We broke up. 3 years of relationship spoilt.i am miserable

Hey @Lost_knight_returning, I think it was good that you actually decided to admit your actions to your partner. The guilt you were feeling shows that you actually have some remorse for those actions which is important in the recovery process.

I think the most important thing you need to do right now is focus on your recovery from PMO. I don't know how active you've been in your recovery recently but you can't let your breakup send you back into a spiral of addiction.

Your partner is likely feeling a large amount of betrayal trauma right now. She trusted you and you threw that trust right back in her face. I should know I did similar to my wife. You can consider reaching out to her but be prepared that she possibly doesn't want to talk right now. If she does really try to listen and understand how it's affected her.

The best thing you can do for both of you is to get clean. You've got some incredibly strong motivation from how damaging your addiction has been on your life. Use that to help you be better. You could get back in the habit of writing a journal every day and doing other positive changes such as exercising, reducing Internet use, etc

I'd also consider reaching out to people in real life about how you are feeling. Depression really sucks and it's even more difficult to deal with when you are doing it on your own. You don't have to open up about your PA unless you feel ready to but in my experience it does help to take some of the shame away.

Good luck on your journey!

 

I echo what @JamesTheSquirrel said, and you said it yourself above. She wants somebody she can trust and somebody who loves and accepts her for who she is. You’re not that person when you’re an addict, but you can be! The decision she made is probably the best one for both of you at this time. My wife needed space from me when I told her the extent of my behaviour (which is similar to yours by the way). That space made a huge difference in my recovery and I wouldn’t be where I am now without that. My wife has said numerous times that she would have left if we weren’t married, and there’s still the chance that she will leave. That’s something I have to accept and use as a constant source of motivation.

You should do the same and use your girlfriend leaving as a source of motivation. Take this time to focus on being a new, better version of yourself! It sounds like you and your girlfriend still love each other and, if she sees you taking responsibility for your mistakes and showing real change, she might start to believe she can trust you again. I’m a million miles away from the person I was before recovery and, although I still make mistakes, I don’t carry the same amount of soul destroying shame that I had before because I know I’m trying to be better.