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What do I say to her?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Abird, Feb 22, 2018.

  1. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    So there is this girl i'm seeing in a train when im on my back home every day. We get off the train at the same station. I know the girl's name, because we both attended a same class in high shool 4-6 years ago. Not sure how I did it, but i'm pretty sure that's her. If i'm right we both will take this train for at least 6 months. Most of the time I'm only seeing her at the end as I walk to the front of the train I leave the train. She always enters the train at front and chooses a place at the front.

    What's the best way to start a convo and get to know her (with the goal to ask her on a date sometime)? Today she dind't chose a place at the front, but walked to the back and choose a place on the opposite of me and I kinda paniced out and put music on....

    Can someone give me advice?
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  2. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    It's less about what you say and more about how you say it. However it is good to get an idea of what you want to say and try to plan how the conversation will go. Maybe practice in the mirror. Relax, be yourself, pay attention to her and give relatable thoughtful responses.

    As far as an opener, I recommend asking her hey are you [insert name]? I think we had X class together in high school. After she responds be sure to introduce yourself and maybe shake her hand if it feels right. If it is her, talk about the class and what you have done after school. If it's not her you could say "you reminded of someone" or if your feeling bold "you remind me of a girl I had a crush on back in high school". Keep the conversation going by asking casual questions. Try to keep her talking let it flow and keep it casual/low pressure. If you know you are going to see her again tell her "see you again later" at the end of the conversation. If you feel like you are going to be able to see her consistently, maybe keep talking with her and get familiar with one another over a few interactions to increase your chances. You don't even necessarily have to ask for her number or anything yet if you know you'll get to talk to her again in person.

    After a few interactions and once you feel like you have established some mutual interest, say "so, [insert name] we should go out sometime". And then hope she says yes. If she does, then ask for her number. Be cool act confident and like you talk to people all the time. Be kind and relatable and don't come off as smug though. Have something planned ahead of time with a day and time and have alternative suggestions

    If your having trouble finding the courage to talk to her, that is completely normal. That initial interaction is always the hardest part. A technique that helps me is to get naked and stand in the shower looking up at the nozzle. Stare at the nozzle and say "Hey [insert name]" then turn on the water as cold as it will go and say "we should go out sometime" no fear no hesitation don't think just do it. Just do it no matter the outcome. You will regret it if you don't.

    I was in a situation very similar to yours. I followed all of that advice and when I did ask her out, she said she just wanted to be friends. However we met back up later and we are going out now. Having courage and taking initiative is very attractive and more rare these days. Go for it and be proud of yourself no matter what happens :D
     
    The Wrestler and TC10 like this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Act as if she's an old friend that you haven't seen in a while.

    Just say hey (name), we had this class together... be curious and interested about were she went after high school and what she does now.

    Don't make a big deal about it.
     
  4. W.I.P.

    W.I.P. Fapstronaut

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    @Abird

    Hey bro,

    Dont know how long you have been eyeballing this girl, (i think she knows) but the fact that she took a place closer to you might suggest that she's interested in you. Probably facing her own fears trying to talk to you.

    That right there was your biggest shot but you decided to go anti social mode and put on some headphones.

    Please promise me not to let an opportunity like that slip again.

    As for talking to her...

    Try asking about her study, if shes wearing headphones... ask her what music she likes. Find something you both enjoy and discuss that topic. Use what you see... tattoos have stories, in some cases do jewerly. Make a comment about her hair, all girls like that.

    Make some jokes along the way, most of them are easy to pull off. Let your guard down. Be who you are, not who you want to be.

    Trains stops??? You ask her number.
    After that, 1 easy text should get you on a date. " Really had fun with you on our way home, next time coffee at my place? Maybe we can talk about (insert topic you both like) so more.

    Sounds easy but it isnt i know.
    Sometimes you just have to YOLO.
    In case she says no, you can spend time on other girls.

    Either way its better to talk to her, right?

    W.I.P.
     
    TheBigBadWolf likes this.
  5. ZaBici

    ZaBici New Fapstronaut

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    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a life time"

    With that said though, it's only valid for the second part of your post, the first part is solid dick.

    Abird, it's best to know what you want and knowing you want to date her is half the job done. However.. don't let that hang in your mind or it will overcloud your judgement. Awkward silences arise from an unspoken train of thought / truth. When your mind tries to process "Hi how are you" + her reply and your "I want to date her, but how? holy shit i'm sweatingisshenoticing?" It tends to get overworked and scenarios like her saying "Dude, I know you, we had class together right?" and you replying "I'm good as well, thanks!" tend to happen.
    If you think you're at a point where "wanting to date her", is pushing hard on your mind, then the best way to open up is.. with that.! That's the reality (I mean it as, that's the line to follow), you may think, or may have read that you have to x and y to please / talk to a woman, but the truth is, believe me, you just have to be you. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, it's rather simple once you get it. I strongly advise against creating a persona which she "likes" only to ease her into who you really are afterwards. Think about it, you wouldn't want that happening to you either.
    Back to how you open, I didn't mean it as coming straight out you want to date her, that's just a fantasy of yours that needs to be connected with reality and see if you're actually that interested (maybe she's into killing children, I mean, you can't judge just by her hips) so instead just be open about you being interested in her.
    Also, practice something along with mirror talk, take deep breaths, calm your voice and relax yourself into the world. When you ask a question, wait for the answer otherwise don't ask. "Hi, how are you?" - wait, look around you, notice her, notice what she's doing. If you feel like smiling like an idiot, do it, because most likely you find her cute and want to rip clothes off and poney her into Valhalla, relax. You've had class together, you have a common "territory" but don't overuse it, it's nothing more than setting a familiar feeling; Again, don't forget to not beat around the bush, everyone senses that, it's what I first mentioned with "awkward silences". Be firm in what you want, take control of yourself.

    Hope it helps!
     
    TC10 likes this.
  6. If you know her and she has been sitting in the front and now has moved to the back were you sit its a good sign she wants you to talk to her. Go for it and don't overthink it she is moving toward you its a good sign
     
  7. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    Well it turns out I never had class with her, only when me and a friend tried to get 7th hour off by doing that class 3rd hour by joining the lesson in another class. That class was her class attending the biology course. So I'm thinking how do I still know her? I still know her name after all those years?

    I have trouble finding the courage to talk to her. I have no idea how to start without sound like a creep... Combine that with putting music on when she choose to sit on opposite of me (I made a fool to show im not intressed).....

    I hope can join you on an experience like this.


    Well it turns out I never had class with her, only when me and a friend tried to get 7th hour off by doing that class 3rd hour by joining the lesson in another class. That class was her class attending the biology course. So I'm thinking how do I still know her? I still know her name after all those years?

    In all those classes I can't imagine I spoke to her. I was shy in highscore as I'm a late bloomer and other guys already had gone through this stage. I dind't talk much to other people then my friends.


    Im asking myself the same question. I saw her after all those years and I felt in love. She looks so stunning, the way she walks. Then there was a bell ringing in my head that told me I know her. She did took a place closer, but I think its because there was space. She took her smartphone did some whatsapp on it, than when I put music on she started a phonecall.. Her body language was crossed foots pointed away.

    I know putting music on was the worst thing I could do. I think im too afraid of people judging me, calling me a creep if I approach them or something like that.
    I do like you mindset of making it seem very easy. I wish I could live up to that.

    "Let your guard down. Be who you are, not who you want to be." Yea I should do this,I never listen music in train. I have no idea why I did...



    Thanks for your advice! We did had a class together but its a little different than I thought. I explained in the answer of post I quoted.
    I do agree that looks shouldn't make you fall in love. But there is something about her that when I see her face I'm just gone. It gives me so much engery, it makes me so happy. And that's only with looking at her face. Any idea what that can be?


    I'm pretty good in overthinking. I also think she took another door to enter the train and walked a little to the back. Where I sit there were 3 other spots. 1 next to me, 1 on the oppoisite, and 1 on the opposite next to me. She took the one opposite next to me. You have to know that I took a seat at path so other seats are at window, meaning that you have to pass me to get to those seats. A lot of people don't do this, but she did. Now i'm thinking is it because she likes me? is it because she wanted to sit ? is it because she wanted to sit and knows me so the "pass barrier" isn't there.
    What do you think?
     
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  9. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    I still like @Mankrik 's advice. Start a conversation, ask questions with more than "yes" or "no" answers. Canadians have easy conversation starters because we usually apologise for something, then ask, "Hey, aren't you....?"
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  10. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    There can be something wrong with me , but isn't asking a girl out of the blue a pretty weird?

    Well that might be pretty hard. She always chooses a place where you ahve two seats, while i always chose a 4 seat spot. Just sitting next to her while there is plenty more space in train isn't weird?

    We also have to rush to get out of the train, because there is a train going in 10-30 sec blocking the path to exit the trainstation for 2-4 min. So yea we both rush out the train and after that we get our bike. She is away within 30 sec after the train has arrived, unless she has to wait 2-4 min.
     

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