Waiting Until Marriage For Sex

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Jbg123qb, May 16, 2019.

  1. Jbg123qb

    Jbg123qb Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,
    Are there any other middle 20 - early 30 year old males who are also still virgins who can relate to me? I am personally waiting until marriage for a number of reasons, but I definitely want to have the most special connection with my future spouse. I'm currently 25, and while I have a lot of urges to have sex, I am not acting on them because I have it under control. What I am most concerned about is this notion that I have become obsessed with. I am currently exploring several potential female interests, i.e. meeting them/becoming good friends. I'm in the early stages of a relationship. Yet, as I mentioned, I have this idea in the back of my mind that is causing me a lot of distress. For some reason, for the last few weeks, I've been focused on thinking constantly about how I am not going to be getting married - probably until my late 20's. Say 28 or so. And I can't stop stressing about how I won't have had sex until then. I feel like I'm wasting time and my "younger years." Maybe I'm buying into the notion that the best sex is young sex. I was reading the other week on here where some people were encouraging a much older virgin that his 30s could be some of his best years sexually with whomever he ended up meeting. I have to wait, for personal reasons, religious reasons, and just because I want my first time to be something amazing on my honeymoon. I read that the first time is psychologically important...so if it is with your wife, you are building an amazing relationship. You won't persuade me to go out and have some random hookup to satiate this desire, but hopefully some other guys can assure me that waiting until I am a little bit older isn't going to be something I'll regret. I want to get my mind back and focus this spent energy on a girl. And of course it's so much more than just having sexual relations, I find myself longing for affection, for someone to love, for someone to cook for....take care of, serve, hang out with, be best friends with, exercise with, hold hands with, snuggle in bed with, kiss, etc.... I want what I see my brothers have and achieved at a much younger age...happiness. I also seem to struggle with comparing myself to others who have a completely different life...but that's another struggle I suppose.
    Any encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.
     
  2. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    I don't see the appeal of waiting for marriage. I feel like these days most women will want to try before they buy too aha.
    Each to their own though. Have to respect the restraint. Gang Gang.
     
  3. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I appreciate your honesty and patience. Keep going if you are truly convinced with what you do. I am a virgin 28 and I have decided since years to abstain from random sex for the same reasons as yours. Actually religious reasoning helps a lot. I wish you all the best a life filled with love and happiness. The day will come when you will meet someone who cares for you and loves you for real just don’t pay attention to social pressure spreading false ideas about virgins
     
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  4. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, those are very valid thoughts/feelings. I am a single 26 year-old man and not a virgin. I’ve only had a couple of sexual partners. I cant say that I regret or that I am glad for it. What I can say is that your thoughts are admirable. You seem like a true gentleman and a great man. I think that waiting for marriage is a smart thing to do. You seem like you have values which is rare to see in men nowadays. As a man of faith, you know that it’s God’s timing. The right girl will come your way soon or later. That’s my hope. I say that as long as you are honest to yourself first. Do you want a life that resembles your values? Or give in to temptation or social pressure. I feel you on comparing to others. Just remember that we see mostly the best side of people and relationships. In my opinion, guys should work on themselves before marriage because we all know the high divorce rate. You seem like you know yourself and you work on yourself. The woman who God sends you will value that. Focus on yourself and in God. I wish you strength and the wisdom for the right answer.
     
  5. Gav5

    Gav5 Fapstronaut

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    You are doing the right thing by remaining celibate until marriage. Don't follow those who would discourage you from staying the course.
     
  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I am not religious and I probably wouldn't wait until marriage but I would like to be with someone I would like to marry.
     
  7. Jbg123qb

    Jbg123qb Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the sincere reply. As you are even a little bit farther along than me at 28, do you struggle with the "what if" notion. I know for me - I don't want my first time to be when I'm 30. I think my reboot that I am undergoing, not for PMO addiction but just for MO addiction has got my emotions all out of whack.
     
  8. Jbg123qb

    Jbg123qb Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the insight and encouragement...seems you have mixed emotions about your sexual encounters in the past. Maybe we could talk some more about that, if you'd be willing?
    Of course I am telling the truth on an anonymous forum, but that anonymity allows me to be more open and candid than I might normally be as a more reserved and shy guy. But I feel like it's harder to know or see in real life if girls appreciate the qualities you guys think are so admirable and special. I think I'm trying to rush something that is out of my control because I want it now.
     
  9. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I’d be willing to talk about that but maybe another day or another way. That way I can better explain myself.

    I cant speak from experience. Maybe once I start dating I will be able to(after 90day no PMO). I think that the right woman will see and value wanting to be intimate until marriage. I think you are right about rushing things. I feel that way sometimes too. I want a wife and kids like everyone else around me. But I am not ready for that financially or emotionally. Im working on myself and my relationship with God. That’s why I’m on here. Girls might want to have sex with you but that says a lot about where they stand. If a girl wants to get to know you and spend time with you then that says another thing.
     
  10. Jbg123qb

    Jbg123qb Fapstronaut

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    As for your first point, we can message privately about it when you’re ready.

    I agree with a lot of what you said. I feel I have work to do as well. I want a wife and children for a number of reasons, but I need to be sure that I am ready financially and emotionally as well. I can only think of a couple girls in my past who were trying to go too far. Looking back now, I see it clearly. The girls I’m interested in now I feel are also looking for the qualities I have mentioned that I want to offer as a male spouse. I’m still struggling with waiting and the ideas of my peak years going by, even though I know deep down it’ll be best for me. I think my first time will still be amazing because I’ll have nothing to compare it to. Is this an unrealistic fear to think I’ll be unable to perform?
     
  11. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, lets talk about my past experiences and current thoughts on them in private.


    I think you have a valid fear about not being able to perform. However, i think that if you are with the right woman that is going to be the last thing she cares about. She is already going to be in love with you and like you and how you are while intimate can always be improved (if you even need to at all). She will most likely be understanding and willing to help. I feel that with a man of your values, being good in sex is not what makes you a man. What makes you a man are your values and your moral and emotional strength. It’s also reasonable to think that your peak years are passing by but you are young. You are working to be a better you and that’s great. That will make the rest of your peak years better and more fulfilling. That’s what I hope happens for me too. About a year ago I had serious anxiety and thoughts about where is my life going. But working on my self and focusing on my faith has calmed those fears. Now I am more hopeful and positive.
     
  12. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I think it will be easier when you will be more rebooted. I also think that having loving partner helps with waiting until marriage. For mang of us sexual urges are connected to lack of love and appreciation.
     
  13. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    well i feel you and im 27 already, virgin and no gf yet and ofc i thinking alot abbout it including why dont i satisfy myself with prostitute or am i gona be maried, still it troubling my mind

    and yeah i feel that my youngger day are wasted (credit goes to porn and online gaming) hell yeah

    but you know when im thinking abbout it i can afford a prostitute, i have money,,, i can afford to buy premium porn no problem for me but thats a fake love i dont want it (thanks for nofap user that encourage me) ,,, i wana have a real mariage

    you know in my religion it tells us abbout simmiliar to karma on marriage, it says that good man for good woman, bad man for a bad girl and its prohibited for women to marry man (who go to prostitute, and doin adultery, vice versa) so ofc for me mariage is the only way to loose virginity and i encourage you too

    so you 25 ? at least you 2 years youngger than i,,,,u have way more time to be better than me on this subject

    you know what im doin right know? im makin myself a better person...im exercise regulary, strugling at nofap. develop a new habbit, triying my best on my job... i believe that someday i will meet her (my future wife) and i want to become a husband that she proud of
     
  14. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

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    Struggling with this too. There's a girl I'm talking to a bit now that I know would do it with me. I still consider myself a virgin, though I had a close sexual experience before. I am between two worlds. I'm 24. I wanna do the right thing and save myself for my future spouse, and not give myself away. Something that always stuck with me was what someone told me about you don't want to give yourself away to so many different people, because by the time you're ready for the person to settle down with, you won't have much left to give.
     
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  15. miawcat

    miawcat Fapstronaut

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    My friend, you are not alone and I was so glad that I found that I am also not alone :D. I am 28 y/o and virgin with the same thought as you. I am in a constant battle with my desire of sex and end up doing PMO with the reasoning that I could save myself from sex before married.
    I think religious perspective will help a lot to restrain the urge. However, there will be time when you are tested. My suggestion for you is to really think what you want out of your sex life. I always think that whatever your age is, the first time would be the best time. Some people would argue that physically you could be wearing out. But I wonder that having a healthy sex life while all of my values fulfilled would be peace in my heart. I am not sure about your current situation, but if you can married before 28, then do it. However, marriage (at least for me) consist of various complex things and you need to be prepared.
    In my case, i am struggling with my career and it also makes me anxious and devastated on how can I marry someone with this condition. It is a constant battle nowadays but I believe there will be ways. Identify your situation and I believe you can work it out.

    Cheers my friend.
     
    Freedom_from_PMO likes this.
  16. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    Keep in mind that being strict on this topic filters out a lot of women unfit for marriage.
     
  17. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

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    Can you explain further? So you're saying it'd be much better to wait?
     
  18. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I can't speak for subOP, but waiting for marriage is a very good sign of having control over sexuality and strong morals. Statistically less sexual partners before marriage equals less probablity of a divorce.
     
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  19. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

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    Which makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing. Trying to seek in all the encouragement to wait, when I definitely have my days I am intentionally seeking it out.
     
    MadJackMcMad likes this.
  20. Strength in me

    Strength in me Fapstronaut

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    Hey! We're on the same boat. I also have the same thoughts like you. I'm in my early 20s and I'm a virgin too. My reason to have sex was to finally experience it (also to get clarity of my sexuality but that's another topic).

    So I'm also stuck between those two things "before" and "when"-married. And this question have been going on and on.

    On some days I end up fantasizing about how my first time would be. On other days I think about having my first time after marrying. It's a jumping from one to another.

    I have passed by this log and it's interesting what other had to say. I'm agreeing with the words that my bros said. I can recommend you to save it for your marriage. With someone you truly love and feel comfortable with.

    I would consider myself a shy guy too and imagining to have sex with a girl which I just met makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I think the most important thing is the connection we "shy" guys will seek. And this will require a deep and healthy (!!!) relationship.

    At the end it will be your decision which way you will go but I hope that you will find the most suitable and fulfilling result!
     

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