We are not what happened to us, we are what we choose to become.

Hi Dainel, welcome.

If you went 56 days PMO free, fantastic, (same with 86) you can do it again. I have seen a lot of guys go 90, and then the urge is gone forever, at least the urge you think you cannot beat. I am PMO free for 5 months, I am quit, I still get an urge, but much weaker and days between. I don't PMO, but I also have learned that in the beginning my dopamine drenched brain would make me feel like total shit to try and get me to use P again.

Three things: Get educated, use tools, and expect withdrawals.

Education. To beat the problem you have to understand the problem. Watch this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

I came to understand my brain had a problem. My brain loves dopamine. Best drug in the history of the universe. Dopamine is released to encourage us to eat and to have sex. When it comes to porn, our brain, specifically our brain's primitive chemical reward center, cannot tell porn from sex. It rewards both equally. But unlike sex, porn is free, effortless, easy, limitless, available 23/7, and so the brain comes to reward porn over sex, by the release of dopamine and other reward chemicals. With sex, if you are lucky, you get a dopamine rush a few times a week, but with porn, you can get that rush, in a few minutes, every day, multiple times if you want it. At the worst of my addiction I was PMOing every day, more than once. Once you understand what porn has done to those pathways you can work to rewire them back. It can be done, but it takes effort. Too many guys here think of quitting porn as a passive event, just not doing it. I tried and failed that way too. To be successful you have to get proactive; you can't just sit around "not doing it", you have to take steps to stop it. Porn is the problem. Porn is seeing it, thinking of it, watching it, edging to it, PMOing, remembering it, imagining it, and using porn substitutes (non porn that still triggers dopamine release). So, when quitting, don't just stop, do something about it. Use tools. Take control.

Tools. Posting here is a tool. It allows me to reeducate myself about my addiction. Reading posts and replying help me, so thank you for posting. Also, porn blockers. Yes, they can be gotten around, but that extra few seconds they slow you down gives you a moment to stop, ponder what you are doing (quitting), and NOT move on to the problem. There are other tools that other guys use here, so get educated about your options. Don't just say you are quitting, but do things that make yourself feel you are taking charge of the situation, that porn is not in control anymore, you are.

Withdrawals. These suck. There are why guys fail and get into that cycle of failing over and over and over. Withdrawals are your dopamine drenched brain betting, pleading, threatening, and punishing you for not giving it the dopamine release that porn causes. The pain will be mental, emotional, and physical. You mentioned jealousy. That is a rationalization. Rationalizations come with withdrawals. That is your brain trying to talk you into PMOing again, telling you why its OK, why its justified, why you deserve it. Punishing ourselves or others in our lives is a common rationalization for PMO relapse. The thing about withdrawals is they totally suck, and they take us to a place where we say, if this is how I am going to feel without PMO, I don't want to live this way. But, they will not last. It sucks to go through them, but it is necessary to go through them. You will not get from where you are to PMO free without going through them, so I came to embrace the idea of suffering through the withdrawal, of wanting it, of wanting to suffer through it. The thing is, once your brain quits trying to convince you to give it a dopamine rush, and accepts its going back to normal pre porn dopamine levels, it gets way better. Once your brain is back to normal, that is only rewarding the things it is meant to reward, the withdrawals go away. It won't happen in a day, but I see guys staying PMO free for over 11 days who begin to look forward to a PMO free life, and not backward, wanting the PMO release.

Good luck on your journey. Thanks for helping me by giving me the opportunity to respond.

Peace.

 

What a thoughful post from such a young guy. Kudos to you for taking on this challenge. Because you've been on this road for awhile and havent given up, I'd challenge you to stop viewing any slip-ups as failures and see them for what they should be - chances to learn and grow.

Each slip happens for a reason. There are triggers you have that can range from boredom to built up stress that hasnt been dealt with properly. Porn is your outlet and your escape from these things.

Triggers lead to rationalization. For me, if I don't stop a trigger by analyzing why I feel a certain way, and it turns to rationalizing a PMO session, it's too late for me. I have to be hyper-vigilant in what I'm thinking about and doing.

I'm going to see attractive girls, and my mind will begin on its path to lustful thoughts - that is a given. I am not trying to stop that completely because that's foolish. What I CAN do is decide how I react to these triggers. Will I dwell on them and begin to fantasize or will I decide to create new habits for how to react? The choice is mine, and the choice is yours.

I have nurtured PMO for 20 years; growing it up from a simple childish toy into a supernatural beast that controls me. I can't expect to defeat this thing (that knows me so well!) in one sitting, or in one day, or even in one year. It's going to take time to tear this thing down, brick by brick.

And I'm going to do it, too. One day at a time. Every day, this monster does everything in its power to coerce, manipulate, lie, cheat, and rationalize its way back into my life. And I cant say no to it for the rest of my life. That's just not possible for me. But I CAN say no to it today, and hopefully I can do the dame tomorrow.

For me, it's exactly the same as the story of a man who was an alcoholic and could not stop drinking. He knew he had to stop, but he just couldnt. His sponsor asked him, "Can you commit to not having a drop of alcohol for a year?"

"No way, not a chance," said the alcoholic.

The sponsor said, "Well how about a month, or even just a week?"

"I MIGHT be able to do a week," he replied.

"OK, then how about just today?"

"Sure. I can do today, if I really set my mind to it," said the alcoholic.

"Good, then I'll ask you the same question tomorrow."

So the true question is, can you quit for today?