Welcome to my problem

Hello everyone,

Call me Dimali but that is not my real name. Recently I started to look for more help and found NoFap. I am regularly masturbating and watching porn for about 10 years now, being 25. By porn I also mean images which don't even need to be explicit. Then on top of my normal "vanilla" orientation, there is this ridiculous kink that's driving me nuts: female bodybuilders (sthenolagnia). I really hate that it arouses me so much and whenever I indugle myself into this stuff I get terribly depressed. When I do it every day for a week, I even become suicidal.

I am a Christian and I take my faith serious. Masturbation is a sin and I want to stop it. I need to. Because my sexuality is for marriage. I am a single and still virgo, had a bad adolescence, mainly because of feeling rejected and getting into porn. Thank God that I don't seem to have PIED, but especially that kink is putting me down.

I have tried this and that, e.g. masturbating every two or three days with as little fantasies as possible and not going beyond that. It worked somewhat but I was quickly back to my old habits when I got distracted with other problems. Whenever I pushed myself too hard, it ended much worse. Also this kink is making workout problematic because it reminds me very much. I decided to cut my sports, only some exercises are OK. I am rather introverted and want to have more contact with other people. Write me a message if you have a similar problem or want to get in touch.

Despite all efforts I was never consequent enough. I always failed to make binding rules and I want to change that now. I want steadiness in my life, accountability. Not going to bed at 10pm one day and 4am the other. Replace bad habbits with better ones. In the end I want to make a lonely girl out there happy who wants to be loved by a man, the way she deserves it and not the way a porn addict does. Thanks that you are here to help each other. I mean it. I wish you all a great day and drop me a comment if you like.

By the way: I couldn't set up the counter because it says "Invalid Time". Is that a newly introduced bug?

 

Thank you. Your thoughts are right. I accept their dedication and efforts, while I don't think I like their motives. They seem purely selfish to me. But it doesn't matter, I am not here to judge them. Most importantly I need to see them as real people, you have absolutely nailed it. But this is more than just a decision, as we all know. I really wish to reach this point.

The last days I thought a lot about it all. There are some improvements already, but it is still a long way. After such a long time you don't believe in overnight miracles any more. I am still unsure about hardmore or softmode, but I will make my decision soon and analyse further what to avoid, what to do instead and more. This site has great info on these points.