Turning to prostitutes instead of PMO

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Enderswish604, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. The Strategist

    The Strategist Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answers, @Enderswish604 !

    Are you comfortable with the idea of removing this escape completely? Or do you feel that you need this escape and that you probably won't be able to cope if you remove it?

    Are you thinking about sex regularly? Do you stare at women's body parts? Do you engage in sexual fantasies when you go to bed? Is sex a high priority in your life?

    Do you want to start doing that now?

    What can you do on a daily basis, starting today, that will get you closer to that goal?
     
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  2. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    YES, I believe that through the complete removal of these self destructive outlets, even if I go through a temporary period of struggle and even downright misery (which honestly won't even last more than 30 days, based on prior experience) is way more than necessary for me, it's not about whether or not I'd be "able to cope" without them. If I need such disgusting things to deal with having a good life albeit somewhat stressful or exhausting at times (but whose isn't?) Then really something deep inside me needs fixing.
    I do not at all believe or subscribe to the notion that all of us have "justifiable" fetishes or that what I did is simply out of pure lust. If it were as simple as that, then the guilt, the apprehension at the notion of having done such deeds, even the "experience" of it, shouldn't feel so traumatising. But for me, it does. To me that means that this behaviour is just the product of the self loathing and other negative traits I harbour that I have neglected to deal with. As it brings out in me the very worst of emotions towards myself.
    I cannot and, God Willing, will not continue in this sickening pattern.

    I don't think so, not more than any other addict, I just let the thoughts die down naturally before cutting them up through an intervening thought, as I find that helps more than trying to suppress them. No, I do regularly get erections in bed and morning wood (sorry, TMI probably), but I take that as a sign of good health at my age, not as a sign of "I must have sex".
    I make it a point to not ogle women, it's disrespectful. If my eyes catch a fetching woman, then I try to not be a creep and look away and lower my gaze as soon as I "can" (although sometimes I wish I'd do it sooner), still I try to offer a prayer for them and for their beauty which is a God Given Blessing/Gift. So that any ill thoughts in my mind can be mitigated.
    I have recently (especially on my last attempt to kick this addiction) given an increased concentration on what sex or sexuality means to me. I no longer hold the generic notions of its "pleasures" or "relaxations" or "euphoria". NOT having sex till I marry IS of utmost importance to me (if that sounds hypocritical to what I've done, I know -_-" ).
    And even marriage, I do not want to give focus to the primal, animalistic orgasm focused sex, I want for it to be deep, and connecting - sensual and amazing for both too, lol - but on a much more emotional level than the gasping for air ironman challenge-like stamina bouts that are portrayed as "healthy" sexual relations between man and wife.
    YES, I need to start right now, I don't want this to just be a lofty goal of self-deluded altruism. I need for it to be my reality. I am willing to eventually forego all that may hold me back from this path, but even now there is so much more I need to do for reviving my spiritual connection with God. I read my Holy Book properly after a long time today. It almost brought me to tears, I had to forcibly hold them back because I was in public. It gave me peace, and guidance. And I want to keep this habit going forward, no matter what. And also to just pray more consciously and talk to God more often, and once again, to start working towards understanding Him, His Truth, and His Love. There's loads to do.

    I know that in the future days may come where I may become lethargic and am constantly thinking about orgasm or sex, and find that I am doing allthe wrong thins again. But, God Willing, if and when I catch myself doing that, this time around. I will, God Willing, make it a point to shove my face back in this thread and see all that I've written here.
    Thanks a lot brother @The Strategist , this back and forth has helped me immensely to gain clarity again over what I hold dear, what my real motivation is, and also has given me a perspective into this perverted new twist of my addiction that so far just filled me with deep guilt, shame and regret. It's given me clarity. Thanks for this. It's helped a lot. :)
    May God Guide Us All.
     
  3. The Strategist

    The Strategist Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome, that was precisely my goal, for you to get clarity.

    It seems to me that you're acting out primarily out of the addiction (brain changes) and not because of fears or beliefs surrounding sex.

    I can tell you that in my case I have a lot of work to do regarding the psychological brainwashing I've received from porn. Unfortunately, "sex with hot chicks" is very high in my life priorities.

    Anyway, I wish you the best in your recovery. Feel free to contact me if you want another "back and forth" with me.
     
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  4. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    I hope you find your way through the brainwashing too brother, indeed this has been tremendously helpful, if need be, I'll take you up on your offer. Also feel free to hit me up if you need to talk about your struggles too, I'd appreciate being able to help as well. God Bless you and everyone here. May He Guide Us all on the Straight Path.
     
  5. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut


    Dude..I get what you are saying...I sometimes feel the same. I don't visit brothels because that you mean I have to spend my hard earned money for a short moment of pleasure. However, there is not a single day when I dont have the urge to visit brothels and play out my fantasies (BDSM). I use a lot of my willpower to control myself.
     
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  6. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    Stay strong brother, this is first-hand advice; there is nothing worse than the guilt that follows from playing out a twisted perverse fantasy. You do not want it, nor do you need it, EVER. It is only the addicted mind that scatters to seek out these things as it desperately tries to NOT change for the better.
     
  7. LookUp

    LookUp Fapstronaut

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    This may seem strange, but a lot of the time I was a practicing alcoholic, I couldn't control my car. I would turn down that road they were on, even at the last minute when I had no intention of doing it. That's addiction brother, and a dangerous one. I had the same unsafe habits because I was drunk and or stoned all the time. I even got busted for soliciting a police woman once. If I had been straight it would have registered that everything was wrong...too pretty..she solicited me when I rolled down the window, and she already had a room..#13...police have a sick sense of humor. They stole my revolver out of the car or the tow company did. None of this stopped me. When I hit the bottom with my drinking and went through the 12 steps of AA I quit turning down that road. How I never caught anything, I will never know. I'm pretty sure a 12 step SA group can help, but I have been hesitant to go share this with a group face to face.
    I was getting really close to calling a transgendered pro so I'm glad my wife asked me and I admitted I was doing PMO. Not fun, but stopped me before I went into a really dark place. I know the minute I was done I would hate myself as I did in the past.
     
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  8. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    I can relate strongly brother, addiction is hell no matter which form it takes. But as a brother here said to me in private, it is a fragile hell. It can be easily broken out of through re-aligning our internal compass and prioritising goodness in our lives again.
    I just relapsed a little while ago to PMO (cybering on twitter), it's sad that it happened on day 1 to me. I know why it happened though, I came home, and I could smell the cigarette smoke that a relative of mine swears he wouldn't use inside the room. But he does so anyway when I'm not there. It's not my house, it's his. So I can't do anything about it. Which in turn makes me feel more aggravated, and lacking in control. So I turned to PMO and cybering to exercise "control" or maybe give it up on my own terms. In either case, it's these little nuisances that trigger us. I've deactivated my twitter account.
    I shouldn't have turned to PMO, I should've just calmly admitted that some people will never change and that I shouldn't let that bother me, if certain persons wish to be self destructive then they shouldn't be emulated in spite.
    But as I have relapsed, I'm just going to learn from this, and try harder to make sure I align myself with God and not the devils inside me.
    It's hypocritical right now, but one day, God Willing, it won't be.

    Just stay strong friend. One day, through hard work and perseverance we will achieve our freedom, under His Blessing.
     
  9. DucksInARow

    DucksInARow Fapstronaut

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    Yes the key is to stay with the triggering emotions and let them burn away (focus on the physical sensation and breathing, it will pass) - Your family member isn't really generating new anger and anxiety in you. It's just old emotion that is stuck in the cycle of pleasure addiction/escapism. If anything you can be grateful to them for providing you with a chance to clear. That said, if it's not them it will be someone or something else, it's impersonal ultimately.
     
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  10. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    Yes, that's the way I feel too. It doesn't matter *what* it is, but for an addict, especially whenever I commit myself strongly to recovery, it is always something. It's just mental deceit, a sick game played on a sick mind. It is of utmost importance to correct our attitude in this regard, since that is our addiction's biggest ploy to keep us trapped.
     
  11. gtablor

    gtablor Fapstronaut

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    You need to end this very soon. Ive had a problem with E's for around ten years. It's not something you can easily quit, and it's highly destructive.

    Move on now - don't become an E junky, get out of that habit while it's not too deep. These women take your money and use you. Listen to the other people here who have this addiction - it's easy to get hooked and hard to get out!
     
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  12. Dnkzeen

    Dnkzeen Fapstronaut

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    Hey, do you mind sharing your method, I'm addicted to escorts and quiet frankly my financial situation is getting worse.
     
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  13. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    It starts off feeling like going on a mental ride I guess. The conscious part of me wants me to stop, but that part also feels miserable and weak, even too negligent my own well being. But the addict part of me feels focused, single minded, determined to get its fix. Slowly the addict part takes over, and I find myself inches from relapse, and then I find myself still actually going through with it. Not stopping at all, no matter the conscious disgust and reluctance.
    I guess the term autopilot is more appropriate and widespread, mine's probably just a few magnitudes worse. I can recall and stay lucid through it all,but I feel forced through myself.
     
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  14. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

    Actually, any forced experience that one feels traumatised from, after a certain threshold becomes blocked out by the mind. It happens a lot in rape victims, because of the sheer cruelty, pain and torture of it, the mind of the victim wanders away in order to protect its sanity, victims of this heinous crime often feel guilt and shame for the way their bodies may have reacted or the way their minds "gave up" but it is actually a natural psychological response for survival.
    In no way is our suffering as extreme or tortuous as that, but it is still, on far lesser magnitudes, comparable.
    Addicts tend to feel split in two persons. And for me this is magnified and personified over such a relapse to no end.
     
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  15. Brooklyn Jerry69

    Brooklyn Jerry69 Fapstronaut

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  16. Folarin

    Folarin Fapstronaut

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    I've been patronizing prostitutes for 15 years and it took me an STD and an HIV scare to snap me out of it. Having sex with women who have sex with different men everyday is risky business. I posted about my experience recently. Remember you can get an infection from a blow job, be careful.
     
  17. Enderswish604

    Enderswish604 Fapstronaut

  18. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    You need help man. Professional help.
     
  19. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    The devil always makes you think this is the last time. He knows how to trick people, by going to prostitutes you have committed yourself to hellfire in the afterlife. You need to beg God for forgiveness and never go down that road again.
     

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