Watching movies or reading books which present a sex scene is a relapse?

Absolutely not. It's all about intent. Are you watching/reading in order to get aroused? Well that's what you're trying to avoid, abusing your own lust, and you know what you're really up to if you're honest with yourself.

Watch this video by Jordan Peterson to understand some mechanics of addiction:
(Crucial part at min. 3:12)

Basically he's saying you get triggered into arousal by a multitude of situations. In order to normalize your behavior in regards to sexuality you need to go through all sorts of triggers, like reading books with explicit content or watching movies/ads, and then NOT dive into the whole tease/arousal game. You need to reteach your brain how to interpret those triggers. You can't do that if you just avoid all of them, you have to go through them at some point or another.

Now I'm specifically talking about "normal life situation triggers" like books, movies, ads, women on the street, sexy profile pictures on social media etc.
I'm not talking about watching actual porn and resisting it, that's useless. Porn is designed for arousal only!
The other triggers however don't have arousal as their main objective, they try to tell a story instead or sell you something. That's how you tell them apart.

Hope that helps.

 

Thank you for this video. What a great explanation of addictive behaviors and brain circuits. It is so true that our intention is very important. If we are seeking arousal and find it, then the potential to head down the old addictive brain path is increased. Being aware of why we are engaging in a behavior is more important than the behavior. It's all about the why.

 

I've been tripping on this guy for over a year now. His Maps of Meaning lectures are complete mind-blowers as well as his lectures on the psychological significance of the bible. My favorite motivational video of him is this one: