Hello everyone i’ve been a veteran wanker. My first wank was at the age of 9 when I sat down by my older brother computer and found some intresting stuff. Down the road I was charismatic with the ladies and felt most my childhood like a little man/dad. Qualities like assertiveness, good friendships, respect for authority (teachers as well) and sports. All this self image was built on me wanking at least once a day. It was more cassual than brushing teeth, just get it out. At the age of 15 I got a lot of attention, but was getting too damn shy and awkward, although introvertet this was not an image I built my character. Also I started to become weaker at sports although I still envissioned myself as a lion on the sports field and out of it. *Only at 25 I read that lions have sex only once a year (season) So I was more like a tough hamster Anyway at 17 with my first gf lost virginity and already could not finish without a proper mother fucker hardcore monkey fucking perversions. Poor girl At 19 I experianced manic depression and anxiety till the f-in roof. There was a painfull moment when I kind I felt I lost myself completely. Sudden pain in head and I felt like zooming out omyself from my body. It was a nervous brake down. Somehow I went through 2 years of computer science in the uni (a few times massaging one out before exams to lover anxiety) Then at 21 I reached out to psychotherapist to lower down my anxiety. Fortunatly, I he was possibly the most caring and devoted professional. Over the next 4 years we talked through almost everything that has hurt me except the thing that really was causing this - excess mastrubation. A few times touching this topic, but I dont know why it was so shamefull to talk about. Also, I dont take any medications, you get better by talking through. Only some supplements mentioned in this great forum to kick start my full ball/testosterone body Also I did a over-exercising as still trying to compete, but always felt not healed nor rested. Because of the pain tolerance in sports this pushed me and my delusions and I felt a lot that I was not part if the space and time as everyone else. Anyway, during this period had some short term hook ups, but not real relationship. At 25 reached one time 21 days of celibacy with the help of going cold swiming Then once after 10 days of celibacy I started hanging out with a smoking hot armenian girl from work. At around day 30 we had awesome new years sex. The releationship lasted 4 months. I told about this and she was supportive but it did not work out for us. We had great sex at day 15 (arguing + period), but all in all I did not have enough “juice” for her and for my work. Covid-19 started and we broke up. Soon after I went through a small streak 17-19 days and then rubbed one out in the evening with a soft highly sensitive willie (first time) After this I’m in day 44. In this time I became a member of my countries voluntary National Guard and in a 4 weeks am going to military training for 21 day. So this tactic is good for getting days up. Im struggling with execution of some of my plans, but one is when returning from the military to get solution architect certification done (MS-300) which is not expected from me at work. Also I finished one EU Solidarity corps project at Red Cross Youth and have my personal charity place we have created. additionally at work Im organizing urban hiking with a goal to find and report the best hiking routes in the city. On the goal side - buy a few things car, apartment, motorcycle and possibly go to on a road trip before settling down if I can work remotely. They say it’s not possible but those who search usually find a way Of course, Im fishing here for support. But the biggest worries are when can I return back in relationship? I think with extra activity for society and therapy I have shortened the symptoms and quickened my recovery.
