We must endure, because the cost of defeat is everything

Hi everyone, norwegian 18yr old male here. I have been struggling with masturbation for several years now (started when I was 12) and my daily porn consumption has reached new heights lately. I have tried nofap several times and my longest streaks have been two 14 day streaks. If I am going to have any chance whatsoever at living a life that I am proud of, I have no choice but enduring these flames of Nofap and completely cease my porn consumption and masturbation. I have been spending around 1-5 hours on porn every day the last 5 years, which is around 3000-5000 hours in total. I want to cry when imagining how endlessly better my life could have been if I spent those hours on something good. All the opportunities and happiness it would have brought. All the needless suffering that could have been avoided. Today, I could have been looking at a well spent past and the future with bright eyes, with evidence backing up my hope for the future. Instead, I only see a past of several years of needless pain, suffering and stagnation, and I have to face a difficult future without evidence of any personal triumphs combined with having to deal with several porn-induced problems. I must say, I have filled my life with so much unnecessary suffering and missed out on opportunities that would have shaped my life in ways I can't imagine. I am done with this. Pornography and masturbation is the devil in disguise and I will not fall for her, not one more time. I will be brutal towards the devil, I will not hesitate when using force to keep her away. I will show no remorse for her. I will endure even the bloodiest, longest, cruelest and the most inhumane battles. The devils strength and capacity for evil is endless. We have to be monsters too when battling her. I know this will be hard, but the alternative is ABSOLUTE HELL. We have to do this, we have no choice. We must continue on the road of good and greatness. We must not succumb to our urges out of weakness, because weakness is only one of the gateways to hell. We must never edge, because when one flirts with the devil, he will be scared at how easily he falls in love with her. We must stay together, because the devil preys on lonely, isolated men. We must let the warmth from each other warm us through the day. We must always maintain our faith. We must and we will prevail. The good in our hearts is stronger than the devils temptations. I believe in all of you. I will pray for us every day. Must the goodness in our hearts shine bright all over the world and fill the darkness with hope.

 

Happy new years! It is definitely a marathon and as you say, big improvements are made up of small improvements that have accumulated. I got a bit invested when I started writing