These past few weeks following my 84 day streak I've been relapsing daily. I've been having profound hormone fluctuations (puberty I guess) through which I've discovered a new low in my mood. I've been getting further and further away from God. I've tried to cover up my misery through excessive videogame and social media use. I'm obsessed with my looks. I notice each and every imperfection on my face, and feel so ugly and undesireable. I wonder who will ever want to be with me. Will I be alone for the rest of my life? I've also had a bad haircut recently which hasn't helped. There's this girl I really like in my class which is also a close friend. We share hobbies and interests, but she is introverted (which makes it hard to really know how she feels) and very good looking (I feel like she's "too much" for me). I talk to a lot of girls in class but just as friends. Nothing more. I feel alone sometimes. I'm surrounded by friends, but I don't feel like they really understand me. They don't know what I'm going through and some of them even joke about my face and physical appearance. I'm not fat or anything - quite the contrary, really - but my face is just asymmetrical and I have a big forehead. Those types of jokes get to me real bad and lower my mood significantly. The school year in my country is wrapping up soon. I'm in the top 2 best students in my year at school, and voted one of the best classmates and overall people of my class. However, I have only gotten that high up through a constant grind and solid discipline throughout the year. I'm just exhausted and want everything to end. That's it, I guess. I'll update you if anything new comes up.
