be limited to being online. And besides going to your house what about meeting in a public place somewhere?

 

Your message about 'wanting to find your twin' really resonated. For years, I've felt Ive lacked someone in my life who I can fully be myself around, without judgement, and that's coming from someone who is married and been with their partner for over 15 years with.

So, my thoughts, in conjunction with what @Amphibian suggested, is that a real friend is someone you can be yourself with, who can impart their own form of wisdom, without judgement.

Unfortunately, from experience, most people only amount to being acquaintances because of the very valid points you raised in your initial message. Therefore, I'm disinclined to believe that real friends exist. Rather, we get through life on our own, and appreciate those who influence our life for the better for as long as they're a part of it. If we're lucky, we might meet someone who doesn't drop us like a sack of spuds as soon as something better comes along, or who doesn't just forget about us for no apparent reason.

 

A good friend is someone that you share a lot of common interests with, someone that thinks a lot like you, shares similar beliefs, someone that you don't have to worry about them judging you if they don't agree with you on something, someone who cares about you and will help you when you need help.
The last sentence about being helped when you need it, makes having a irl friends that are geographically close to you important. Most of my close friends I met in 6th grade almost 55-years-ago. Sadly, I moved away and they are hundreds of miles away, but I still find time to see them once or more during the year.
One thing about a good friend, when you do see them it feels like you have never lost contact with them and you pick up with them right where you last saw or spoke with them.

 

Perhaps my reply was overly pessimistic. Just my experience. If online friends gives you the connections you need, go for it. No different to how people used to have penpals kept in touch with by letter. If you feel you can be yourself with them, you're on to a good thing.

 

Finding your twin sounds so nice and to grow up with.

I read that 200 hours is the time it takes to become true friends.

when it comes to filtering well.

fit nice consistent and. Common interests are what I’m looking for.

I really try to embrace non perfectionism in this. When you listed your standards I think yours are all reasonable! I think I meet those standards. Anyways my aim now is just to keep making the effort to like meet and hangout with people. I use meetup as my goal is irl friendships

I’m commenting more on threads here too to make some online friends.

got any tips for how to make online friends on forums? What’re your hobbies?

 

One thing I consider a true friend to be is some one who connects with you regardless of any situation. Wants to talk without notice. That one person that still messages you on social media while others post about them selves to brag. Especially can pause a game, movie, or work if you are upset and having a bad day. Good friends do exist it takes allot to realize who the right ones are.


I’ve had my door opened and closed so many times from people. Now it’s kind of like I gave up a bit.

 

An AP would be cool. I never had one but I did message people who had lots of time often to help me build up momentum.

Yeah, I'm getting quite flexible with my standards for friends. They basically just have to be nice to me at this point lol. I'm probably hanging with a guy with tattoo's and piercings when I'm more conservative (have zero) and a girl who barely responds with one sentence every other day via text. But hey, if they're cool people and they coordinate a meetup. I'll be there!

And I chatted with the same person at the gym today for the second time. Which is wonderful social gains for me. I found for some reason whenever I go swimming it seems to be a good place to say hi to others. Then we like see eachotehr around the gym too.

Thanks for the advice I took it to heart. Chess is hardcore. The most serious board game ever and so good for like thinking ahead in life as a general strategy. I used to play but didn't know how to progress on that learning curve. Are you in deep with chess, like do you learn lessons from some source? Hows the chess going these days?

My main thing is bodybuilding. I'm at the gym 4x/week doing upper lower workouts. Honestly I want to be in there 5x/week but I'm doing 4 to prevent burnout. Making good progress on all fronts, just the pull up feels awkward sometimes in my shoulder so I'm gonna keep testing that out and if I can progress I'll keep it, but if not I can always lat pulldown. I'm pretty stoked to just be building good mass, definition and even chatting a bit with people. I met this couple at the gym one swims the other lifts and we talked about anime some