Uncertain

Hi there, I'm new here too. I've struggled on and off for years. The times I have desensitised myself with lots of porn have been the times the I have felt less attracted to sex with my wife, so I'm trying to get completely PMO free. I've also noticed that the shame I feel when using P has separated me emotionally from my wife, and even friends at times too, as shame makes me feel unworthy of intimacy. All the best on your quest!

 

Welcome to the forum. Many people with addictions have underlying mental health issues. Addicts use events/images/objects to alter, medicate, sooth, numb, or escape from negative emotions. It can be as simple as boredom or loneliness, as serious as childhood trauma, or to medicate underlying mental health problems such as depression or anxiety.

When we PMO we release massive amounts of dopamine into our bloodstream which gives us an excited feeling and makes us feel alive... which is what depressed people are looking to do. When we climax opioid-like chemicals are release which makes us feel calm and content... which is what anxious people are looking to do. We might have started looking at porn out of curiosity and because it was novel and exciting, but our brains learned how to hijack this process for other purposes. We use it to medicate ourselves, as a reward system, as a coping mechanism, to escape, or as entertainment.

We develop a physical and emotional dependency on our addiction. And when we try to get rid of it the symptoms suddenly get much worse because we've essentially stopped taking our 'medicine'. Sometimes people need to see a real doctor and get on the right kinds of medication to treat the root cause.

Start a journal. Find an accountability partner. Educate yourself at www.yourbrainonporn.com. Identify your physical and emotional triggers. Start addressing the underlying problems...not just the symptoms. Replace the void porn will leave in your life with other hobbies and interests. Avoid 'auto-pilot mode', don't browse the internet aimlessly or while you are tired. These basic steps should get you started on your journey to recovery.

 

None of us can answer that question. A normal person will start to feel less depressed an anxious after obstaining from PMO. Each day a person stays clean should make them feel better about themselves... they should no longer feel guilt, shame and embarrassment. As they talk with their wives and disclose their deep, dark secrets they feel relief as well.

Some feel the effects within the first week. Some need to wait longer. Some are able to fill the void that porn used to occupy with healthy things and they feel much better. Some don't try to fix underlying emotional issues and they suffer longer. Some married couples feel closer than ever during their recovery. Some married couples feel like there's a vast chasm between them.

If there is an underlying mental heath issue... if your brain is chemically out of balance... then you might not 'feel' better even though you stopped PMO. You need to gauge how you feel throughout your recovery. There is no shame going on medication to help you through the toughest part of your life. Porn is an unhealthy crutch... medication is a legitimate necessity for some.

I felt very irritable, angry, anxious, and tense during the first few weeks. Then I had a low grade depression for a few weeks where I felt empty and bland. It turned out that was a phase some people go through as well.

Sorry if these answers sound vague, but everyone's recovery looks different. Start a journal and record your thoughts and feelings. Include questions that others in the community can answer. No matter what you do, cutting out porn is the best thing you can do for your mental health.