Virgin in my 30's: Am I a loser ?

I haven't read through all the pages, but hear me out.

There is no specific time frame to have your first sexual experience. Think about other things we do or learn in life and if it HAS to be done at a specific age. Ill give you some examples from my or my relatives lives:

I learned to drive at 22 or 23 even though most of my friends had their drivers license on their 18th birthday. Sure it was impractical at times but I just didn't have the money or time to do it. Then after I got it for a job it didn't matter at all I was "late". Not to me not to anyone else.

My mother learned how to ski in late 40s. We moved as a family into the mountain area, now quite a while ago, and we lived in a city for years before that. All of her friends of similar age said they wouldn't do it, even some that didn't know how to ski themselves. Guess what? She can now ski like everyone else and loves every minute of it. I learned to snowboard with 16 or so even though my new classmates were pretty much born with Ski on their feet. Sure I couldn't keep up with all of the at the beginning but I got better over time and, well, it didn't matter.

Not having sex "soon enough" puts a pressure on us because of how society treats sex frivolously all the while, imo, it should be something intimate that two people share. Two people that know each other well and trust each other and they both fell like they want to express their trust and love physically because everything that can be said or done has been said or done.

I don't know you but from the short post I dare a guess that you trust too soon. Start meeting people again and try to like them first. I'm an advocate of love that has to has to flourish after both partners spent time nourishing each other feelings.

The important thing is: leave your home, look for things that you like and meet with people you can talk about it. Don't internalize it.

 

You are a virgin in your 30s. Check this out:

1) You don't have emotional baggage to carry around from failed relationships
2) No one has cheated on you
3) You don't have any unwanted kids
4) You don't have any STDs/STIs (see #3)

Points 1-4 are a massive load off of you mentally and possibly financially.

 

Hey man, Jesus was a virgin for thirty years.

 

Bra, I've had sex a couple of times, those times it was not enjoyable because I could not last on a girl that long. I guess masturbation was the main reason. Also looking back I always had pressure from friends to have sex with girls. Sex is a whole different game man, It's for the fully matured person. Advice would be to mingle with girls, do the simple stuff like kiss, hugging, holding hands just being able to touch girls comfortably.

 

I respect you man, I lost my virginity at 18 to a fat stupid hooker and I totally regret it. I have learned to have some criteria and not going for girls I don't like, out of desperation.

 

Hi OP, you are definitely not a loser. It might sound weird but I am 30, newly married and still a virgin.

I only had 2 girlfriends, and I never had sex with any of them. The main reason was due to religion as we believe should be between married couples. As I was only married in Registry of Marriage, and not in church, my marriage is recognised by state and not by church. Hence, no sex for me yet.

As for dating, I took the courage to put myself out there by going for speed dating events and meetup events. Yes I got rejected a lot! However those ladies who gave me their numbers, I definitely made the effort to bring them out and get to know them. Naturally most didn't work out after 1 date but such is life. Sometimes getting rejected can strengthen you and your resolve. However it made me prioritise the girl instead of myself. Not prioritising myself allowed me to be hurt and led on in relationships that have no fruit.

Learn to treasure and love yourself OP, for you are definitely loveable! Allow yourself to try new hobbies, go for events you always wanted to, take small steps and eventually you will have courage to take the big steps.

 

You are not a loser by any mean. I also lost my virginity late. I also don't get a lot of women. But hopefully, we will make it.

 

You are loosing on a sex life, soon you will be too old to have any. Call it as you want to tho