Awake at 2:40 AM, feel like the temptation to m is off the charts. P thoughts race through my mind. Balls kind of hurt, but not real bad. Did some prayer. Cuddled up to my wife. In both cases, it sort of helped, but didn't stop the intensity, which just kept on and on and on. Dreamed about being awake in the same condition that I was in when awake! Finally daylight came and I got up. Here is the thing,however. You might think I was an inch away from relapsing. I wasn't. Tempted yes, but the way I see it is simple. I truly feel it is suicide for me to do pm. In some ways even worse, because I don't know exactly what becomes of my essence when I die. I do know what happens when I pm, and all I can say is: no more. Not going to voluntarily do that. For me, one of the primary things is going into victim mode. Poor me. the other is to lie about it, and the last is deny anything bad is happening, even in the face of all evidence to the contrary. Thanks for reading.
I know the feeling. I've gone to sleep with pretty intense pain down there before as well. The good thing is, when you get up, it's pretty much gone, and you realize that you won that battle. Great job! Keep it up!
True, it morning now here, and that pain is gone. I feel a bit woozy from lack of sleep, but that will pass. Thanks for the encouragement.
