Hey, all! New guy here. Signed up for NoFap a few weeks ago and have been looking at the Panic Button almost every day -- even when I'm not tempted to relapse! I love reading the reddit posts on there especially. But I haven't posted on the forums yet... so here I am now. I'm 22, almost ready to graduate college. Long story short, I discovered PMO very gradually starting around age 11. It wasn't awful at first. I enjoyed the sensations, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that what I was doing wasn't right. In middle and high school I'd do it, feel extremely guilty and be clean of it for months, but eventually do it again. Repeat. For a while, I never thought what I was looking at was "porn." I'd always assumed porn required nudity and/or actual sex. Whereas, most of what I've looked at has been what's classified as "softcore," so I thought it couldn't be all that bad. I know now that that's bullshit. It's still porn. It leads to the exact same thing. Loneliness. Lack of energy. Self-hatred. Misery. Years later, I got on a streak of almost two years. Then I met a girl and fell for her harder than any crush I've had. I've never had a girlfriend and I thought this was finally my time. Took ages, but I finally got the guts to ask her out. To my utter shock and delight, she said yes. We went on two dates but then mutually decided it wouldn't work out (still friends, though, thankfully). Stupidly feeling it was my destiny to be alone, I fell back into PMO, and it gradually got more and more frequent than it ever was before (one or two week streaks max). Wondered if my habit was on its way to becoming an addiction, and finally decided to check out NoFap. I've been on a streak now for almost a month, but just today I came pretty close to relapsing. I'm shocked at my own weakness sometimes... I've been feeling fantastic over the last couple of weeks: more energy, more at peace with graduation looming before me, more social, more desire to be confident, etc. And yet I'm still being mercilessly tempted to go back to those pixels and feel pleasure for a few minutes before everything comes crashing back down. I'm more determined than ever to finally break this. I want to become the man I'm called to be. I want to start exercising. I want to be more confident. I want to meet a woman whom I love more than anyone on this green earth and eventually be a husband and father. I want to love people and live life to the best of my ability. PMO is keeping me from all of that and it's time for a change. Anyway, I'm happy to be here and I salute all of my fellow Fapstronauts! Godspeed!
Welcome. And congratulations on 25 days! Glad you are here. Take some time to read the reboot material and come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good advice, so don't skip it! Perhaps start writing a journal - if you feel comfortable telling people about happened and what's going on now, you will start to feel accountable to them. You may even inspire others. It's a nice feeling! This will help your recovery. Also, try to add something into your life that makes you the kind of person who doesn't engage in PMO. Think about doing: Something you enjoy Something you're good at Something important Something for somebody else, without thought of reward (and if you DO get an unintended reward, do something ELSE, perhaps for a different person or group). Read the journals of others - we all learn from each other. For example, I received the above good advice from a far more experienced member of the community who shared his knowledge. Don't just stay within your own age group or part of the world. Share your knowledge in a respectful way. Read, learn, apply. Look around the forums, get to know people. Everyone is friendly, and will try to support you. We're all in the same boat here. Be kind to others and others will be kind to you, both here and IRL. I wish you a successful reboot.
Thanks a ton, man! I wish I'd read your post sooner... relapsed today. But I'm not giving up. I like the idea of starting a journal here, and thanks again for all your other advice. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this.
