What a beautiful use of Internet technology!

I decided to join NoFap today after hearing about it in this wonderful TEDx Talk that I stumbled upon today: "The great porn experiment" by Gary Wilson. Although, as one who today considers himself a religious person, I do understand that M is an unholy action, and that P is most definitely immoral -- but what particularly impressed me about this video is how it was entirely based upon scientific research and empirical evidence.

From an obviously biased and purely humanistic perspective -- as if it were OK to temporarily put aside religious and moral criteria -- I have never considered myself "addicted" to M or P. As a shy and lonely teenager too scared to to even approach girls, these were my only "real alternatives," and I think that my indulgence of this vice was quite "balanced" -- often succeeding for many consecutive months to avoid it completely, and even in my less successful periods, nevertheless remaining well within the "normative" range.

Still, as one who was educated about the gravity of committing this sin even once, I yearned for the time when I would be blessed with a wife and no longer have the excuse of "no other alternative." And indeed, I eventually somehow found myself miraculously married. More-or-less true to my word, I succeed for around the first 18 years (!) of marriage to completely avoid M, and with only VERY few and infrequent "peeks" at a tiny bit of P to try and gain some "inspiration" when operational problems with my "mechanical equipment" became increasingly challenging.

Very sadly, our marital bliss -- that was challenging enough to maintain from even the very first days -- has sunken to terrible lows for the past few years. And thus I am once again at the point where I feel that I have "no real alternative" but to temporarily "allow myself" a bit of balanced indulgence in M and P -- while praying for the marriage to heal.

I am hoping that joining this wonderful community will help me refrain as much as possible from these unholy and desensitizing acts.

 

Thank you, IGY.

It might be that I am in "denial," but IMHO it's all a matter of one's reference point.

If one truly holds a "zero-tolerance" policy that does not allow for ANY physical release outside of a proper relationship with a partner, then I would agree that any attempts to rationalize improper behavior are in reality evidence of an addiction.

But I think that demanding total abstinence from O from one who for whatever reason is not in a proper relationship is to demand almost super-human behavior and, except for truly exceptional people, cannot be realistically expected in a sustained manner.

Thus I prefer to view my statement as evidence that what is alive and kicking in my brain is a normal, biological, sex-drive -- and not an "addiction." And just as I would not be judgmental against a 14 year old kid who cannot realistically be expected to get married for at least another few years, or against a widower who has been suddenly left alone in this world, so too do I allow myself to understand myself during this prolonged period (where I feel that I am doing my maximum to try and save my marriage but my spouse is, for her own reasons, extremely belligerent).

What do you realistically see as my other options? Continued abstinence from O, for a possibly indefinite period? Or perhaps infidelity towards my wife by finding another partner -- just to avoid M?!

 

Ah, I just saw now the following, written on the About page and realize that perhaps we have mutually misunderstood each other:

Now, don't get me wrong: I am certainly not a pro-masturbation advocate! As one with strong religious beliefs, I do accept ("in my head") that M is wrong. All my previous points were saying is that, realistically, for most of those who are not in a proper relationship with a partner, and who are not super-human, there is room to understand and even empathize with their occasional indulgence of their biological need, as wrong as this might be religiously.

If the consensus here at NoFap is that:

• the thing that must be opposed is P,
• and that an inability to stay away from P -- even if only for relatively infrequent M -- is evidence of an addiction that must be battled

... then that is something that I can certainly agree with.

What say you on this?